johnnyo Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 (edited) My girlfriend of 4 years has ended it. She says she is not attracted to me anymore (may be a variety of reasons - she had a miscarriage 2 months ago and has come to the realization she has an alcohol problem which is devestating to her). she says she needs time alone to work through her issues which also include a sexually abusive past. Recently, before the breakup, she was texting and talking to a new guy. even seeing him for coffee. She insists are breakup has nothing to do with him and says she would never date him because he himself is a SEVERE alcoholic. she does admit to being attracted to him. Over the weekend, 4 days after our breakup,i asked her if she would like to go skiing and she said that would be super fun. the weekend came along and i did not hear from her until later in the day saturday. She said she spent the weekend with the guy but it "wasn't like that." She had an incling he was relapsing, went to his house and saw he was near death. She spent the weekend in the ER with him and watching over him at his house. The next day we had a long conversation about becoming healthy and how i wanted to join her in counseling, groups and spiritual meditation sessions. She assured me that her and the alcoholic were only friends and she was helping him but told me that I should expect over the next two weeks her spending lots of time with him because of his recover. Should i be worried about him and her. She admits that it will take him 5 years before he can have a good relationship but I just worry about them falling in love. She tells me that i am perfect in every way exceppt the sexual attraction and she needs time to cope in her own life and that i should cope with some abuse and problems too. But, I am so low that scenarios of them together keep popping in my mind. Especially when she does not contact me which she is doing less and less. What is your advice? Edited January 12, 2010 by johnnyo
DenverBachelor Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Recently, before the breakup, she was texting and talking to a new guy. even seeing him for coffee. She insists are breakup has nothing to do with him and says she would never date him because he himself is a SEVERE alcoholic. she does admit to being attracted to him. I may have been born at night, but I wasn't born last night. She's into him and she left you for him. Misery loves company. Worried about them getting together? Who cares? Worry about yourself. Let them bourbon mix with the vodka and let them worry about how that goes down with time.
xerofate Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 speaking from experience: yeah, she is with him. She is tagging you along to keep you there in case things don't work out with him. Get out now, get out fast. I'm in a simliar situation. Very similar. I ended up finding out that they had been together for a long time. Thing is? I'm so happy to be out of it. My life has gotten so much better now that I don't have to deal with her and her issues. I can concentrate on me, concentrate on things that I enjoy doing. And you know what? I've never been happier. It might suck for a while, but at some point, you will realize "I'm free!" and that will be it. Now? I pity her. I pity that she doesn't understand that happiness comes from within, not from an outside source. Me? I've moved on with my life, and couldn't be happier. Trust me: She is with him. Go NC hard and fast. You will NOT regret it!
DustySaltus Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 As soon as she ended it whatever limited control you think you had of the situation went out the window. I know it's hard to walk away from somwthing like this because you want to be hero but you CANNOT save someone who doesn't want to be saved. She is the ER with some other dude. A dude who is such a severe drinker that he might have died. This is the type of guy she wants to be with? It's not a reflection on you, IT'S A REFLECTION OF HER. That's what she's attracted to? She's not right for you john. You can't let someone else define who you are. I know you want to be a hero, I know you want to help her...but you need to look out for yourself.
Author johnnyo Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 it would be crazy for her to dump me for an alcoholic. I have just finished my MD and we have so much in common
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