Do you really care how many partners a woman has been with?

[Stung]

As carhill was saying, I think a woman can be just fine in bed with a little practice with one or even no previous partners. I mean come on, is it that hard to have sex?

 

Personally I agree that men and women tend to learn more in long-term sexual relationships than in a series of one-night stands. I'm not sure how you inferred that I was endorsing a series of meaningless sexual encounters as the only way to gain sexual knowledge, or that I was focusing solely on sex and technique. While there are sexual techniques that can be learned to gain in skill--and as everybody is different and has different preferred techniques, it's certainly not uncommon to learn different skills from different partners, adding to a repertoire--technique is not the be-all end-all of sex, nor is sex necessarily all you gain from a sex partner.

 

The 'fruits of my experience' were not merely an increase in mechanical proficiency in the art of soulless humping, and I would be sad for anyone male or female who had gained only that from their lovers. In my case I learned many things from different partners, not only physical skills but also how to be confident, comfortable with myself and exploratory, assertive about my own needs and desires, emotionally connected, emotionally resilient, open to introspection and compromise, among many other things. And yes, my husband benefits from all of the above. It is possible to learn most of that from one person, but there's nothing wrong with learning them from more people, and to be honest neither my husband nor I would have been personally interested in the prospect of going through teaching someone very inexperienced.

[Stung]

by sexual do you mean he is the best partner you have ever had? Because I call bs on that. also while he has had a sexual relationship it does not mean he is not thinking about it silently if you have had much more than him.

 

How can you possibly call BS on MY evaluation of MY sex life with MY husband? How weirdly sad and presumptuous of you. Allow me to remind you that you have never met either of us nor do you know anything about the level of our emotional and sexual connection...and I'm guessing that you don't know much about the complicated interplay of emotion and romance in sexuality, either, judging by your comment . Also perhaps if you had read more closely you might have noted that I described him as a man with a full and varied sexual history of his own, not A prior relationship. He is not sitting around crying into his beer because I have a sexual past, too.

[St. Nick]

I think this is a double standard perpetuated by both men and women. In many cases, I've met women quick to call other women sluts and look negatively upon them even more than guys. Women complain about other women having too many sex partners at least as much as men do. Ask my old lady, my aunts, my other female relatives, and various female acquaintences (sp?) I've had in the past. All of them were quick to pounce on a woman for being a slut more than my male relatives and friends.

[tigressA]

The 'fruits of my experience' were not merely an increase in mechanical proficiency in the art of soulless humping

 

:lmao: "Soulless humping". That just really got me! Thanks for making my day

 

The rest of that post is very insightful, Stung. I liked it a lot.

[sagetalk]

i've seen a few posts where men look down on women who have had a lot of partners or into casual sex. Just wondering when you court a girl do you ask her how many men she's been with? I've never had a guy ask me that before.

 

I know women who have had a lot of partners and they still end up getting married and having a traditional life like everybody else. Maybe their partner didn't care or they lied about how many men they've been with.

 

The more men a women has been with, the less attracted I am to her. It makes me feel like I'm getting someone's leftovers or second best.

[calazhage]

Personally I agree that men and women tend to learn more in long-term sexual relationships than in a series of one-night stands. I'm not sure how you inferred that I was endorsing a series of meaningless sexual encounters as the only way to gain sexual knowledge, or that I was focusing solely on sex and technique. While there are sexual techniques that can be learned to gain in skill--and as everybody is different and has different preferred techniques, it's certainly not uncommon to learn different skills from different partners, adding to a repertoire--technique is not the be-all end-all of sex, nor is sex necessarily all you gain from a sex partner.

 

The 'fruits of my experience' were not merely an increase in mechanical proficiency in the art of soulless humping, and I would be sad for anyone male or female who had gained only that from their lovers. In my case I learned many things from different partners, not only physical skills but also how to be confident, comfortable with myself and exploratory, assertive about my own needs and desires, emotionally connected, emotionally resilient, open to introspection and compromise, among many other things. And yes, my husband benefits from all of the above. It is possible to learn most of that from one person, but there's nothing wrong with learning them from more people, and to be honest neither my husband nor I would have been personally interested in the prospect of going through teaching someone very inexperienced.

 

 

After having read all that, I feel most men prefer a woman with fewer partners.

 

Typically women who have a high number of partners become less emotionally connected to sex. Which is a huge turn off for me.

 

As for teaching, once again, if you loved someone:

 

A. How much is there to teach a woman?

B. You make it sound like it would be such a huge and draining chore to do what? Teach a woman to open her legs? Have her sit on top? Bend over? I don't think it would be such an arduous task..

 

If given the choice, I feel most men would rather marry a virgin over an ultra experienced sex worker..

[Crazy Magnet]

:lmao: "Soulless humping". That just really got me! Thanks for making my day

 

The rest of that post is very insightful, Stung. I liked it a lot.

 

 

Yeah, I was about to quote soulless humping myself!

 

bwahahahahahaha

 

 

 

Most of the sex I've had has been in either a LTR or at least an R with someone I have known for years, even if it was only 6 months or less. I've never done completely random sex or ONS....all I can think is HERPES! And I never even get close to going through with it. I'm sure if I felt like it I could be well over 100 at my age, but that's just not me. I don't know a lot of girls who seriously open their legs for anything that moves.

 

Still though, after a lot of years of being single people are going to accumulate some type of past, especially those who don't get married until 30 or even later.

[Crazy Magnet]

After having read all that, I feel most men prefer a woman with fewer partners.

 

Typically women who have a high number of partners become less emotionally connected to sex. Which is a huge turn off for me.

 

As for teaching, once again, if you loved someone:

 

A. How much is there to teach a woman?

B. You make it sound like it would be such a huge and draining chore to do what? Teach a woman to open her legs? Have her sit on top? Bend over? I don't think it would be such an arduous task..

 

If given the choice, I feel most men would rather marry a virgin over an ultra experienced sex worker..

 

I'm wondering if you've just never had sex with a woman who has skill. There's a lot more involved in toe curling than spreading legs or bouncing around on top. There's an art to it. lol

 

Just like men have to learn (and yeah, it sucks to teach someone how to have sex) women have to learn too. I didn't get all my moves over night. I didn't figure out exactly what to do to make a guy lose his mind by spreading my legs and laying there.

 

Do you have boring sex or something? lol

[St. Nick]

I'm wondering if you've just never had sex with a woman who has skill. There's a lot more involved in toe curling than spreading legs or bouncing around on top. There's an art to it. lol

 

Just like men have to learn (and yeah, it sucks to teach someone how to have sex) women have to learn too. I didn't get all my moves over night. I didn't figure out exactly what to do to make a guy lose his mind by spreading my legs and laying there.

 

Do you have boring sex or something? lol

He's right though. Most men would prefer a virgin to an experienced woman. And many men aren't interested in the "toe curling" romantic sex that women like; many find that sex boring and would rather have erotic sex. I once described what I like during sex (i.e. lip-biting, pulling her hair and smacking the side of her butt in doggy, grinding, rolling around, etc.) and many women on this forum described it as "abusive and pornographic"; yet that's what many men like. And it doesn't take a ton of time to learn to do that stuff.

 

I agree with him. It doesn't take any huge effort to be sexually pleasing in bed. In fact, I'd say it takes more effort not to be sexually pleasing. You're making it seem like learning this stuff is an metaphysics or something.

[Crazy Magnet]

He's right though. Most men would prefer a virgin to an experienced woman. And many men aren't interested in the "toe curling" romantic sex that women like; many find that sex boring and would rather have erotic sex. I once described what I like during sex (i.e. lip-biting, pulling her hair and smacking the side of her butt in doggy, grinding, rolling around, etc.) and many women on this forum described it as "abusive and pornographic"; yet that's what many men like. And it doesn't take a ton of time to learn to do that stuff.

 

I agree with him. It doesn't take any huge effort to be sexually pleasing in bed. In fact, I'd say it takes more effort not to be sexually pleasing. You're making it seem like learning this stuff is an metaphysics or something.

 

 

lip biting, hair pulling=toe curling sex.

 

Just don't smack her too hard! lol

 

If sex were easy, then why have I encountered men who suck and don't know anything about female anatomy! haha

[mortensorchid]

I've learned over the years not to kiss and tell. It doesn't matter how many partners you or the other person has or hasn't had, what counts is today. Quite honestly, it's none of my or their business. It would be foolish if not downright neive of you to assume that no one has had a past, unless you are with a group who are certifiable virgins (high school, perhaps), but it's the past.

 

Quite honestly, after years of being known as the gal who told it like it was and never lied, I have learned not to be too open and honest with others at first. I keep them guessing about me.

[St. Nick]

lip biting, hair pulling=toe curling sex.

 

Just don't smack her too hard! lol

 

If sex were easy, then why have I encountered men who suck and don't know anything about female anatomy! haha

I've encountered people who cannot play bass guitar (said to be the easiest musical instrument known to man) no matter how hard they tried. I've encountered people who can drive forward but suck at reversing. I've encountered people with degrees from prestigious schools who don't know the first thing about cars while high school dropouts are experts. I know people who don't know how to use a remote control. I know people who don't know how to do their own laundry.

 

I'm sure everyone can think of people who suck at doing things that are relatively easy. Just because people suck at something doesn't make it hard. Your theory is faulty.

[tami-chan]

I think that most men don't care. But there are some women who lie when asked, although I don't know how common that is.

 

Why ask, if you don't care? Is it just idle talk?..asking for the sake of asking...? and not liking the truth or not believing the answer? If you don't care, don't ask.

 

I have no problem disclosing...heck, I only had two in my lifetime. The person who will ask me about the number of lovers I've had better beat my number...and that would be ONE! If not, I say, don't ask! :laugh:

[Ross PK]

As carhill was saying, I think a woman can be just fine in bed with a little practice with one or even no previous partners. I mean come on, is it that hard to have sex?

 

Exactly, you don't need a manual.

[Golfilla]

Exactly, you don't need a manual.

 

That's true, but on the other hand, if she's never been interested in sex with anyone else before, she probably won't be interested with you either. I know a lot of guys have this idea that they're going to marry a nice, virgin, Christian girl and turn her into their own personal slut, but those guys have obviously never met or dated a woman like that. If she's a virgin at 25, she'll probably only have sex when she's ready to have her first child, not before, and very probably not after.

 

Besides, does anyone have any way of actually *knowing* how many sexual partners a person has had prior? People lie with such impunity these days that you really can't tell for sure anyway. My personal philosophy about someone's sexual past is "dont ask, don't tell". I'll be using a condom regardless.

[calazhage]

I'm wondering if you've just never had sex with a woman who has skill. There's a lot more involved in toe curling than spreading legs or bouncing around on top. There's an art to it. lol

 

Just like men have to learn (and yeah, it sucks to teach someone how to have sex) women have to learn too. I didn't get all my moves over night. I didn't figure out exactly what to do to make a guy lose his mind by spreading my legs and laying there.

 

Do you have boring sex or something? lol

 

 

I know some women like to think so, but trust me, it is not all that hard..Good sex for me is 90% mental on my part. If I am not in love with the girl, or do not respect her, or am wondering where she has been, I really do not care what type of moves she starts doing. No woman is going to make me "lose my mind" if I do not have deep feelings for her.

 

And I seriously doubt a woman having drunken one night stands or internet hook ups is really improving her "skill".. It would be like a fat person spinning their gluttonous behavior of extreme cake eating into "I have really become excellent at the skill of cake eating! It is an art!".. How hard is it to eat cake?

[Crazy Magnet]

I know some women like to think so, but trust me, it is not all that hard..Good sex for me is 90% mental on my part. If I am not in love with the girl, or do not respect her, or am wondering where she has been, I really do not care what type of moves she starts doing. No woman is going to make me "lose my mind" if I do not have deep feelings for her.

 

And I seriously doubt a woman having drunken one night stands or internet hook ups is really improving her "skill".. It would be like a fat person spinning their gluttonous behavior of extreme cake eating into "I have really become excellent at the skill of cake eating! It is an art!".. How hard is it to eat cake?

 

I never said one night stands were the way to go. Although, I can't really speak as to what anyone would learn from one since I have never had one. I think people learn what they like by having lots of sex in a committed relationship where nobody feels insecure about exploring new things.

 

I totally agree with whoever talked about guys wanting to marry some virginal girl who isn't interested in sex and then turning her into some sort of sex maniac. I know several men who've ended up this way, and now complain and moan about how their wives never give it up or just lay there like a fish. lol

 

My favorite are the men who say "I thought she would change after we got married.." Really?!? You thought vows would make her rip your clothes off??

 

It does take a bit of practice to figure out what's going on in bed. For me that's in a relationship, I don't know what it takes for other people to figure it out.

[donnamaybe]

For the guys on this thread (and they are NUMEROUS) who think it's okay for a man to have a vast sexual history but not a woman, IMO that is because they are afraid they won't measure up. If a woman has a very limited sexual history, she won't have much to compare them to, which makes them feels soooo much more secure.

[Woggle]

For the guys on this thread (and they are NUMEROUS) who think it's okay for a man to have a vast sexual history but not a woman, IMO that is because they are afraid they won't measure up. If a woman has a very limited sexual history, she won't have much to compare them to, which makes them feels soooo much more secure.

 

Not at all. Women who are sexually liberated or whatever you like to call it usually tend to be feminist and that means they do not make good wives and partners. They also are much more likely to cheat.

[donnamaybe]

Not at all. Women who are sexually liberated or whatever you like to call it usually tend to be feminist and that means they do not make good wives and partners. They also are much more likely to cheat.

 

Well that's just a ridiculous assumption. But then, you've always been negative about any woman, regardless her views on ANYTHING. So now any woman who doesn't kowtow to men like they are some kind of subservient lesser entity are all going to be cheaters, huh?

 

Sorry you can't handle a woman with a backbone.

[Woggle]

Well that's just a ridiculous assumption. But then, you've always been negative about any woman, regardless her views on ANYTHING. So now any woman who doesn't kowtow to men like they are some kind of subservient lesser entity are all going to be cheaters, huh?

 

Sorry you can't handle a woman with a backbone.

 

If you were a man and had a choice to marry a feminist or a stepford wife what would you pick? Put yourself in a man's shoes and be honest with yourself.

[Crazy Magnet]

Well that's just a ridiculous assumption. But then, you've always been negative about any woman, regardless her views on ANYTHING. So now any woman who doesn't kowtow to men like they are some kind of subservient lesser entity are all going to be cheaters, huh?

 

Sorry you can't handle a woman with a backbone.

 

 

I am obviously missing the connection between feminism and cheating. They are related how again??

 

I guess I better get back to the kitchen....and the floor needs mopping...it is only my domestic nature which keeps me from falling on random penises.

[Crazy Magnet]

If you were a man and had a choice to marry a feminist or a stepford wife what would you pick? Put yourself in a man's shoes and be honest with yourself.

 

 

I personally don't want a cookie cutter spouse. My life is to interesting for them to survive more than 24 hours!

[Woggle]

I am obviously missing the connection between feminism and cheating. They are related how again??

 

I guess I better get back to the kitchen....and the floor needs mopping...it is only my domestic nature which keeps me from falling on random penises.

 

I would guess that feminists are much more likely to cheat than stepford wives. Feminists view cheating on a man is turning the tables and just payback for injustices against women. There are many women who view it as a feminist act of rebellion.

[donnamaybe]

I would guess that feminists are much more likely to cheat than stepford wives.

 

I disagree. I think all that represssion would eventually make someone act out much more egregiously than if they had just been treated like a respected human being from the get go.