erb Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I was curious if some of the more savvy relationship experts out there could shine some advice on my situation. I had been in a relationship with a great girl for the past 4 months and everything seemed to be going well. I let her be in the driver’s seat on the relationship and she pushed hard (spending the night several times a week after the third date). I am thinking everything is going well and have her meet my parents at the beginning of December and invite her to a Mardi Gras ball in Feb (big event down here, black tie, floor length gowns, and expensive). I give her a great Christmas gift right before she goes home (for the Holidays) on the 18th of December, and everything seems just fine. I keep talking to her every day that she is away and I figure that things are just fine. Then right before New Years Eve I get a text saying that she wants to be single. I respond, a bit drunk, that we can take care of this when she gets back (Jan 9th) and that she is her own person to do whatever she wants but I was not going to do things over text messages. I keep no contact for about a week and a half (Jan 7th) then I break down and inquire if she had already bought a dress for the ball and if she still wanted to go as friends (I did not want to put her out if she spent a lot on her dress), to which she responded that it was my decision and that she would go with me if I wanted her to go, which I said that I was ok with that. Flash forward to January 9th she was driving back to town and we have break up call during her drive. I tell her my feelings, that we have something special, just so she knows and she responds that she still wants to be single and independent. I am ok with this, and that is fine for me. We agree to be friends (we are both volunteer coaches on the same sports team so we will see alot of each other and that is the only option) and end the call without any issues. I end up getting several texts that night saying she got home safe and wanted to know what I was up to. I am courteous to each and even offer to let her buy me a beer (trying to be nice) at the bar I was at, she declines. The next day I get several more texts, out of the blue, from her just inquiring about my day, and how the football game is going and I respond to each. Now, I more than a bit confused, since I broke no contact on the 7th she has texted me every day. So my question to the relationship experts is should I assume that these texts mean something or should I assume that this is just part of being friends afterward? I am ok either way, but being less confused would be a definite benefit. Any insight or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks, erb
sunrae Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 ERB, Sounds like either 1) she wants her cake and eat it too... or 2) she has a guilty concious and is trying to be to nice and ease her guilt... If it would be easier for you and less confusing, just ask her/or tell her you are confussed and she is sending you mixed signals, by saying she wants to be single but still contacts you all the time.
Silver_star Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 It is easy to misinterpret text messages because their is no tone, or body language to view or hear. From what you have told me about the relationship it sounds as though she has jumped off the relationship boat because she now wants to be single (she may have intereset in another guy or have pursued a new relationship) but she still wants your full attention and access to your life. that was a perk that should have ended with the relationship...and you are taking whatever you can get from her. Not cool. Id say if you want to maintain friendship go a while without phone contact, and when you see her (for your sports teams) keep it casual. If she is a good friend she will get it, and give u some more space. Dont let her take advantage of you by giving in to her every need or question, she made her choice.
Author erb Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks for the responses, it is always good to get a few outside rational viewpoints on relationship questions. By the way I must say that this forum is great idea and place.
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