sparkle5821 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Just a quick question to everyone. If you broke up with your MM or MW, and then the two of you decided to get back together, is it ever the same? Is it better? Worse?
mybrowneyedgirl Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 ive wondered this myself. xmm has made it clear that he still wants me in his life. ive talked to him just once over the last few months (by my choice). to me i think after dday something has changed. i dont think i could ever love him, trust him or feel the way about him that i used to feel. im interested to know if anyone else has been in this situation before too. if you started back up were things different? did you feel the same. i think it would be way too much for me to be able to love him the way i once did.
Author sparkle5821 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 My guy has also made it clear he still wants me in his life but we hardly talk anymore either. In fact, I called him on it yesterday and told him that when I call him, I don't appreciate it that he takes 6 weeks to return a phone call. His response was that he does that to all his friends. Wow, that make me feel great. I then told him that this "friends" thing is not working and that we should say goodbye. He didn't want to do that. He told me to take a week and think about it. I think the goodbye is coming.
jj33 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 What's the point? So what if HE says he doesnt want that. The fact is the A is over and he is ignoring you and treating you like you dont matter and you are not happy with that. He is making a point of the fact that you are no longer a priority. You WANT to tell him never call me again etc etc but YOU called him to say you didnt appreciate his behavior, he said thats how it is keep accepting it. you do NOT need to call him again or email him again to tell him to buzz off. You just STOP contacting him. I know it hurts. It hurts terribly to want more of his attention than he is giving you, but that is how it is. Calling him or telling him that tiy wont put up with this only sends a mixed message - its says PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pay more attention to me. PLEASE want me more. He isnt behaving correctly so just close the door yourself. He has given you every reason to. Only then will you begin to heal. Dont sit there waiting for HIM to tell you its ok to let go. Dont give him that power - he is giving NOTHING to the relationship at this point.
lori22 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 It was not better it was worse of course you have some days when you feel that he loves you so much and everything is perfect,but it's not a good situation i went back with my mm about 8 months later and it was the same situation but alot more arguing and with the same outcome him ending it with me.
blinded Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I think it would be worse. There is a reason why it ended previously. Those feelings and words said at the breakup will always be taken into consideration when making any type of decision.
silverplanets Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 better in that I'd learnt not to believe the promises/discussions of the future etc worse because when you're listening to someone whom you don't really believe then it becomes a bit pointless .. for me though, due to the time involved of our NC (5 years) I needed to do it because there might have been a chance they changed as they claimed they had ... So I gave it a chance, tried to keep non invested, but even with this it is hard to keep them out of your head ... Would I go back into it again ... no, I just wouldn't ... on our last meet they dressed all sexy and tried to throw themselves at me in my hotel room ... I was able to tell them no more whilst they were still married. So, deep down, I know I can and have said no in the most tempting of circumstances, so I have a lot of trust for myself now
alg24 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 When my MM and I broke it off for awhile then got back together there was a "honey moon" phase. I visited him in another state, it wasn't a realistic situation and for that week things were great. When we found ourselves back home in the same small town after getting back together things kept getting worse. I found each time we broke it off then got back together things were a lot worse- the fighting more intense, the lack of respect, etc. I still go back and forth with my MM. Its the most unhealthy/toxic situation ever. Almost 2 years... I keep remembering last year when things were "good." I even throw that is his face... Things will never be "good" again.
Author sparkle5821 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 What's the point? So what if HE says he doesnt want that. The fact is the A is over and he is ignoring you and treating you like you dont matter and you are not happy with that. He is making a point of the fact that you are no longer a priority. You WANT to tell him never call me again etc etc but YOU called him to say you didnt appreciate his behavior, he said thats how it is keep accepting it. you do NOT need to call him again or email him again to tell him to buzz off. You just STOP contacting him. I know it hurts. It hurts terribly to want more of his attention than he is giving you, but that is how it is. Calling him or telling him that tiy wont put up with this only sends a mixed message - its says PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pay more attention to me. PLEASE want me more. He isnt behaving correctly so just close the door yourself. He has given you every reason to. Only then will you begin to heal. Dont sit there waiting for HIM to tell you its ok to let go. Dont give him that power - he is giving NOTHING to the relationship at this point. Thanks jj for that good wake-up call. I agree with everything you are saying but I called him for ME, not for him. I wanted to finally tell him what I think, that his words have no meaning, nothing comes of them (he also wanted to get together and go out to dinner again and that never happened). I told him that I don't treat friends like this and never could. So I had to have my closure THIS way. I will not contact him again. I will not call him or text him, but I had to tell him what I thought of him before I close that door and finally telling the SOB what I thought, felt great. I feel a million pounds lighter. It may not be everyone's way, but it's my way for closure and good-bye, instead of leaving things hanging. And that's what we strive for anyway...to feel great about ourselves in the end.
jj33 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 OK so long as you called him for you. I would have called for me too. I find it very helpful to tell people what I think so I can appreciate that. For some reason I thought you were thinking of calling him again - or waiting for him to tell you that it was over... Sadly its over. His actions say it all. If you want to call him again for you to tell him again what an SOB he is - feel free whatever makes it easiest for you to move on.
CarbonCopy Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I doubt it could be the same. I'm not back together with my MM but we are speaking again. We've texted and spoken on the phone a bit and it's definitely NOT the same. I see him differently, almost like a pathetic person, but I do still have feelings for him. But not as intense as before. He hurt me too much.
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