duece22022 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 can someone tell me why this might be a bad idea? my ex g/f broke up with me about a month ago after 5 years together. i've been NC for about 3 weeks. i am going crazy and i still think about her all the time and i am actively trying not to. the reason for the breakup was she said she needs to find herself and she doesn't know who she is anymore. I just want to call her and i want her to tell me that there is no future with us anymore or we are done forever. i think she owes me this. i just want her to say that and i think i will be able to move on. your thoughts?????????? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldozed Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Zach - the whole "finding" myself line, is bs. I was fed the same crap by my ex. she may have already been emotionally separating herself from you before you two actually split? My advice, and you'll hear it on here ad nauseam, is to go strict No Contact. It is w/out a doubt the best way to either a) move on or b) create doubt in her mind about her decision. Read the following links more than once....trust me and don't make the mistake I did. Unfortunately for me I made all the classic mistakes, however in hindsight, I'm glad I did as I would merely been delaying the inevitable had we reconciled.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duece22022 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Share Posted January 12, 2010 hey thanks for the advice. i am very interested to know what other mistakes you made, if you don't mind sharing. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 I just want to call her and i want her to tell me that there is no future with us anymore or we are done forever. i think she owes me this. i just want her to say that and i think i will be able to move on. your thoughts?????????? thanks I don't understand why everyone seems to want this...you already have it, deuce...she has communicated this through her actions...you don't need verbatim words... Link to post Share on other sites
DustySaltus Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 5 years and she needs to find herself? Where has she been this entire time? It's a selfish excuse and I know you must be going through hell. I've had my share of bad breakups. Some of them completely my fault and others none whatsoever. The key is to learn and take something from each and every one of them that you will use to better yourself and provide you with insight as to what you are really looking for. You aren't going to get the answer you are looking for from her. I agree, she spoke with her actions which are stronger than words any day of the week. Don't think of these past years as a waste. I'm sure you had great times together but people constantly evolve and not always in the way we would like. She quit and it sucks but I don't want to be with someone like that. I want someone that will be with me through thick and thin no matter what they or I am going through. That's love and that's what we all deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 the reason for the breakup was she said she needs to find herself and she doesn't know who she is anymore. Let her find herself. Time for you to find someone who has found herself, knows what she wants and needs and who is on the same page as you. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 can someone tell me why this might be a bad idea? Yes I can! The reason is: i am going crazy and i still think about her all the time and i am actively trying not to. the reason for the breakup was she said she needs to find herself and she doesn't know who she is anymore. I just want to call her and i want her to tell me that there is no future with us anymore or we are done forever. i think she owes me this. i just want her to say that and i think i will be able to move on. your thoughts?????????? thanks Your emotional jello right now and while everyone loves jello you rather have your EX see you as a confident man then jello. Seeing you as jello she will eat you up emotionally because every question you as will not lead to answers but more questions. Think about it what answer could she give that you would say "Oh I understand" and just walk away. PS: Hate to say it but like find myself mean "I got my eye on someone else and until I know for sure I going to be evasive so I do not look bad and I can pretend I am not really hurting you. And this way I can keep you in the wings in case the new Mr. Right turns out to be Mr. Wrong." Keep NC focus on yourself, in time it will get better and and so will you. Link to post Share on other sites
drew86 Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 PS: Hate to say it but like find myself mean "I got my eye on someone else and until I know for sure I going to be evasive so I do not look bad and I can pretend I am not really hurting you. And this way I can keep you in the wings in case the new Mr. Right turns out to be Mr. Wrong." My ex broke promised me so many times that there was nobody else, that she just wanted time. Turns out in the end that she wanted to hook up with another guy all along. The way GrayClouds describes it is perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldozed Posted January 12, 2010 Share Posted January 12, 2010 Duece - in a nutshell, never really heard of no-contact. I naturally started doing it, however it wasn't long before she started feeding me crumbs...innocent little text messages... When I finally realized she was screwing another guy, my message responses back to her were no longer sweet and innocent. I sent her one very scathing email calling her out as the whore she was, not those exact words....I apologized for the "harshness" of the message a few weeks after however I haven't heard a peep since...this was on 10-23-09. Go NC 100% - you'll see a lot of posts on her where a lonely heart has broken NC, and then usually feels terrible afterwards.... do it and try like hell not to falter....before you know it, you'll start feeling much better...it will take time, especially after 5 yrs. Try to pre-occupy yourself as much as possible. If you think you can handle getting laid by someone other than your ex, by all means, do so....only if you're emotionally ready. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 can someone tell me why this might be a bad idea? my ex g/f broke up with me about a month ago after 5 years together. i've been NC for about 3 weeks. i am going crazy and i still think about her all the time and i am actively trying not to. the reason for the breakup was she said she needs to find herself and she doesn't know who she is anymore. I just want to call her and i want her to tell me that there is no future with us anymore or we are done forever. i think she owes me this. i just want her to say that and i think i will be able to move on. your thoughts?????????? thanks Completely bad idea. You need to simmer down on an emotional level before you contact your ex because you will then be willing to accept ANY type of relationship with her on HER terms. Let her go and wait until you can think with more of an objective perspective. You miss her, that is understandable, but allow her to think about you herself and that way if you really must get a Yes or No type of answer about the future of your broken relationship with her, at least it will come from a less anxious place. Link to post Share on other sites
dazzle22 Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 It is a natural response to want "closure" when bad things blindside us. To know the why, how could you, what did I do, why don't you want to be with me," all that, but life unfortunately rarely wraps itself in a neat bow for us. Whenever a lover says I need to "find myself" it really does usually mean "I need to find 'someone else' "...it's just a cowardly lame-o way out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duece22022 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 thanks guys! i like that you are being direct with me . i need that. Link to post Share on other sites
McGrupp Posted January 13, 2010 Share Posted January 13, 2010 i wonder if a women could post in here that actually said this. dont they realize how cliche it is? is that why they say it? i got it to 8 weeks post breakup. so its like...u havent found yourself yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author duece22022 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Share Posted January 13, 2010 i know. its just the easy way out. they shouldn't treat people they love with this vague answer. we deserve more. even if it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
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