sunrae Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Hey Everyone. Funny how I can post advise to other people but have trouble figuring my own stuff out..... My ex gave me the "I need time" speach about 2 months ago... At that time I never got a answer to why, because all I said to him was ok, and he was out the door after the "you are a wonderful person, I like you a lot, I dont want you to be the rebound girl, ect"... We see each other at work some, we have been cordially spoken, he gave me a Christmas present, and wonder if I had a great New Years.... I'm at the point, after holding onto some hope, that after his work slowed after the holidays, he would be back and he's really not.... So my question would be..... Do I keep plugging along and not do anything other than to try to find my own closure.. Or do I send him a text, stating, you asked for time, I gave you time, now I'm moving on (for my own closure).... ??? Thanks for your help.
MarcMann Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 There really is no need to send a text saying that you are moving on. That's what NC does. It's subtle way of saying that you are doing just fine without him. Sending the text will only tell him that you were waiting around for him to come back. Don't feed his ego. If you really want him to know that you are moving on. Then start going on dates. The message will be very clear that you are moving on.
Author sunrae Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks MarcMann... That's kind of what I was thinking, pretty much do nothing else but what I have been doing, which is NC unless I have to talk to him for work.... I guess I was thinking if I send him a text saying I'm moving on then that would give me sudden closure and I have no choice but to move along. I'm trying to move forward, by going out with friends, working out ect, but just seems so hard, because everything I turn around there is something relating to him that slaps me in the face and reminds me of him. Ahhhhh.. Get him out of my head....
HLP234 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 In my opinion, who ever asks for the break, is the one that should get back to you on weather they want to work things out or not. It is not your responsibility to check and see if he is or is not coming back. From your post, since you told him that you don't want to be a rebound, and all that, it is clear that both of you should move on. I just think that if anyone wants a break, what ever they feel at that point should be said right then and there so the other person does not feel like they are sitting and waiting. Just continue NC I suppose. I just find it rude because my ex asked for a break, complained that I didn't like waiting, when she even said I didn't have to wait..and then moved on to someone else not even a month after me..without saying a word to me. That hurt me a lot and I don't think that is the proper way of going about the situation. If he has not gotten back to you to tell you what he is doing, then go on and make your own closure without contacting him to let him know.
Author sunrae Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Hey HLP, Thanks for the post... Yeah, he told me I was too good to be the rebound girl and he that i was the girl for him, but he just needed some time to sort some things through... I guess since he has been throwing crumbs, because he does pop into my office everyonce in a while(about every other week if I dont see him other wise) and giving me a chirstmas present, threw me off.. I was waiting to see if he came back around. Everyone thought he was sincere and honest with what he was telling me when he asked me to give him some time, due to him having to work 12-14 hour days over the holidays and not having time for anything else. But now that the holiday season is over and his work is slowing down, I kind of thought maybe he would come back around and he hasnt, so I guess that will be my answer. I didnt ever ask any questions, when he asked for some time, because I'm not one to beg, but it's been hard the last week, just wondering if or when he'll come back around. Time will tell and only time heals.
HLP234 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Just move on with the NC, whenever anyone says they need time to figure stuff out, means they want to do whatever without thinking about you. I would rather have them come back and say its done and over with before they move on..but I never got that and sometimes I guess that is part of the "break" thing. I never begged or pleaded, gave the time and space she wanted and then got accused of not wanting her because I was giving the space they wanted. Never got a conclusion or closure..she just left. I've been doing NC for a while now and if they say anything I would not even respond. Its selfish for someone to want a break and then just never come back to finish what they started.
carnegie Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Just move on with the NC, whenever anyone says they need time to figure stuff out, means they want to do whatever without thinking about you. The advice of HLP234 is totally right and wisdom. just go NC and enjoy ur life. Be selfish. Think about yourself first. Hope u can heal soon!
stillinlove23 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 i think you should say that your managing without him that ya i gave you your space and ive had some space too. ask him if hes ready to come back. if he says he needs more time tell him youve met someone else an that youve went out a couple times and really like him. get him to tell you how he feels about you and if he doesnt tell him how you feel. dont text him with that you need to do it in person
Author sunrae Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 I saw him briefly yesterday while I was on my way out the door to run work errands, He yelled at me to say hello, I waived said hi and kept going... I havent done anything, I'm still torn on what to do, Which is why I havent done anything, but keep nc... I think part of the reason I thought about sending a text was to see if I could get a reaction out of him, which isnt a good reason, so right now I'll just keep nc going, and moving on.....
duece22022 Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 hey , i am in the same postion as you are. You at least want closure and you think that will help you move on. i like what HLP says "get clousure without contacting him". at least he is still thinking about you and in his mind he will wonder if you moved on. don't give him any power and tell him what state of mind you are in. the one thing that is killing you is that you still have hope that there is a chance. try to forget that for now. work on moving on. i know its hard, i am trying to do this right now. but it is a lot healthier than waiting for him. give it time. Try to ride out the storm and get through this without him.
GrayClouds Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I'm still torn on what to do, You know what you should do but just do not want to. Be kind to yourself and go NC. Remember you are a heck of a chick, you deserve more then someone who has to "think about it" (which is just short hand for "I wanted to keep you around just in case I do not find someone better or I simply get lonely). You deserve someone who is head over heals about you. Remember that and going NC will be a piece of cake becouse every time you look him you will see a guy does not agree with that. What a looser.
Author sunrae Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Grayclouds... Thanks for the sweet post... You are all right, NC is best and I will continue it... I'm sure everyone here has those fleeting moments when they waiver... Just trying to talk myself through it with other people. One of my best girlfrends had suggested contacting him, to try to get closure, since he's so confusing and throws breadcrumbs... But those are just it breadcrumbs, nothing more, no substance. Part of me hopes, he wonders.. "what's she doing?", "how come she hasn't called?"... Since he stares at me when we are sitting at a stop light or yells at me across the parking lot to get my attention... Craziness... Confusion...
GrayClouds Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Grayclouds... Thanks for the sweet post... You are all right, NC is best and I will continue it... I'm sure everyone here has those fleeting moments when they waiver... Just trying to talk myself through it with other people. One of my best girlfrends had suggested contacting him, to try to get closure, Bad idea, she means well but it does not work. Any question you ask will not lead to a good answer but just more questions. Read the follow and do everything it suggest it will be the best advice you can get: So you want a second chance? Part of me hopes, he wonders.. "what's she doing?", "how come she hasn't called?"... Since he stares at me when we are sitting at a stop light or yells at me across the parking lot to get my attention... Craziness... Confusion... If you read the link now you know push him out of your head and focus on yourself. NC is not about making someones jealous it about making you stronger. Do that and crazy and confusion will be replaced with confidence and control.
MarcMann Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 NC is not about making someones jealous it about making you stronger. Do that and crazy and confusion will be replaced with confidence and control. If there was like a points system for giving thumbs up. I would have to give GrayClouds 10 thumbs up!!
sean1970 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 He would tell you if he felt different; you would not have to ask. Frankly, it sounds like his loss. Because you work together, the "Hi" and "Bye" routine will probably continue but it does not have to be more than that.
HLP234 Posted January 14, 2010 Posted January 14, 2010 Not only does NC make you stronger, it makes you evaluate yourself. You really start to think about what they did and who you are as a person. At a time like this, we are not ourselves after our ex's left. NC helps bring back the old you. In a way, it also allows a chance to meet someone else. By that time, you will realize that there is no point in reconciling anything with them if they have hurt you badly.
Author sunrae Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 I know you guys know how it goes... You have youre good days and you have your bad days... He is a delivery driver and delivers to my work 2 to 3 times a day... On a schedule... So I know when he's here and when he's not... Normally I dont have to go into the wharehouse but sometimes I do and thats where I would run into him, after "I need time speech" or at Christmas he made a point to come into my office to drop off my Christmas present. This past week, I look at my clock to make sure I'm not going back to the wharehouse when he maybe back there. Tuesday I was leaving to run errands and he was pulling out when I was getting in my car, be beeped and waived, I waived back, but thats it.... So I'm trying to move on... I started going back to the gym during lunch, so one day he'll see me, and be like dang! and I'll flip him the bird and keep trucking....
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