1life8love1trust Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I lost my job today..... I knew it was just a matter of time.... I have to move back into my parents house because I am broke and broken.... Its funny how a fit 183lbs male who has been through a lot of physical trials can be so beaten down emotionally by a 128lb petite Filipina woman..... I was finally getting over it but its really not over until its been kicked and spat at while its on the floor...... I don't really understand how I got fired really. I mean I did my job, I am fairly new to the whole work process 6 months. Not properly train might I add. I know that for a little over a month working was very difficult. I still worked just not at a 100%. Probably at 56%. Still all that negative energy would eventually catch up to me. I know I can't blame her, heck why? Is it really gonna make me feel better? It might....but I know its not the logical thing to do. Plus does she come back to me if I do? I can't blame myself, at least what everybody else says. I have a feeling though that they are just saying that cause they know I am going into depression. I feel like I let everyone down. Especially myself. It was a tough 5 years since I got kicked out of my parents house, not because of anything bad, its just my father and I never seen eye to eye, but I was finally getting somewhere. She was my reason to strive for. And then she leaves me. I am only 23, and I know everybody says I am still young, heck must of the friends I have are a lot older than me and thats how I want it to be. I learn things earlier. They told me that this is an experience everyone goes through. I ask them, "really? Cause the break up is one thing but the others? My mom has cancer, I lose my job, might lose my car, and now I am broke so I gotta move back into my parents house?" My relationship with my family has gotten stronger through these 5 years, but I feel really weird going back. I mean I understand better now then when I am 36 or older right? I see the positive in all this but for some weird reason my pride, ego, or both causes me to see differently. Not to mention I will have no privacy cause I gotta share a room with my brother. He's fine he is 18, but still. Rant,Rant, Rant ,Rant........ Funny thing too is, I have been responding to other peoples post about things will get better, but I can't even take my own advice. I know it will, but what I don't know is will I survive through it to see it. I feel like I need to take a really really long nap or something. Heck maybe I should get high. I mean alcohol does not seem to solve it. My friends, when we hang out makes me feel a little better, but its not like they are there after the good times. I come home after a get together and there I am stuck again thinking about the problem. There is not real way around it. I try taking it head on, but its nothing physical so how the heck am I going to do that. Lastly, God.....I am confused.....don't know whether to be mad or be glad. I can't be mad at you cause it seem like everybody says I can't, but its not like I am happy with what you are testing me for. 3 1/2 months of pain. I know its going to be a long road.
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