gaudi Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 As of today I'm 29 days NC and at the moment I'm not feeling too bad, good days and bad days but, well you know. One thing I have found though is, the way I seem to think of her now appears to be a really blinkered view. It's really strange but although I do love her, and remember all the good times we had. I find it really hard to think of any bad things that used to happen. Arguments we would have over petty things (I know we had them because it's one of the reasons we broke up) don't even seem to come into my head anymore. It's as though I only ever went out with this one perfect person. I love her to bits but I myself know she wasn't perfect. So when I think of her now and imagine at us getting back together, I just marvel at how wonderful it would be. But I'm now starting to believe that I'm simply kidding myself. I know the kind of things that tore us apart this time could easily re-surface if we didn't work it out better. But this type of stuff just isn't in my head. It's like my mind, or my heart, is trying to convince me how wonderful a person she is, when I now for a fact I had some issues with things she would do during our relationship, but all this doesn't come up when I'm thinking of her. When I have bad days, I'm absolutley 100% convinced that I fell in love with the worlds most beautiful wonderful girl, who I loved more than anyone ever would, and then I lost her, and I would never ever love any like I love her. Then I have days like today where I can see clearly that I must be an absolute gonk for thinking it was so perfect. I lost a great relationship. But not nearly as great as my heart/mind/soul is now trying to make me think it was. Anyone else ever feel like this........??
Silver_star Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Have u thought about keeping a journal? Writing these things down will help you keep a more consistent perspective. When you are having a good day and you remember that it wasnt "right" in the end and she wasnt perfect (as no one is) and you remember why you werent together...write it down. Then when you have a bad day (which is normal) and u remember all the good times and never the bad in between...look at the journal and remind yourself of how it really is. The good "days" are reality, and the "bad days" are you just feeling lonely and reminicing on a once good time...its no longer reality and it will pass.
ginyi1111 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I understand what you are going through. You are rationalizing with yourself that even though she wasnt perfect she was imperfectly perfect for you. That you will never find anyone like her that can love you the way that she does. Unfortunately now, you have to only concentrate on her flaws and stick with it. Because if you focus on how wonderful she is you will never be able to move on. Today is a good day for me. I went round the office asking people that know my ex what they think of him and a lot of them didnt really like him that much and told me i can do better. I know he was good to me but I have no choice, I have to just fix my mind there that I CAN get better than him and I deserve to. Anyone that dumps you, is not worth to be in your life because they have decided to give up the priviledge of being the most important thing in your life. And we have to always remember that.
prayingshecomesback Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 you are right. You have to have to have other people tell you the relationship was messed up and you could do better. Because you will always be thinking about the good times and what you could have done to make the relationship work. All my friends and family could not stand my ex. Even people who met her one time. Those are the people that need to reinforce to you that this is for the better and you CAN do better. You will do better. Hang in there.
Vampire Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 When I have bad days, I'm absolutley 100% convinced that I fell in love with the worlds most beautiful wonderful girl, who I loved more than anyone ever would, and then I lost her, and I would never ever love any like I love her. Then I have days like today where I can see clearly that I must be an absolute gonk for thinking it was so perfect. I lost a great relationship. But not nearly as great as my heart/mind/soul is now trying to make me think it was. Anyone else ever feel like this........?? Right with you brother. 75 days NC. For the first time yesterday, I saw her for what she really was and not the image of Venus I had in my mind, although Venus was a nickname she used online. The equivalent of me calling my Adonis I guess. The truth is in the finer details my friend. Here, this thread clarified things for me. My response in this thread is what I really believe my situation to have been like. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2590656#post2590656 As for writing a diary - I've written one since I was 13...many years ago. I've written more in the last 6 months since the breakup than I have in the decade I was with her. Therapy? Dunno. But it helps to get it out on paper. Maybe one day I'll read it back and realise she wasn't worth the tears,
Wicker_Parked Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 (edited) I read this 30 day phenomom in a breakup book on how to get your Ex back, it states that a psychological re-arrangement happens in the brain when all the bad is forgotten and whats left is the good thoughts and loneliness this happens to your Ex or the female counterpart, this is the best time for you call and reconnect as it states as the walls will be down and the emotional and logic is balanced... Personally i think this is true, i have found that when i would make contact with my Ex in say 1-2 weeks on no contact i would run into someone with a barrier up, but after say 4 weeks i would make contact and find my Ex really responsive, happy, ready to make plans with me and she even told me that all she would think about was the good things about our relationship. I think that it is best to actually try and get past this stage and to think of them as a stranger that was once a part of a good period in your life. However for me, when i get the feeling or urge of missing her, thinking of her in a good light or making contact i think back to my Ex when she told me that she slept with a guy that looked like me while i was snowboarding with my friends. Lol now everytime i think of her, i think of her being with another guy right then and now when i think about her. It hurts but it forces me to move on... Edited January 12, 2010 by Wicker_Parked
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