meerkat stew Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Want to clarify, I don't care if she has sex with men without gaps, in fact I assume they all are doing that, just if she moves from "exclusive" relationship straight to "exclusive" relationship with no gap. And as far as comparing the sexes, men do this too. Women do it much more. Men are not the "upgrading" seekers that women are generally, which accounts for the difference in frequency. And as others said, men just don't put the emphasis on constantly "being in a relationship" that women do. It is refreshing to see many mature women who don't do this kind of thing here, the relationship hopping, because as another poster mentions, in my direct experience, most I have run across do. No more though, it's my reddest of red flags other than an addiction or criminal history. The old cliche' runs, men enter relationships hoping the woman won't change, and women enter relationships hoping the man will change.
betamanlet Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 IMO, the key is one, determining the appropriateness of monkey-branch psychology as being compatible with one's own philosophy of intimacy and relationships and, two, how to discern such behaviors and react in a way which is healthy for one's own psyche. On-topic, IMO, the one over-riding consideration a man must entertain is that the monkey-branch woman, no matter how she describes herself, does not care (or cares less) how her behaviors are perceived. Part of the dynamic of attracting multiple males for sex and/or sexual interest is compartmentalization. She separates her sexual signals, which women can easily turn on and off like a light switch, from her 'good girl' mind, the one which commits to 'her man'. This allows her to create a circumstance where 'her man' still believes she is committed to him while the switch gets turned on out in the world to attract other males. The 'I'm available' sign comes on and males begin to circle. Alpha's come first, because they smell the ovulating and available female and her relationship status is irrelevant as far as attraction goes (not necessarily acting on that attraction), then the more middle of the road males who begin to sense the signals as they grow stronger. A few are selected according to her ladder criteria (based on who would become a new primary as well as the best tool to manipulate her current man to get what she wants) and then the rest are pushed away for the time being. Tic toc. When a woman says, even casually in passing, that 'I've never been alone', believe it and watch out. Monkey-branch is in your neighborhood. Enjoy it at your own risk. I agree 100% with your last sentence. Though I don't think women would say that, you'd have to somehow find out if she has even been single for more than 10 minutes.
carhill Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Though I don't think women would say that, you'd have to somehow find out if she has even been single for more than 10 minutes. I've heard it, numerous times, said just like that. Do you know why? It's the calm arrogance of a person who uses their sexuality to get what they want. And they do. There's no arguing with this form of pragmatism. Accept it
PinkToes Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 The ONLY woman I know that doesn't ever date has a hormonal imbalance and has a goatee. That's the only one of I know, otherwise, they're always either in a relationship, or dating around. Hey, I love my goatee. Do you think it would look better braided, or something? Or should I dye it a different color? I didn't realize that's the reason I'm not in a relationship or dating around.
temple Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Hey, I love my goatee. Do you think it would look better braided, or something? Or should I dye it a different color? I didn't realize that's the reason I'm not in a relationship or dating around. Lol. A silly statement deserves a silly answer
lostinthesupermarket Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 There should be a test about being "single" or not. That test would be "if the world were to end if you were not able to find someone to have sex with in the next 24 hours without having to break laws" then you are single. I'm sure that would apply to very, very few women, but would cover virtually every beta male. Somebody's sexual attractiveness doesn't tell you anything about whether that person is "really" single or not. Being able to find someone to have sex with on short notice doesn't mean you actually will or would even be willing to do this. Being able to find sex in 24 hours is a far cry from being able to find and establish a good relationship in that time.
bananaboat11 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Women who claim they're independent and all that yadda but jump from boy to boy... I find are typically insecure, emotionally immature (sometimes - the last girl I was with was... and I completely ignored it.. FML) or just needy
LondonS Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 How very untrue. Not all women. I chose to be single last couple of year because I wanted to become chartered Engineer. Now that I am, I want to get an MBA from Harvard before I consider a serious relationship. I date but I explain to the guys my plans are not settling down for a while so.. LOL..
bananaboat11 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 How very untrue. Not all women. I chose to be single last couple of year because I wanted to become chartered Engineer. Now that I am, I want to get an MBA from Harvard before I consider a serious relationship. I date but I explain to the guys my plans are not settling down for a while so.. LOL.. Jesus. Women like you are RARE. please send one my way. I am a PhD... and I am looking to spend my time with someone who understands academia... someone who can relate to me and vice versa. Sometimes... our work we invest COUNTLESS hours into is time consuming... I spend so much time trying to take time out of my academics (future) to make the ones who don't understand feel 'secure'... but then they just feel insecure in our relationship... Career oriented... independent... strong willed... great work ethic... intelligent... attractive... SANE... so hard to find now a days.. I need to scale back qualities I look for.. but it's so hard. I'm not looking or a hot girl with an airsack for a brain. I want a cute girl who is intelligent and independent. Who can build a STRONG foundation of trust, honesty, compassion and companionship with. please be out there...
LondonS Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 (edited) Jesus. Women like you are RARE. please send one my way. I am a PhD... and I am looking to spend my time with someone who understands academia... someone who can relate to me and vice versa. Sometimes... our work we invest COUNTLESS hours into is time consuming... I spend so much time trying to take time out of my academics (future) to make the ones who don't understand feel 'secure'... but then they just feel insecure in our relationship... Career oriented... independent... strong willed... great work ethic... intelligent... attractive... SANE... so hard to find now a days.. I need to scale back qualities I look for.. but it's so hard. I'm not looking or a hot girl with an airsack for a brain. I want a cute girl who is intelligent and independent. Who can build a STRONG foundation of trust, honesty, compassion and companionship with. please be out there... Glad I wasnt classified as weird because I actually do not date seriously and have no such plans for next few years. I am sure there will still be single men out there once I am done with what I have to do.. and no I am not the "typical Geek look" people think most academic girls are.. excuse typos- Blackberry Edited January 12, 2010 by LondonS
bananaboat11 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Glad I wasnt classified as weird because I actually do not date seriously and have no such plans for next few years. I am sure there will still be single men out there once I am done with what I have to do.. and no I am not the "typical Geek look" people think most academic girls are.. excuse typos- Blackberry I hear you. There will definitely be people like "us" out there. There ARE people like us who were in our positions at our age... Hey, I'm not the 'geek' look, yet I am involved in whole-body Type II Diabetes research & earning my PhD... I was a jock-type (dork though) all my life. We are out there, but fewer of us than I would like... I thoroughly enjoy female companionship and look forward to having a family one day... ****, I can't wait to have children and give them the world (without spoiling them... which I doubt is possible). I want to be like my dad was to me. I have a great relationship with my parents (something that isn't as common as you'd like it to be).. It sucks, but ... yeah.. good luck to you. speaking about being non-nerdy.. i'm going to the gym =) good luck to you
temple Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Jesus. Women like you are RARE. please send one my way. I am a PhD... and I am looking to spend my time with someone who understands academia... someone who can relate to me and vice versa. Sometimes... our work we invest COUNTLESS hours into is time consuming... I spend so much time trying to take time out of my academics (future) to make the ones who don't understand feel 'secure'... but then they just feel insecure in our relationship... Career oriented... independent... strong willed... great work ethic... intelligent... attractive... SANE... so hard to find now a days.. I need to scale back qualities I look for.. but it's so hard. I'm not looking or a hot girl with an airsack for a brain. I want a cute girl who is intelligent and independent. Who can build a STRONG foundation of trust, honesty, compassion and companionship with. please be out there... I'm also a PhD student looking for similar things (except your said qualities in a man obviously!). So don't worry, like-minded people do exist, and it's all absolutely worth the wait once you find the person you're looking for.
bananaboat11 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I'm also a PhD student looking for similar things (except your said qualities in a man obviously!). So don't worry, like-minded people do exist, and it's all absolutely worth the wait once you find the person you're looking for. We're still 'rare'
temple Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 We're still 'rare' Yeah. Well we wouldn't be worth much if we were running about all over the place eh?
LondonS Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 We're still 'rare' yeah that I know due to the fact that I get so many guys chasing after me... not sure if its the looks, my high flying job or witty personality..but yeah I,ll surely be more serious about dating and men after my MBA- I am only 26, why worry just yet
and.then.some Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I'm am witnessing this myself.....heard it stated my a comedian somwhere. lol That women, similar to monkeys, won't let go of the last branch (relationship), until they get a firm grip on a new one. They never let relationships have a "gap" they let them overlap....any women guilty of that in here or EVER have been? Guys, agree? The relationship to relationship thing sounds a lot like both of my parents. Neither have ever been single during their adult lives. I wouldn't go so far as to compare them to swinging monkeys though. However, I personally see this more among my male friends than my female friends. I do think it's worth noting that "from one to the next" isn't always a... formal relationship. A lot of people, both male and female, have.... interested parties always lingering around in the background. I'm sure some people do it as a safety net, and out of insecurity, while others... just so happen to have a lot of friends! Honestly, I see this as something that can make the onlookers (especially an ex) insecure or jealous. "How the heck did she move on so quickly?" The truth is that, to some people, simply dating isn't always some serious matter. As well, those situations don't usually require any sort of "firm grip" to let go of what's already fading anyway. Monkeys can jump too you know.
carhill Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 How about 'receiving outside emotional and/or sexual validation', essentially the same descriptor as we use here on LS to describe affairs, being used to describe the 'monkey-branch' phenomena? There is no singularity. There is no 'alone'. There is always 'the other'. If there's someone 'in the background', this tells me that some interaction and/or feelings are already involved. I've lived all sides of this dynamic, healthy and unhealthy, and know it well. If I'm in a relationship or married and someone outside is validating my attractiveness and/or value and that person is of the gender I'm attracted to and I let those moments of validation permeate other aspects of my life and occupy my thoughts, again while still in a relationship/marriage, I'm in danger of monkey-branch, if not an affair. My most common observance is that of the 'backup' being utilized immediately after the 'break up', as those words, for *some* people, mean they're free to pursue other validation, sex or whatever. Married people might call it 'separating', like I got pissed at my wife, told her we're done and went to stay with a buddy. We hit the bar and I'm 'separated'. For the record, I never did such things, but like to fantasize Is this practice healthy? The OP mentions 'fickle' and 'insecure'. Hard to know. If personal and relationship health result, it's kind of difficult to argue a negative. For most, I guess they learn by experience, or the experiences of others
and.then.some Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 (edited) Carhill-- I still can't agree with the words "fickle" and "women". This isn't something that's gender specific in my experience. If the person is feeding off of it, then, yes I'd have to agree with you. (Then again, we can feed off of it... just being used to it, and not really realize it.) With women, at least, a lot of our male friends were interested guys who landed in the friend zone. The vast majority stick around until they've lost all hope or found themselves in very serious relationships. Some are only there for several months to a year, while others stay around for ages. The problem being, when they really are friends lol, it's not so easy to dismiss them. Plus, we don't always realize that those guys still have *that* sort of interest in us. Personally, up until about 2 years ago, I've always had background noise. More officially, 1 year ago. It really is a headache trying to... move away from the ones who aren't really close friends. Then, it was even harder to put the ones I was close to on ice. Hardest of all was to burn two bridges with two exes. None of these even had a chance with me aside from one from the exes, but they were all still there. My choices had more to do with eliminating drama than clearing the way for some new guy (with the exception of one ex). Not all lingering parties are created equal... for women. In my experiences, men are more likely to view their female friends as potential, while women view most of their male friends as "they're there because they had none." That guy may say "I'm sorry he was a jerk, let's go out for drinks"... but this phase may not mean much at all to us unless he's really obvious in expressing some other interest. Edited January 12, 2010 by and.then.some
carhill Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Not all lingering parties are created equal... for women.Great response. This is a common dynamic. Having had a number of platonic female friends (IOW, no attraction on either side) I can understand a modicum of what you describe. I have no knowledge of any 'platonic' single female friend finding me secretly attractive so can't comment on that aspect. Here's the difference I'm trying to illustrate. If the male friend, even superficially platonic, is giving her attention beyond the platonic (IOW, if I was superficially flirting with one of my platonic female friends, as an example) and that attention *affects* her, by perhaps raising her well-being for that day, and, rather than enjoying the moment and seeing it as the moment and forgetting it, it remains in her mind and she, either consciously or subconsciously, seeks to re-create the circumstance to experience that feeling again, sometimes to the point of distracting her from her priorities, like her spouse/partner, and, even if not, to the point of it occupying her thoughts in a positive way, a way different than that of how she feels when her girlfriends go 'you go girl!' and stuff like that, then we have the makings for the dynamic. It's not strict thought and action, e.g. a + b = c. Emotions and psychology are never that simple. This is part (a very small part) of how, within MC, I came to learn why my emotional attachments were inapporopriate and damaging to our M. I saw and continue to see these behaviors in others, even in friends, and am now far more sensitive to them than I was prior and have established stronger boundaries regarding *feelings* and my subsequent *actions* in such circumstances, when they occur. My overriding observation over the last 30 years has been, when an otherwise 'taken' woman's actions towards me indicated interest beyond the platonic and I acted, either inappropriately (meaning responded with knowledge that they were in a relationship) or by setting a boundary, the most common response has been 'I didn't mean it that way'... 'OK, so don't kiss me, tell me you love me and pinch my ass. Thanks' Are those folks fickle or insecure? Unknown. I hope they find what they're looking for. The undisputable reality is that they were women. Society seems to validate this psychology so I presume it will continue. Keeps the psych guys and gals in business
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