Do you really care how many partners a woman has been with?

January 12, 2010

This particular double standard is a myth or at the very least almost completely faded out. I don't even know why this topic comes up in relationships these days in the U.S. as most people have partners into the double digits, and after the double digit point, it just seems there's not much difference between 15 and 55.

I never ask, and just assume most women I date have had many more partners than I have.

Would you really want to marry a woman who has been with 100 guys? Given the divorce rate is already 50%, don't you think someone who is used to being promiscuous might be more likely to cheat, then decide not want to be married, and then you lose half your stuff?

FOr a non serious relationship, if they are STD free, then you have apoint, but if you want a serious relationship, someone who has been promiscuous is a bad bet for a serious relationship like a marriage because they are used to it,and given the society with live in with such high divorce rates...

January 12, 2010

I don't look down on women who have slept with a lot of men, I just wouldn't want one as a partner/wife. As a friend or someone to just have sex with, no problem

I don't ask about it either. Never have and never intend to. However if I find out one way or another that a girl I'm with has had a lot of sexual partners then I'll never consider her as a serious prospect.

Depends also on what one considers a lot of sexual partners. For me personally, a woman of my age (almost 29) who as slept with more than 20 different men isn't someone I'd want as my girlfriend.

For me also the type of men a woman has slept with in her past is just as important as the number, if not more. A girl who has a pattern of sleeping with bad men is also someone that I wouldn't want as a girlfriend.

Keep in mind that this is my view. I'd have no problem with any woman who'd be turned off by my number or type of women I've slept with. It's her choice and I respect it.

Also this isn't a double standard at all. It's women themselves that love having men that have been around a lot. A 25 year old male virgin is waaaaaaaaaay less appealing to women than a 25 year old guy that's rooted heaps of girls.

Also terms like slut, whore, skank, etc are used much, much, much more by women against other women. And what's even worse is the men who use such terms without a care are usually the guys that have women flocking to them!!

Nice guys never get the upper hand in the dating world. It's just that at some point, women realize that there's not enough bad boys for woman in this world, even if these bad boys wanted to settle down.

As for the 'sweet girl next door', she is never at a disadvantage in the dating world to begin with. Unlike women, men don't reject potential mates for being too nice.

Quoted for truth!

Everyone is entitled to go through a crazy phase in their life. Even women.

True.

Just as everyone is also entitled to consider how many people a person has slept with when considering them as a potential romantic partner. Even women

January 12, 2010

Would you really want to marry a woman who has been with 100 guys? Given the divorce rate is already 50%, don't you think someone who is used to being promiscuous might be more likely to cheat, then decide not want to be married, and then you lose half your stuff?

FOr a non serious relationship, if they are STD free, then you have apoint, but if you want a serious relationship, someone who has been promiscuous is a bad bet for a serious relationship like a marriage because they are used to it,and given the society with live in with such high divorce rates...

There are so many women out there who have been with 100+ men these days that to eliminate them from an already 80/20 junk treasure ratio for that alone just doesn't make sense. I used to feel differently, but one day decided it was some male pride issue of mine rather than a true moral stance.

Do agree, though, that promiscuous women have a higher chance of disorders, impulsiveness, bad character traits, but will reject them for those reasons rather than the "number" alone.

January 12, 2010

someone who has been promiscuous is a bad bet for a serious relationship like a marriage because they are used to it

From what I've seen growing up, this has always turned out to be true without any exception.

Also I've noticed that those who say... 'the past is the past and has no bearing on the present. Focus on what you have now and stop judging.' ...are usually ones with a shady past themselves.

Ofcourse the past impacts the present, only someone delusional thinks otherwise!!

January 12, 2010

It's got nothing to do with being considered easy or with women "getting in touch with their sexuality". In fact, I've never heard of anyone rejecting a woman because she was too in touch with her sexuality. What a bizarre thing to say.

Here's why some men dislike women who have been around the block too many times. In my observation, girls who sleep around a lot don't sleep with just anybody. Their short-term flings are inevitably with guys who are out of their league for the purpose of long-term relationships. So they have their fun with the typical hot guys who have zero interest in anything more serious with them. At the same time, the typical 'average' guy is getting blue balls (as evidenced by the multitude of posts from frustrated men on these forum) because he's too short, or too bald, too unhip, too middle class, or too whatever.

At some point, the fun loving gal decides that she wants to get married and have kids and reluctantly realizes that she will have to settle down for an 'average guy'. And this average guy, who is now 30+, is all of a sudden a much hotter commodity than he was in his 20s. He is out of college, established in life, and is suddenly in demand with women whose biological clock has hit the eleventh hour. But all these years of rejection and frustration have made him resentful. And now that he has the upper hand hand in the dating world, it's not surprising that he is biased against women who have been sleeping around with the 'cool' guys while avoiding men like him.

How are you going to blame women that have nothing to with you for your lack of sex life? Just what sense does this even make??

Men do this all the time. They even put women in categories:

the girls they have fun with

and the ones they marry

Why can't a woman do the same??

January 12, 2010

Why can't a woman do the same??

She can. Who is stopping a woman from doing that?

January 12, 2010

Would you really want to marry a woman who has been with 100 guys? Given the divorce rate is already 50%, don't you think someone who is used to being promiscuous might be more likely to cheat, then decide not want to be married, and then you lose half your stuff?

FOr a non serious relationship, if they are STD free, then you have apoint, but if you want a serious relationship, someone who has been promiscuous is a bad bet for a serious relationship like a marriage because they are used to it,and given the society with live in with such high divorce rates...

There's no way for you to know exactly how many partners a person has had. Usually ppl who have had that many partners are not going ot reveal that to you anyway. You can just hope that the person is STD free and wants to be monogamous w/ you.

January 12, 2010

There are so many women out there who have been with 100+ men these days that to eliminate them from an already 80/20 junk treasure ratio for that alone just doesn't make sense. I used to feel differently, but one day decided it was some male pride issue of mine rather than a true moral stance.

Do agree, though, that promiscuous women have a higher chance of disorders, impulsiveness, bad character traits, but will reject them for those reasons rather than the "number" alone.

I guess that makes sense. I guess a man having some kind of standards is like a woman who has height, looks, and income requirements. You're lucky to get anyone these days. Kinda sucks that you basically need to find a religious nut these days to find someone who hasn't been promiscuous. I am not promiscuous, and even if I had game, I still wouldn't be promiscuous. I have no desire to rack up numbers and have sex with every woman I can. I have no desire for "strange", never have, never will.

January 12, 2010

I am sorry but no self respecting man wants to be what a woman settles for when reality hits her and she realizes she can't tame the wild beat and make him commit and if she did she would probably fall out of love anyway. My advice to men is that if they didn't want you then tell them to take a hike now. The best feeling in the world for a former nice guy turned attractive prospect is using this new-found power to your advantage. I love my wife but I wish I would have spent more time as a player playing with the women who used to reject me.

You can't play games with women who rejected you and are not interested. Are you going to go around and make every woman pay for what some did to you?

January 12, 2010

From what I've seen growing up, this has always turned out to be true without any exception.

Also I've noticed that those who say... 'the past is the past and has no bearing on the present. Focus on what you have now and stop judging.' ...are usually ones with a shady past themselves.
Ofcourse the past impacts the present, only someone delusional thinks otherwise!!

Makes me think what a joke marriage is, because women I have known who have cheated left and right on their boyfriends are starting to get married, and I know that those relationships either will have to be open, or will end in divorce.. So I wonder why gay marriage is such a threat to the "sanctity" of marriage when straights already make such a mockery of marriage.

January 12, 2010

How are you going to blame women that have nothing to with you for your lack of sex life? Just what sense does this even make??

Men do this all the time. They even put women in categories:

the girls they have fun with
and the ones they marry

Why can't a woman do the same??

Nobody says they can't, and they do, far more than men do. The few guys out there having sex, well, are the few elite that get virtually all of the sex with those women. Hence why I think women are even bigger commitment phobes than men these days because it's so much easier for women to have sex, while it's much more difficult for men to have sex. Why commit when you have so many options?

January 12, 2010

Would you really want to marry a woman who has been with 100 guys? Given the divorce rate is already 50%, don't you think someone who is used to being promiscuous might be more likely to cheat, then decide not want to be married, and then you lose half your stuff?

I can't get on board with this statement. I see your point, but it doesn't fit with me. I have been with a double digit amount of women, yet I have never cheated or been unfaithful to a girl I was in a relationship with. Fidelity is a very important thing to me, and I'll never cheat; even though many would call me highly promiscuous.

January 12, 2010

Another factor to consider is compatibility. As someone who has always had relations with higher number partners, the one overriding commonality has been the disconnect between their numbers and their enthusiasm for and skills about sexual intimacy. That's something I'm going to watch more closely in the future. Conventional wisdom tells me that someone who has sex a lot, and with a lot of partners, generally loves sex and is good at it. Looking forward to that

January 12, 2010

Men do this all the time. They even put women in categories:

the girls they have fun with
and the ones they marry

Why can't a woman do the same??

Women can do the same thing. Lino already made good points, but you ignored his replies.

There's no way for you to know exactly how many partners a person has had. Usually ppl who have had that many partners are not going ot reveal that to you anyway. You can just hope that the person is STD free and wants to be monogamous w/ you.

Don't ask, don't tell, I get that. But what if someone asks? Do you think it's okay to lie.

January 12, 2010

Another factor to consider is compatibility. As someone who has always had relations with higher number partners, the one overriding commonality has been the disconnect between their numbers and their enthusiasm for and skills about sexual intimacy. That's something I'm going to watch more closely in the future. Conventional wisdom tells me that someone who has sex a lot, and with a lot of partners, generally loves sex and is good at it. Looking forward to that

But it's also more likely they will just view as a bodily function, hence you're more likely to get cheated on since there is not much meaning to it, only about getting off. If you want to be married, and don't want to be divorced and have to pay lots in alimony, this is a bad idea for you.

January 12, 2010

low self esteem women make for bad relationships because they want the approval of everyone, hence they will quickly move on to get the approval of someone else.

And men with low self esteem make for bad relationships because they aren't confident enough to think that they and only they can keep their woman happy. Lack of confidence breeds jealousy which breeds resentment on the partner's part. That's a toxic mixture, and yes it can and often does lead to pushing people away.

January 12, 2010

Ah, beta, you are not yet used to my riddles. See the connection (and disconnection) between conventional wisdom and life experience for the key; it impels one to look deeper into the psychology of numbers. Fascinating journey. I was married to someone who viewed sex as a bodily function. The problem was, such a perspective was not revealed in a way I comprehended until I was married, and for a good while. Marriage is a wonderful teacher. Don't fear it. Learn from it. You'll have the iron-clad prenup. No worries

January 12, 2010

And men with low self esteem make for bad relationships because they aren't confident enough to think that they and only they can keep their woman happy. Lack of confidence breeds jealousy which breeds resentment on the partner's part. That's a toxic mixture, and yes it can and often does lead to pushing people away.

That's still not as bad as cheating to feel affirmed about your worth.

I don't think any guy thinks he is confident enough he can keep their woman happy, I think just that the confident guys don't care and realize they can just date someone else, whereas the beta/unconfident guy thinks this is his last chance.

January 12, 2010

they can keep their woman happy

A confidant man shares his happiness, as does a confident woman. A woman who needs or requires me to 'make her happy' is incompatible. Enjoy

January 12, 2010

I think the problem isn't necessarily all men's attitude towards this. Often, women feel 'shame' at their number, and it shows when they answer the question. It's more acceptable for a man to have slept with scores of women (total bogus IMO) I don't really understand why.

Although I did read somewhere that men are biologically programmed to 'spread their seed' if you will. Whereas, women aren't.

I don't have a problem with my number, and if any guy I date does, well that's his problem, not mine. I can't change the past, nor would I, the only thing that is relevant to him is if I'm disease free

January 12, 2010

i went out with a girl who had worked for an escort service at one point. I fell hard for her and she dumped me. i guess someome's past really DOES mean something

What does her having been an escort have to do with your relationship not working out? Did you ever think that perhaps you picked someone who isn't fit for a relationship?

Makes me think what a joke marriage is, because women I have known who have cheated left and right on their boyfriends are starting to get married, and I know that those relationships either will have to be open, or will end in divorce.. So I wonder why gay marriage is such a threat to the "sanctity" of marriage when straights already make such a mockery of marriage.

Ok this is going to p*ss some people off but here's my view on this subject (and yes, we're both off topic):

Because the basis for marriage is religion -- more importantly God. When people stand up on the altar they are making a vow to each other and a covenant with God. God defined marriage as a union between a man and woman -- not a man and a man.

Homosexual partners have all of the same benefits as married partners have, at least here in the state of California. I don't see why having a "title" should matter. It's semantics at this point....

And for the record, there are no statistics that say homosexual marriages are any more successful than heterosexual marriages.

Don't ask, don't tell, I get that. But what if someone asks? Do you think it's okay to lie.

You don't have to lie. You can simply say "My past is none of your business...." If they don't accept that, then that is HIS problem, not hers.

Frankly I don't see the point of asking this question in a relationship. The past is the past and should have no relevence to a present or future relationship.

What's the old saying? "Let sleeping dogs lay..."

January 12, 2010

A confidant man shares his happiness, as does a confident woman. A woman who needs or requires me to 'make her happy' is incompatible. Enjoy

Agreed. People can't make each other happy, per se. You just share your happiness around, is why happiness is infectious.

January 12, 2010

Nobody says they can't, and they do, far more than men do. The few guys out there having sex, well, are the few elite that get virtually all of the sex with those women. Hence why I think women are even bigger commitment phobes than men these days because it's so much easier for women to have sex, while it's much more difficult for men to have sex. Why commit when you have so many options?

I disagree with this statement. If its so difficult for men to get sex then where do names like 'tramp' 'slut' and 'easy' come from? if its that hard then names like this wouldnt be so often and widely used. When men want sex they know exactly the type of woman to get it from. It's not that difficult for them. Maybe its just hard to get it from the most attractive women.

January 12, 2010

I disagree with this statement. If its so difficult for men to get sex then where do names like 'tramp' 'slut' and 'easy' come from? if its that hard then names like this wouldnt be so often and widely used. When men want sex they know exactly the type of woman to get it from. It's not that difficult for them. Maybe its just hard to get it from the most attractive women.

20% of men get 80% of the sex from women. It's women who call women sluts and tramps. A woman only requires a pulse to have sex, a man has to have a lot more things going his way, hence why beta males don't get laid, because they lack those things. 99% of women could walk into a bar and shout "who wants to go home with me?" and will have a taker.

That would only work for Brad Pitt or some other celebrity. It requires skill for a man to have sex, and it only requires a pulse for a woman to have sex.

January 12, 2010

That's still not as bad as cheating to feel affirmed about your worth.

Some people cheat just for the thrill of it. Not for affirmation.

I don't think any guy thinks he is confident enough he can keep their woman happy, I think just that the confident guys don't care and realize they can just date someone else, whereas the beta/unconfident guy thinks this is his last chance.

See Carhills response below....

A confidant man shares his happiness, as does a confident woman. A woman who needs or requires me to 'make her happy' is incompatible. Enjoy

ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY! It's not my JOB to make someone happy. If you can't make yourself happy being completely solo, you're not going to be any happier in a relationship.

In fact, suffice to say that's why many relationships don't work. People go into them thinking "I've found my road to happiness". If you haven't found the road BEFORE you go into a relationship you aren't going to find it after.

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Do you really care how many partners a woman has been with?

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