betamanlet Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Exactly.. Many women are ALWAYS dating someone, but still might consider themselves "single", as in not married. That's also the fact when it comes to cities with large amounts of "singles". All it means is that there are high numbers of unmarried women. DC is supposed to have a very high single female to male ratio, but women are all dating or with someonehere. Just not married. And because they are so picky here, only that small % of guys can get them.. So when you hear a city has a large single population, realize it's BS. Unless you have no problem with sharing someone, which disgusts me.
phineas Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Whatever, people! My ex (MALE) did this to me, so let's not get all misogynist here. It's just a habit of insecure people who are more interested in finding a person to fill a role in their lives, rather than seeking a true partner. It's about needing someone-anyone and not about wanting a particular individual. It's pathetic and it's approaching relationships from a place of weakness rather that strength, and it pisses me off too - but let's not comfort ourselves with b/s, here. Some people pointed out men are like this also. My buddy, after his divorce went through women faster than a band on tour for a few yrs.
carhill Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 (edited) With some thirty years of experience, twenty of it being single, as I've often opined, I've never met a woman who was truly 'single', in that she wasn't involved in a sexual or emotional dynamic with a man when I met her. All have been thusly involved, even my stbx, who wasn't 'married' (meaning divorced) for two years at the time I met her. As was mentioned, some people define themselves as 'single', even if they're having sex with a man (or men) on a regular basis but are otherwise uncommitted, like engaged or married or 'in a relationship'. To me, if a woman even mentions another guy, she's not truly single. Does that mean I wouldn't date her? No, but see below..... An additional dynamic is one of verifiable disclosure. If a woman tells me she's single, how do I verify that? IME, even being married, I had no idea what my wife was up to 24/7. I had to believe her and trust her. A single woman has no emotional bond nor commitment, so they can say and represent anything. I would not invest my emotions nor my penis until I felt positive about the dynamic. As an example (I'll put myself in the hotseat), a couple of prospective dates have asked me about my marital status. I tell them I'm separated, haven't cohabited with my stbx in about a year, and will be divorced in few months. I haven't mentioned whether I've dated or not (I haven't). I've 'told' them this, but is it true? As I sit here in a relatively empty house with a cat scratching its scratching post, I know it to be true, but how do they? Does it matter? Unknown. I see this dynamic, as represented in the OP, not as being 'fickle' or 'insecure' but rather as being incompatible with my personal style of relationships. I'm sure there are plenty of compatible men they can choose from. Life goes on Edited January 12, 2010 by carhill
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Whatever, people! My ex (MALE) did this to me, so let's not get all misogynist here. It's just a habit of insecure people who are more interested in finding a person to fill a role in their lives, rather than seeking a true partner. It's about needing someone-anyone and not about wanting a particular individual. It's pathetic and it's approaching relationships from a place of weakness rather that strength, and it pisses me off too - but let's not comfort ourselves with b/s, here. I know a guy JUST like this. First thought he was a strong alpha male, but when he was getting ready to tell his 5 yr GF to move out, he was telling me, "I need someone to draw me into their world." WTF?! I told him he needed to be alone for awhile and to NOT get with a girl who NEEDED him but to wait for one who WANTED him. He segued right to yet ANOTHER gal who has no job and NEEDS him to take care of her.
carhill Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 "I need someone to draw me into their world." Honestly, do men really talk like that? Really? Women believe in and fall for that tripe? Wonder of the modern world. Honesty appears to be far overrated. Guess I better brush up on 'style' BTW, I'm well aware men do this too (monkey-branch behavior). The OP is about women. Feel free to start a thread about men and I'll share some of those stories there
betamanlet Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 With some thirty years of experience, twenty of it being single, as I've often opined, I've never met a woman who was truly 'single', in that she wasn't involved in a sexual or emotional dynamic with a man when I met her. All have been thusly involved, even my stbx, who wasn't 'married' (meaning divorced) for two years at the time I met her. As was mentioned, some people define themselves as 'single', even if they're having sex with a man (or men) on a regular basis but are otherwise uncommitted, like engaged or married or 'in a relationship'. To me, if a woman even mentions another guy, she's not truly single. Does that mean I wouldn't date her? No, but see below..... An additional dynamic is one of verifiable disclosure. If a woman tells me she's single, how do I verify that? IME, even being married, I had no idea what my wife was up to 24/7. I had to believe her and trust her. A single woman has no emotional bond nor commitment, so they can say and represent anything. I would not invest my emotions nor my penis until I felt positive about the dynamic. As an example (I'll put myself in the hotseat), a couple of prospective dates have asked me about my marital status. I tell them I'm separated, haven't cohabited with my stbx in about a year, and will be divorced in few months. I haven't mentioned whether I've dated or not (I haven't). I've 'told' them this, but is it true? As I sit here in a relatively empty house with a cat scratching its scratching post, I know it to be true, but how do they? Does it matter? Unknown. I see this dynamic, as represented in the OP, not as being 'fickle' or 'insecure' but rather as being incompatible with my personal style of relationships. I'm sure there are plenty of compatible men they can choose from. Life goes on You're right. I think they do it simply because they can. And if they find someone "good enough" they might commit. But lots of women are pining over exes, dating casually, having casual sex, while only alpha males can do that. betas like me dont' date, don't have casual sex, and are truly "single". Honestly, when I hear a woman say she's single, i presume she's playing the field. If I had a daughter, I would prefer her to be in a relationship than be "single" because you really rack your numbers up when you are a female and "single".
betamanlet Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 There should be a test about being "single" or not. That test would be "if the world were to end if you were not able to find someone to have sex with in the next 24 hours without having to break laws" then you are single. I'm sure that would apply to very, very few women, but would cover virtually every beta male.
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Honestly, do men really talk like that? Really? Women believe in and fall for that tripe? Wonder of the modern world. Honesty appears to be far overrated. Guess I better brush up on 'style' BTW, I'm well aware men do this too (monkey-branch behavior). The OP is about women. Feel free to start a thread about men and I'll share some of those stories there Sorry, but when someone claims WOMEN do this, that makes it appear it is a behavior specific to women. We don't need a new thread. This thread is PRIMARILY about the behavior. I felt the need to indicate that men also behave this way, and it is my right to do so. We should, after all, be talking about PEOPLE and stop with all the gender separation crap. Enough of that exists legitimately as it is. We certainly don't need to create some where none exists.
betamanlet Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 And no sex workers That's what I meant by no breaking laws, but I realize it's legal in some places.
singleguy123 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Sorry, but when someone claims WOMEN do this, that makes it appear it is a behavior specific to women. We don't need a new thread. This thread is PRIMARILY about the behavior. I felt the need to indicate that men also behave this way, and it is my right to do so. We should, after all, be talking about PEOPLE and stop with all the gender separation crap. Enough of that exists legitimately as it is. We certainly don't need to create some where none exists. I disagree.. 1. It is far easier for a woman to get involved on some level, even if it is just sex. 2. Women often times judge their value on being in a relationship. Not so for men. Yes, some men jump from woman to woman.. But far more men are TRULY single, than women. I have a girl telling em she loves me within 1 week, but i guarantee if she was asked she would say she is currently single.
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I disagree.. 1. It is far easier for a woman to get involved on some level, even if it is just sex. 2. Women often times judge their value on being in a relationship. Not so for men. Yes, some men jump from woman to woman.. But far more men are TRULY single, than women. I have a girl telling em she loves me within 1 week, but i guarantee if she was asked she would say she is currently single. You are free to disagree. My personal experience says otherwise. I've known more than one man who couldn't be alone. Yes, there are women like that, but there are also men like that. Like it or not. There are insecure men, JUST as there are insecure women. Again, like it or not. As for women finding it easier to get laid, big deal. Getting laid has NOTHING to do with being in a relationship. You can have one without the other.
phineas Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 With some thirty years of experience, twenty of it being single, as I've often opined, I've never met a woman who was truly 'single', in that she wasn't involved in a sexual or emotional dynamic with a man when I met her. All have been thusly involved, even my stbx, who wasn't 'married' (meaning divorced) for two years at the time I met her. As was mentioned, some people define themselves as 'single', even if they're having sex with a man (or men) on a regular basis but are otherwise uncommitted, like engaged or married or 'in a relationship'. To me, if a woman even mentions another guy, she's not truly single. Does that mean I wouldn't date her? No, but see below..... An additional dynamic is one of verifiable disclosure. If a woman tells me she's single, how do I verify that? IME, even being married, I had no idea what my wife was up to 24/7. I had to believe her and trust her. A single woman has no emotional bond nor commitment, so they can say and represent anything. I would not invest my emotions nor my penis until I felt positive about the dynamic. As an example (I'll put myself in the hotseat), a couple of prospective dates have asked me about my marital status. I tell them I'm separated, haven't cohabited with my stbx in about a year, and will be divorced in few months. I haven't mentioned whether I've dated or not (I haven't). I've 'told' them this, but is it true? As I sit here in a relatively empty house with a cat scratching its scratching post, I know it to be true, but how do they? Does it matter? Unknown. I see this dynamic, as represented in the OP, not as being 'fickle' or 'insecure' but rather as being incompatible with my personal style of relationships. I'm sure there are plenty of compatible men they can choose from. Life goes on I know a few women who consider themselves "single" They all have a gagle of guy friends tripping over themselves to pay attention to them so they may not be in a relationship, but their deffinetly not alone if they don't want to be. but, thier available for dateing the right guy.
PinkToes Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I don't even date between relationships, does that count as single? And the shortest time between was about a year. Once it was 3 years. I am a serial manogamist.
singleguy123 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 You are free to disagree. My personal experience says otherwise. I've known more than one man who couldn't be alone. Yes, there are women like that, but there are also men like that. Like it or not. There are insecure men, JUST as there are insecure women. Again, like it or not. As for women finding it easier to get laid, big deal. Getting laid has NOTHING to do with being in a relationship. You can have one without the other. Over a couple of years of online dating I have found this to be true... Sometimes I was just seeking sex, and made it clear.. The woman wanted to date me, go to dinner etc. After she found out I would not take her out, ALMOST ALWAYS she would then admit she already has a sex partner, but is "looking for more", with someone else. A woman can be getting laid by the same guy all the time, and still declare herself "single".. Men can too, but far more men truly are single in every imaginable way.
carhill Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Sorry, but when someone claims WOMEN do this, that makes it appear it is a behavior specific to women. We don't need a new thread. This thread is PRIMARILY about the behavior. I felt the need to indicate that men also behave this way, and it is my right to do so. We should, after all, be talking about PEOPLE and stop with all the gender separation crap. Enough of that exists legitimately as it is. We certainly don't need to create some where none exists. I disagree. As any further discussion would be off-topic, I'll merely opine that your response is just another example of the OP
shadowplay Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Honestly, I think men do this more than women. My ex boyfriend admitted that he would always be asking out another girl the day after we broke up (we did several times), sometimes the day of.
BookerT Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Why is it people keep looking for the exceptions to the rule? Why more women do this than men. Men and women cheat for different reasons. Men, especially alpha males cheat to spread their seed. Women cheat when they're not entirely happy with the man they're with but use him to keep a level of security until they meet a better man and move on. It's basic evolutionary biology. Sure some members of each sex do the opposite but it's the exception and not the rule.
betamanlet Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Also, you can tell if someone is insecure based upon their living situation and what kind of car they drive, and how they possess said car. I live in a rental building, yet there are all of these lower end BMWs in it. They cannot afford to buy a place, but drive a luxury car? Most likely leased as well. Insecure people who need to be seen in the BMW.
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Over a couple of years of online dating I have found this to be true... Oh, honey, I have WAY more experience in MANY more different types of dating than you.
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I disagree. As any further discussion would be off-topic, I'll merely opine that your response is just another example of the OP Not quite sure what that means, but whatever.
donnamaybe Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Also, you can tell if someone is insecure based upon their living situation and what kind of car they drive, and how they possess said car. I live in a rental building, yet there are all of these lower end BMWs in it. They cannot afford to buy a place, but drive a luxury car? Most likely leased as well. Insecure people who need to be seen in the BMW. I totally agree with this. All that "eyewash," trying to pretend to be someone you're not.
Author b52s Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 I have no idea where that was said originally, but Ambrose says this in Mission Impossible 2. It was a great tension-killer. Yeah, but he didn't get in trouble for saying it.
carhill Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 IMO, the key is one, determining the appropriateness of monkey-branch psychology as being compatible with one's own philosophy of intimacy and relationships and, two, how to discern such behaviors and react in a way which is healthy for one's own psyche. On-topic, IMO, the one over-riding consideration a man must entertain is that the monkey-branch woman, no matter how she describes herself, does not care (or cares less) how her behaviors are perceived. Part of the dynamic of attracting multiple males for sex and/or sexual interest is compartmentalization. She separates her sexual signals, which women can easily turn on and off like a light switch, from her 'good girl' mind, the one which commits to 'her man'. This allows her to create a circumstance where 'her man' still believes she is committed to him while the switch gets turned on out in the world to attract other males. The 'I'm available' sign comes on and males begin to circle. Alpha's come first, because they smell the ovulating and available female and her relationship status is irrelevant as far as attraction goes (not necessarily acting on that attraction), then the more middle of the road males who begin to sense the signals as they grow stronger. A few are selected according to her ladder criteria (based on who would become a new primary as well as the best tool to manipulate her current man to get what she wants) and then the rest are pushed away for the time being. Tic toc. When a woman says, even casually in passing, that 'I've never been alone', believe it and watch out. Monkey-branch is in your neighborhood. Enjoy it at your own risk.
betamanlet Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Also, think about everyone you know, now compare how many men you know who are always single, truly single, and not dating, vs. women who are always isngle and not dating. Virtually every woman I know is constantly in a relationship, while there are some guys I know that never are involved with anyone. The ONLY woman I know that doesn't ever date has a hormonal imbalance and has a goatee. That's the only one of I know, otherwise, they're always either in a relationship, or dating around.
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