Secret text on my GF'S phone~potential to cheat

[chrizmz]

well the other day i was looking at girlfriends phone and checking out her texts,i saw a text from this person known as jaime~little did i know was that this character was a guy. i think she has only been talking to this person for about a week now.he was sending her his email so my girlfriend could do a search on myspace.i checked her history and she did a search on myspace & bookmarked his page. right so she can look at it.

 

next thing you know the very next day the bookmark is gone:eek: i did not confront her on this but thats very weird to do something like this if its not a big deal. can you please be slicker:rolleyes:

 

 

i checked out his page and he's whack, so i say to myself if she has nothing to hide why delete the bookmark of this jaime character. then today as she was getting ready and i went online and i see an email on her account of her texting from her phone last night a text from this jaime guy of him in uniform(photos). so here she goes hiding this text about this guy:mad:

 

from the beginning of her relationship she said how she's an open book and she could be possessive. me i put my trust in her~I love her deeply and i have been so faithful to her that i cant imagine myself being with another woman.

 

 

so im stuck at if i should confront her on this or just let it slide and bring it up later if she acts strange.

 

 

Oh Yea as she was leaving for work she said i was not my usual self as i was very BLAAAAHHH:( she even called me 20 mins later asking what was wrong and if i have something to tell her.

 

 

i think she knows that i have a hint about whats going on;)

 

this whole situation is crazy because my girlfriend has told me she is an open book and now she's hiding these texts about this guy. why do that if there is nothing going on with you this guy??? which i dont think there is because i am always with her. this guy could be a potential cheatmate.

 

also she has also told me how she cant stand cheating and it hurts her that people do it,she said she has never cheated before in her relationships. i am starting to wonder her true character~she has told me what happen to the humanity in relationships & marriages.

 

it boggles my mind:eek: what should i do?any advice would be greatly appreciated

Edited January 11, 2010 by chrizmz

[Yukikazi]

What are you or are you not doing that would cause her to entertain the thought of cheating on you?

[chrizmz]

i feel like i provide with her everything,physically,emotionally,mentally~she tells me how much i make her feel good and im a perfect match,she says im very patient with her and deal with her difficulties very well,you know, she also talks about how she wants to have kids and how i make her very happy.

 

i just dont understand why would she hide this from me if theres nothing going on or the potential to have something going on:eek: its very strange, now shes blowing up my phone alot right now and im just ignoring the calls. i do not know what to do

[AAlike]

Couple of questions:

 

1) How old are you?

 

2) Was there anything in the texts that was indicative of anything romantic or sexy?

 

3) Why exactly were you "checking out her texts"? I am married and still would never read my wife's texts or e-mails - I certainly can't imagine doing that in a less serious relationship.

[chrizmz]

im 24 and no there was nothing sexual or romantic~its just strange that she would email herself the text of this guy who sent her photos of himself in uniform.

 

common sense would tell me it theres nothing going on or the potential to have something there~she's hiding this from me and its weird. it trips me out because if it was nothing, she would not text her email with this guys photos

[EricaH329]

me i put my trust in her

 

Wrong.

 

You are writing about going through her stuff as if it's a normal, every day occurance. This is not healthy. Why are you going through all of her stuff?

 

I have heard people say over and over again, 'If you are looking for something, you will find it'. Of course you found something, you were digging through her stuff! And it's nothing to be worried about, this guy is probably her friend.

 

If it's something that's going to continue to bother you, ask her about it. See how much of a mess that will create.

 

I see it this way. If my boyfriend is going to cheat on me, he is going to do it no matter what I do. No matter what I say. If this girl is going to cheat on you, she'll do it even if you tell her you were going through her stuff.

 

That's where true trust comes in. You are with a person because you trust them to do the right thing. And until they prove otherwise (like actually cheating) then you have no reason to test that.

[silic0ntoad]

Hm. I don't think you should confront her with any evidence. I mean, yeah, you went against her trust but really the issue is the other dude. Look, I would let it cool off. If she starts skipping dates or getting distant, then slam her with your suspicion. Otherwise, smooth sailing.

[samspade]

Just dump her. Behavior unbecoming of a girlfriend.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Just dump her. Behavior unbecoming of a girlfriend.

 

I totally agree!

 

Also, you going through her stuff like that is kind of a creepster move. I can understand if you had some good provocation, but it doesn't seem like it in this case.

[cody5]

What are you or are you not doing that would cause her to entertain the thought of cheating on you?

 

I love it when they blame the victim for the cheating.

 

You obviously had valid reason to snoop since she's sneaking Good call. You know something's up but don't have enough evidence. Don't tip your hand. Give her flexibilty and NO REASON to suspect anything. Keep snooping and wait until you have something more solid. Your gut is correct. She's into this guy.

[chrizmz]

she called me earlier and asked me whats wrong and i told her everything was fine then she sent me this email 2 hrs into her shift

 

 

I hope that you are feeling better! You are very sweet for making us such a romantic dinner last night! I really liked EVERYTHING. Hopefully I can get all of my OTHER things done today, so that we can be free tomorrow and after Deni goes home. You looked very nice yesterday also. You really impressed me with your patience last night! I was so comfy cuddled with you, that I didn’t want to leave.

 

Muah!

 

then after i got off the phone with her she textes me saying how she feels sad because im BLAAAH and im not upbeat and she also had to nerve to text me "do you not want to talk to me anymore" i told her where did that come from? i also said everything will be fine. today is our 4 month anniversary & i still want to do something special tonight:bunny:

 

i feel like im being played, she's very open with me about everything and then this guy sends a photo of him in uniform and then she has the nerve to email it to herself:mad: WTF~i have a feeling she's using me and wants out but does not want to hurt my feelings. she wants to put the blame on me like by asking me " IF I DONT WANT TO TALK TO HER ANYMORE"

 

she seems heartless but acts like she cares so much for me~ she also had the nerve to ask me a couple of days ago "if i love her" LoL the more i think about it, i think she wants reassurance so she can keep playing the game with me.

 

she thinks i do not know

[Bryanp]

Her comments indicate that she is looking for an excuse to contact this guy. Her comments like do you not want to talk to me anymore and do you still love me seems like she is trying maybe to justify to herself to contact this guy. She keeps asking you what is wrong so why don't you tell her you know what is happening. Ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed?

[chrizmz]

its ok because in the beginning of our relationship she tells me how she cant have a fwb and is into relationships with whomever she's sleeping with.she also mention how she's possesive and only wants me to herself

 

i will just flipped the script on her and have a side thing because i feel like she wants to have her cake and not give me none. i will find my side piece and she will never know.

 

 

i guess it hurts because i care for her alot and i feel like she doesnt & i wanted an exclusive relationship and not a FWB:( she makes me go crazy:mad: Fudge this man~im so screwed!!!

 

she cant play me~ we can both play each other

[threebyfate]

Somehow, introduce the topic of cheating into your conversation. Ask her what her definition of cheating is. If she starts lawyering, to ensure that her actions don't fall into the category of cheating, you know she's probably full of it.

 

For example:

 

You: At work/school, a couple of us guys had a debate about what constitutes cheating. One guy said it only becomes cheating if they get physical. Another one said that if the woman starts flirting around with other guys, it's cheating. Another said...blah, blah, blah, etc. What do you think constitutes cheating?

Her: That's a good question, blah, blah, blah.

 

Her response will define your actions.

[EricaH329]

I guess the bigger question is: Do you not allow friendships between the opposite sex and your g/f?

 

How do you know that she hasn't known this guy for a long time?

 

Maybe it was someone she was once friends with, and got ahold of again?

 

The conclusions that all of the men on this thread are jumping to, are outrageous. You have no solid proof of her cheating. You found a picture of him in uniform. And just because she doesn't tell you of every little thing she does in her life... you are going to automatically assume she's cheating?

 

This is rediculous.

 

I was in a very similiar situation. I knew a guy for a very, very long time. We lost touch and when we found eachother again, he was in the military. He would send me pictures of what he was doing in Iraq, and the other guys in his battalion. I was engaged to another man at the time, and when he noticed me looking at one of his pictures, he did not begin jumping to conclusions.

 

Also, have you always gone through her stuff? Say you didn't find anything, would you still claim to 'trust' her? Do you feel justified in your actions because you found a picture?

[chrizmz]

^thats a good one but she does talk alot about how people cheat and told me she had never cheated in a relationship but have come close too, she says it hurts her that people in relationships cheat.

 

another weird thing she talks about is how she wants to get married to me and what our kids would look like:eek: its like she messes with my head and then does stuff like this behind my back.

[Bryanp]

My friend you judge a person by their actions and not by their words. It sounds to me like she enjoys playing mind games with you.

[phineas]

^thats a good one but she does talk alot about how people cheat and told me she had never cheated in a relationship but have come close too, she says it hurts her that people in relationships cheat.

 

another weird thing she talks about is how she wants to get married to me and what our kids would look like:eek: its like she messes with my head and then does stuff like this behind my back.

 

Ya know what?

My STBXW bitched on & on & on about her brother's lieing, cheating manipulating bitch of a wife & how she could never do that to someone.

 

Well, the whole time she was doing it to me.

 

As bryanp said. Actions. Not words.

[make me believe]

Look, why don't you just ASK HER who the guy is? Tell her that you were going through her phone (since apparently this is a pretty routine activity for you.... I know I'd sure like to be informed if my boyfriend regularly went through my stuff....), and that you found the text, saw that she had bookmarked his Myspace page, and you want to know who he is.

 

But seriously... you have ZERO evidence that she has cheated on you. A picture of a guy doesn't mean anything. Maybe it's an old friend of hers, maybe it's a cousin, who knows?? But if you're going to drive yourself crazy jumping to all kinds of conclusions, just be up front and ask her what's going on. I mean, good lord, you're already threatening to cheat on the poor girl because of your ridiculous assumptions! Get a grip!

[samspade]

I repeat: Dump.

 

She'll only play with your head if you allow it.

 

Quit playing her games and move on.

[EricaH329]

Look, why don't you just ASK HER who the guy is? Tell her that you were going through her phone (since apparently this is a pretty routine activity for you.... I know I'd sure like to be informed if my boyfriend regularly went through my stuff....), and that you found the text, saw that she had bookmarked his Myspace page, and you want to know who he is.

 

But seriously... you have ZERO evidence that she has cheated on you. A picture of a guy doesn't mean anything. Maybe it's an old friend of hers, maybe it's a cousin, who knows?? But if you're going to drive yourself crazy jumping to all kinds of conclusions, just be up front and ask her what's going on. I mean, good lord, you're already threatening to cheat on the poor girl because of your ridiculous assumptions! Get a grip!

 

My point exactly!!!!

[New_Life08]

well the other day i was looking at girlfriends phone and checking out her texts,i saw a text from this person known as jaime~little did i know was that this character was a guy. i think she has only been talking to this person for about a week now.he was sending her his email so my girlfriend could do a search on myspace.i checked her history and she did a search on myspace & bookmarked his page. right so she can look at it.

 

next thing you know the very next day the bookmark is gone:eek: i did not confront her on this but thats very weird to do something like this if its not a big deal. can you please be slicker:rolleyes:

 

 

i checked out his page and he's whack, so i say to myself if she has nothing to hide why delete the bookmark of this jaime character. then today as she was getting ready and i went online and i see an email on her account of her texting from her phone last night a text from this jaime guy of him in uniform(photos). so here she goes hiding this text about this guy:mad:

 

from the beginning of her relationship she said how she's an open book and she could be possessive. me i put my trust in her~I love her deeply and i have been so faithful to her that i cant imagine myself being with another woman.

 

 

so im stuck at if i should confront her on this or just let it slide and bring it up later if she acts strange.

 

 

Oh Yea as she was leaving for work she said i was not my usual self as i was very BLAAAAHHH:( she even called me 20 mins later asking what was wrong and if i have something to tell her.

 

 

i think she knows that i have a hint about whats going on;)

 

this whole situation is crazy because my girlfriend has told me she is an open book and now she's hiding these texts about this guy. why do that if there is nothing going on with you this guy??? which i dont think there is because i am always with her. this guy could be a potential cheatmate.

 

also she has also told me how she cant stand cheating and it hurts her that people do it,she said she has never cheated before in her relationships. i am starting to wonder her true character~she has told me what happen to the humanity in relationships & marriages.

 

it boggles my mind:eek: what should i do?any advice would be greatly appreciated

 

Just ask her what is going on with this guy. As for deleting the bookmark...that is a good sign. Maybe she realized that it looks inappropriate to take that much interest. Just ask her why she is hiding the texts, and if you should be concerned?

[lkjh]

Just ask her what is going on with this guy. As for deleting the bookmark...that is a good sign. Maybe she realized that it looks inappropriate to take that much interest. Just ask her why she is hiding the texts, and if you should be concerned?

 

If I delete a bookmark its to hide something not stop taking interest in it

 

 

Every girl on here claiming that going through text is so bad is a complete hypocrite, because I can assure you that each and everyone of them have snooped in some way or would if they actually had a bf.

[make me believe]

Err... I have a boyfriend and I have never snooped through his phone/email/anything! So, no, I'm not being a hypocrite when I criticize this dude for doing so. ESPECIALLY because he's completely over-reacting and refusing to actually TALK to his gf about what he found! Instead, he thinks the solution is to cheat on her in advance, just in case this ONE picture and ONE bookmark means she's fking some other guy.

[Malenfant]

Every girl on here claiming that going through text is so bad is a complete hypocrite, because I can assure you that each and everyone of them have snooped in some way or would if they actually had a bf.

 

thats total BS

oh, you missed a bit when you were busy tarring us all with the same brush