sshebert Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 hi there i am new to this. recently my wife of 4 years been together for a total of 16 yrs told me she wanted to seperate. she told me she needed time to be alone and possibly date she is uncertain of what she wants. i am totally crushed by this, this is not how i expected or marrige to work out. there are reasons leading to her wanting to do this before we were married i had an affair and she found out about it. we worked things out had 2 kids and got married built our dream house in the country. now what should i do? should i have hope? move on? i know right now that i have to give her space. but for how long? i want to try to work things out, i have started counsling to try to understand things and even better myself for her. and how long should i wait before i can try , and what could i do to try. thanks sean.
liftedcj7on44s Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 She already mentioned dating??? Big "RED FLAG" protect yourself and your kids, Hire an attorney and push the divorce.
Author sshebert Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 i will take that under consideration yes she has mentioned dating and i know for a fact she has been talking to the other guy via emails and on the phone before she said she wanted a seperation.
liftedcj7on44s Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Yep, Hire an attorney ASAP unless the 2 of you can come to an agreement for the kids sake. i wish you the best of luck, hope it's better than mine.
Author sshebert Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 this is not what i want to do, i believe in karma. i love her and always will, i would like some advice on how to win her back. is there still hope? i made the choice to leave so she could have her space. she told me that we could possible date, and we have not told everyone about the seperation. is there still any hope for me? the only way right now i would get a lawyer is if the om goes into the house i built for my family and if the om has contact with my 2 girls. i know she is being dishonest to me, even when i know the truth, i have a keylogger on her computer which sends me everything, so i know. right now i can handle the lies, becaause i did it to her. when i left her i told her i was going to get some councling, which i am doing. then i sent her a message saying that i am not going to do a thing, except to be there for my family when they need me, and that she does not have to call or whatever, that i was giving her all the space she needs. if she want to talk or go out that was up to her. then i put on my face book that i signed up for dancing lessons. which is something she likes to do, i am making it like i am going to get over this and just go have fun. is the wise?
tnttim Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 which is something she likes to do, i am making it like i am going to get over this and just go have fun. is the wise? Yes, you want to move on, it will help you and it will scare her. You can set aside 1 day a week to just unwind and have fun. This will help you forget, for a little while, about her. Stay NC with her, your doing the right thing. Try to be an independent as possible.
Author sshebert Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 (edited) i have been reading all your threads, i am gonna try to do everything you say in there, i hope that it does work out, i will post stuff as things unfold , should i wait for her to come to me , or is there a time that i should try like maybe a simple date ? thanks tnt for your opinion Edited January 15, 2010 by sshebert
tnttim Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 i have been reading all your threads, i am gonna try to do everything you say in there, i hope that it does work out, i will post stuff as things unfold , should i wait for her to come to me , or is there a time that i should try like maybe a simple date ? thanks tnt for your opinion She has to come to you, it's part of the process. You have to stay NC with her, it's the only way. When she calls you keep it business only (kids and bills you pay), no feelings talks, or I miss you, I love you. You keep the convo under 10 minutes and you end the call every time. Don't pick up every time she calls either, you can't always be available for her. If she has a problem and wants your help, don't help her, she's own her now, right. I know this seems as* backwards but it's what worked for me and flightlevel so far. You just have to have confidence, in yourself and the plan.
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