kelridge Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I have a situation that I cannot let go of. I would like some objective opinions on my feelings. My gf and I have been dating for about a year. It was a rocky start with a lot of "I'm not ready to date seriously right now" but eventually she decided it was what she wanted. She told me she had cheated in a past relationship and that set my red flag going. However, to defend her from the start I have always been insecure and a very jealous person. That being said, about two months ago she went away on travel. Before she left she had just gotten a new computer. As a side note I have always had access to her e:mails and computer when I came to her house. However, the day she got back from her business trip she setup a separate account for each of us. I now needed a password to get onto her account (which she did not give me) and I now had my own. I asked her about it and she said she wanted me to have my own "desktop" and that setting up the new accounts required a password (when in fact it didn't as I later found out". I now don't have access to her computer or e:mails and just found the whole thing odd. I asked her about it and she was adament that I was being ridiculous. Most people don't seem to think it is a problem. However I for some reason refuse to let it go. My paranoia is getting the best of me and I know it will quickly disintegrate the relationship if it continues. I have no other reason to believe she it cheating but am convinced something happened on her trip. Please give me some advice. And if you think I am over the top and need to stop being jealous I am certainly sure you will let me know. I want to let this go and stop it from getting in the way. I now am paranoid EVERY time she gets on the computer. Please help!!! One final note: I am in the process of moving in with her and I am scared to death!
Bryanp Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I do not have an answer except it does seems odd that she did not have any problem before with you accessing her account but now refuses to give you the password after the trip. Why the change?
Kizzyfur Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 My advice to you would be to trust your gut.
cody5 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 She got a new work computer and went away on a business trip. They talked about her new computer (did everyone get one?). They discussed business security and your GF made the correcr decision to lock you and EVERYONE out of her work files. NOBODY in my house touches my work computer. And if my company allowed others in my family to set up desktops on my computer (which they don't), it would have to be with my desktop locked.
seibert253 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 If you REALLY think somethings going on then get a keylogger and check for yourself. Unless there are other signs amiss, you probably are just being too paranoid.
OnlyJake Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 When you had full access to her computer, email, etc. did you ever check up on her? Read emails, check internet history, and so on? If my bf was checking up on me like that I'd lock my **** up too. That type of behavior is obnoxious, especially when you've never been given a reason not to trust her. Also, if she works on that computer, that's a perfectly legit reason for it also. That said, if you're such a mess maybe you shouldn't be moving in with her right now.
New_Life08 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 If she is doing something she shouldn't be it will show up in her behavior soon enough. You do not need to check things out to know something is amiss. Her reasons are either that she feels violated by your lack of trust and is taking a stand, or there is something shady going on. If it is because it is a work computer and she has sensitive files she should have just said that instead of lying that the computer requires a password; that she is now reluctant to give you. This would raise suspicion in anyone, especially in this whole scenario. Honestly, if I were you, I would have my own computer with my own account. If it is a work computer it shouldn't be used for personal reasons anyway.
dazzle22 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Sorry, missed the part about this being a work computer? Sounds like a new home computer, no? My guess is she was recruited by the CIA on her trip and now she'd have to kill you if she gave you the password. No, but seriously, her excuse sounds lame -o. Nonetheless, she may just not want you up her skirt all the time...Maybe she is surfing porn....sorry, sorry am I bad..? Try not to make too much of this right now. Just watch and wait a bit. The truth will out..
Space Ritual Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 (edited) Everyone seems to get a bit testy about the privacy issue but I would agree with Kizzy and Bryan P for the most part. But I do so because I see similar posts almost every day and they usually end up badly(like cheating with a co-worker or boss). Plus the part that you already know she has cheated in her past would give me pause to have any relationship with her at all. But thats just me in that I use past history as a barometer of future behavior so I don't get my heart crapped on again. Frankly, moving in together is always a big step and I am in agreement that you will find out soon enough. However if you take a look at this site it is littered with people who post that their spouse or significant other suddenly acted squirrely around their computer or phone. Some responders chide them for breaking the privacy covenant (which is understandable) but in many cases as well had they not broken the covenant then they would have ended up like doormats or STD's. What you have to decide for yourself is if this is going to be a deal breaker for you. I can see if in fact it is a work computer that needed to be locked because of corporate secrets. But if your GF is a telemarketer for Dual Action Colon Cleanse and she is behaving like this, then I'd say she is full of crap Edited January 13, 2010 by Space Ritual spelling
road Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Original post never said locking the PC was a job requirement. How this was understood by a reader her baffles me. Those that have nothing to hide hide nothing. Her actions and her past are two big red flags.
O'Malley Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Context matters. It's wrong to violate someone's privacy without any genuine grounds for suspicion, but her secretive behavior (suddenly setting up password protected accounts when she never did that previously, not providing a simple explanation for doing so) is significant. Keep your eyes open and your mouth closed about your concern...and don't move in with her until you feel secure in this relationship.
seibert253 Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 Keylogger. In two weeks you'll know whether you are just being paranoid, or being played.
Maybeitsjustme Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 My GF uses a work computer and I also can't get to use it as quite rightly it is her work computer. She doesn't reall it home for her job but started doing so, she flicks from one had 3 screen to another when i walk into the room or has done so in the past i quireid her on this and she said it was just habbit (didn't want bosses at work to see if see was looking at personal stuff!) Have since found out she has registered with a dating site (we were on the point of splitting up) and manage to complete a very eloquent profile and had 30 favorites. I have been in turmoil over the last 2 or so months andreallw what to do (i have to admit i want to end it but don't think i can until the get to the bpttom of it. I can truely appappreciate how you must be feeling so sorry that i cannot give you any guidance
dazzle22 Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 As I pointed out, albeit somewhat jokingly, unless she has a CIA job, there would really be very little reason to be sooo secretive. I think what happened to "maybe its just me" is the usual reason for such newfound needs for secrecy...
seibert253 Posted January 18, 2010 Posted January 18, 2010 My GF uses a work computer and I also can't get to use it as quite rightly it is her work computer. She doesn't reall it home for her job but started doing so, she flicks from one had 3 screen to another when i walk into the room or has done so in the past i quireid her on this and she said it was just habbit (didn't want bosses at work to see if see was looking at personal stuff!) Have since found out she has registered with a dating site (we were on the point of splitting up) and manage to complete a very eloquent profile and had 30 favorites. I have been in turmoil over the last 2 or so months andreallw what to do (i have to admit i want to end it but don't think i can until the get to the bpttom of it. I can truely appappreciate how you must be feeling so sorry that i cannot give you any guidance Have you discussed her registering on a dating site while she's supposedly still in a relationship with you? If I were you I would have a BIG problem with that, and I would have called her on it AS SOON as I learned this. If you haven't I suggest you do so ASAP. We don't have to give you insight on what you need to do, you already know this. Run Forest, Run
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