Okysho Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Ok first off, I guess I should shed some light on the background of this. To begin, I'm a guy. For people who know me very well, they will all tell you that the one thing I can't stand is someone who cheats, disrespects or ill-treats someone they love. They will also tell you that I'd do my utmost to avoid hurting anyone I truly care about. A cruel piece of irony. Now I'm in the very "romantic situation" that I swore I'd never find myself in, breaking every single principal/moral which my relationships are based upon. I've always prided myself on being faithful and loyal in any of my relationships. Now I'm just a hypocrite. Backstory: I'm into my first year at University. Living away from home for the first time. I've had to leave a lot of things behind at home, but apparently not everything. I have a friend who I've spent a lot of time "messing around with" online. For nearly a year now. We never had a full relationship since over the course of that year she got a girlfriend (She's bi, don't judge) and broke up with her within a month or two. Following, that I moved away to go to school. We both agreed that we wouldn't be able to hold a long-distance relationship (I'm about a 4 hour drive away) and so things... stayed the same way in that "messing around online" state. To kill some extra time between classes and homework assignments I starting cruising the 3-D chat program IMVU (Google it if you don't know what it is). That was where I met the other girl. Unlike most girls, she establishes full emotional relationships over the internet. After a lot of drama with another boyfriend who cheated on her (over the internet), we started to spend a lot more time together. At the exact same time, around the beginning of this past December, things just began to escalate between me and the first girl (We'll call her A). We started to mess around more and found each other really wanting to be with each other again, we were even thinking of getting together and finally having sex (remember I'm 18 and yes, I'm still a virgin). around the same time the other girl (codename C) and I hooked up over IMVU and are now in a relationship with her, she too wanted to get together with me (despite the distance). Just after "C" and I started "going out" (if you could call it that). Her brother (Let's call him B) had a nice long talk with me. I learned that "C" had a pretty painful emotional past, that she had been cheated on in addition to many other, rather unpleasant things. Just after that, during my christmas vacation, I got together with "A" just for old time's sake, which turns out, I was pretty much tricked into a date, which ended with us groping at each other in an empty movie theater. Once that happens, it's not long to realize that you've really screwed up. I've already confronted "B" about the situation as well as "A". I can't talk to "C" about it, or else it would break her in two. "B" was incredibly shaken up about it. And now for the query: What do I do? How am I supposed to choose? I have equal feelings for both girls and I can't bring myself to choose. I understand that my relationship with "C" has thusfar been purely online, and I'm well aware of the dangers of these types of situations, but somehow I can't help but believe that everything both "C" and "B" have said is true. I love her so very much. However, "A" and I have a history together, no one knows me better than she does and I can't fight the feelings of needing to be next to her, much like the way a steel spring jumps to an electromagnet. I've gone against my very principles I don't like cheating and I never thought that I would be the one in a cheating situation. The trauma of this situation is affecting both my physical and mental health (neither of which mix well with university). Before you respond, please don't think of me as a bad person. The mentioned situations are something that developed at the same time, and to be honest I never saw it coming until it was far too late... I'm about to break under all of this, I don't know what to do. The only alternative to choosing, is to give up both girls. I may break both their hearts, but at least they will both have the knowledge that I'm not leaving them for the other. What do I do?
dazzle22 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I don't think you are a bad person. I don't get the impression you have had exclusivity implied here in either of these situations? You are young and should play the field and get to know someone very well before you commit in any way to anyone. I don't understand...these are essentially online relationships? The computer age has reeeallly changed things apparently! Sounds like an episode of Star Trek and dating problems on the "Holo-deck". The one you have never met at all? Really, you cannot be in love with someone you have never met. You can be in love with the "fantasy" of who you think they are, but you are not in love with the real person. I would suggest you really start going out in real time as there is no substitute for that, no matter how real online may seem.
mansquito Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 As I gather, you're worried about cheating on "C". Stop it. It's not a real relationship. "Dump" her, and bone "A" until her backbone slip. Kids these days... Jesus...
Author Okysho Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Harsh.... thanks mansquito... Dazzle: Yeah it's true they're both essentially online relationships, but that doesn't mean we don't want to see each other in real life. I'm not naive enough to think that what's happened between me and "C" is 100% real, but I can't deny that because of the time we've spent talking that there are certain aspects of her that I really like. Having said that, I think I did mention, she's rather emotionally fragile and I don't want to hurt her. I suppose it's hard to gather, but I DO have feelings for both of them...
bluestraps Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 A lesson first hand. You are still Young. When you get in more serious relationships you should remember what has happened. You dont want to get into the habit of doing thses things.
Simon Attwood Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Firstly; get in to a real relationship before judging yourself Secondly; you've learned something about yourself here, and that is that we are all fallible.
Lishy Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Eh? You are not in a relationship with either hon ... Typing to someone does not a relationship make! Just have fun and enjoy your uni days and dont commit to anyone
Author Okysho Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 I guess that's a good point, and it has been something at the back of my mind for a while (concerning "C") but the fact is that this relationship, despite being online, is real enough to her that if I did something it'd hurt her a lot. That';s what I'm afraid of.
dazzle22 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Don't get entangled with anyone, either real or virtual, who flips out about you cheating when you haven't even had one eye to eye date. That is emotional instability, and frankly, a bit scary..
Author Okysho Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 She IS emotionally unstable. All her past relationships ended in someone else cheating on her, not to mention other unsightly details which I don't have the right to disclose... I just don't know what to do
Lishy Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I will tell you what to do ... Dont take online nonsense so seriously! I remember reading a thread ages ago that started ... I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I am going to meet him for the first time this weekend .... WTF!!!!!!!!!! Is that a joke? an online relationship is not a relationship it is a typing buddy!!! Oh I will never get it, but rest assured you are not a cheat, you have to meet someone to be with them lol
Author Okysho Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 I guess it's understandable... still I don't want to see that image of her crying over me in my mind. And I see what everyone is saying. Assuming I took that route, how would I break the news to "C" so that she doesn't fly into an emotional breakdown?
Lishy Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I guess it's understandable... still I don't want to see that image of her crying over me in my mind. And I see what everyone is saying. Assuming I took that route, how would I break the news to "C" so that she doesn't fly into an emotional breakdown? Just change your email address and make a decision to only ever have a relationship face to face and not over the internet
Author Okysho Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Isn't that.... I dunno... a bit heartless? saying something like "Ok bye then" and disappearing without a trace?
Author Okysho Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 I'm probably sounding horribly stubborn at this point. But what if by some chance she is legit? that she's a real girl on the other end, with real feelings and is really hurting over me? The relationship is real enough to her that it'll really hurt her...
mansquito Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 When in doubt, got with the girl that you've actually groped. It really is that simple.
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