sw2012 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I crave to both get and receive oral sex on a daily basis, I am male and have been with only one woman for 25+ years who doesn’t mind getting but apparently is disgusted at the giving part. This is really starting to mess with my head I don’t want to ask her to do something that she doesn’t enjoy and honestly I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering how good it must be. I find myself becoming less interested in any form of sex because of this. Any advice especially from women would be greatly appreciated. Thanks[/sIZE][/FONT]
hopeful1980 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Did you know she didn't like to give head before you married her?
Author sw2012 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 We where both 18 so not a lot of experience but she was very open minded then and says that she still is.
hopeful1980 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 So you assumed she'd eventually open up to the idea of giving you oral sex? How often do you bring it up to her? She may have performace anxiety.
Author sw2012 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Getting and receiving are the same thing. I'd just get divorced, to be honest. So its that good huh?
oxfordsocks Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Very appropriate question since i just had this discussion the other night with my soon to be exhusband. We have a friend who will not perform oral sex on his wife-never has even attempted it--but he is a willing recipient of her pleasuring him orally. I find that if one can enjoy the pleasure of receiving it from another than that person should be willing to do it too. I mean --to not even try is to me selfish. Its suppose to be give and take and as long as both are ok with it than great. But when your married to someone and they can't pleasure you the way you wish to be is just seems to take away from the reciprocity of a marriage union-give and take and all that. I mean i have no idea what else to do for sex when that option is not available to me? Everyone is different and has likes and dislikes but as long as its not "hurting" anyone and everyone is clean and its not a hygeine thing than that is a big stumbling block. Your wondering what your missing out on --so its important to you. This goes into other areas or oral sex about the "swallow-no swallow" area to but perhaps you could guarantee nothing like that would happen. I know of a couple who were married for 6 years before she decided to perform oral sex on her husband and he still to this day has to ask--she never "willingly" goes to the task. I can't answer what you personally are missing out on(as i am not a guy) but i think its rather enjoyable for most.
hopeful1980 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Getting and receiving are the same thing. I'd just get divorced, to be honest. I think that's a bit rash. Why focus on the one aspect (receiving oral sex) of a larger aspect (sex) in marriage and base a divorce of that? It doesn't seem logical.
Minnie09 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 It is unfair. Out of balance. That's it. No balance in certain areas of a marriage is not good.
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Stop giving her head..For a while. Focus on other things and then bring it up with her. She obviously isn't comfortable giving you head. Maybe she is self conscious of it, feels it's dirty or maybe just was brought up to believe it's wrong. Let her know how you feel and go from there.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 25 years and you have now come to this realization with someone you say of "she was very open minded then and says that she still is" Won't give you oral????? I don't and never will get it. As for stopping giving her oral, that makes no sense, if it is something you like and important to her to reach orgasm (many women can't reach it without it). For men it is a different dynamic.
tnhusband Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 IMHO - this is not about oral sex - this is about the relationship. Until they resolve other issues this one is not going to get solved. Oral sex - giving and receiving has become pretty mainstream - for her to refuse indicates to me other problems.
atlnay Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 honestly I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering how good it must be. I find myself becoming less interested in any form of sex because of this. Any advice especially from women would be greatly appreciated. Thanks[/sIZE][/FONT] Barring any sort of deep trauma from her background, if you were in your 20's I can see it being an "issue" of her being skeeved out, but married at 18 for 25+ years puts you both in your early 40's. Most of my girlfriends who were turned off at doing that in their early 20's LOVE doing it now that they are older. In other words, we tend to grow out of stuff as we get more confident. But you've already lived 25 years without it, not to be dim, but what am I missing here?
liljay Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 i think it´s such a shame when someone is so closed off from something that they miss the opportunity to derive great pleasure from making someone else happy. I don´t ever really plan to do something or to have something done to me, it´s just a natural part of my relationship, thankfully. I could (and do!) spend hours enjoying my partner and he is just as giving. if your partner really has a problem with it then try to respect that and forget about it. Some people get put off by the request or by over thinking so I wouldn´t put pressure on your partner but if it´s affecting your sexual desires then you really need to address the issue with your partner openly and honestly without making her feel embarrassed or guilty.
on1wheel Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Wow, I can't imagine going that long w/o something that is so sensual. I am a man btw, so I know of what I speak. Not all women are of the same skill level in the art, but even a bad BJ is still pretty good in my books. It has been a part of every relationship that I have had for the past 25+ yrs & to be honest I would never have stayed past 2 wks; it's that important to me. I love going down on a woman as well, so I am by no means selfish. I love to give my partner pleasure, as I believe that if you're not doing everything you can to make your partner happy, then you're not doing enough...period. I would explain to her how you feel; that you feel as if you're missing out on something; something important. See how she reacts, then you'll have a better idea of how big a problem it is. I wish you well & let us know how it goes. Cheers.
2sunny Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 why are you just now noticing... after 25 years? what has happened recently to change your perspective? something has changed for YOU to make you come to this realization at this point - what is it?
Author sw2012 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks for all your input, its really appreciated.
Author sw2012 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Wow, I can't imagine going that long w/o something that is so sensual. I am a man btw, so I know of what I speak. Not all women are of the same skill level in the art, but even a bad BJ is still pretty good in my books. It has been a part of every relationship that I have had for the past 25+ yrs & to be honest I would never have stayed past 2 wks; it's that important to me. I love going down on a woman as well, so I am by no means selfish. I love to give my partner pleasure, as I believe that if you're not doing everything you can to make your partner happy, then you're not doing enough...period. I would explain to her how you feel; that you feel as if you're missing out on something; something important. See how she reacts, then you'll have a better idea of how big a problem it is. I wish you well & let us know how it goes. Cheers. I did not think it would be like this. starts out totally different than it ends up. my life suck my wife doesnt
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 go to your local sex store or order it online its call "good head" it numbs your throat and helps to give better oral sex..I love giving but I would ever do it because I have a SENSITIVE gag reflex..lol My H brought it up and I told him..that I physically couldn't do it so he made proper arrangements..just be honest and open with her..you never know..maybe you stink..lol
GrnEyedGemini Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Perhaps she was raised to believe it was wrong and dirty. When someone has been raised that way, it's hard to get the feeling of guilt (for doing something wrong and dirty) to go away.
2sunny Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 there used to be this guy that posted here... he hadn't been married but a few years and he was married a few years to a wife he adored. she wouldn't give him a bj but maybe once every 6 months - so he told her... hey, i love you but i want to be blown, so if you won't - then i'll find someone who will. that's all it took, she started serving it up.
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