Do you really care how many partners a woman has been with?

[Ruby Slippers]

That's an excellent perspective.

 

My average is 1 partner every two years (if you take my "number" and divide by the number of years I've been sexually active).

Good point! It's the same for me -- 1 partner every 2 years, on average, and that's even including the 2 one-time flings I had a long time ago.

[C-i-C-u]

Like most women, I've had opportunities to have sex with hundreds of different men, and if I'd made a specific effort, that number could get up into the thousands. But I've had sex with fewer than 10 men, and almost all of these were men I was in a relationship with.

 

I'd hardly be considered promiscuous, but I speak up in these threads because the generalizations are narrow-minded and ridiculous.

The thing is that you are not like most women, and there are some really good people at hiding their jerkiness.

[donnamaybe]

She is an intelligent and independent woman but she actually likes men and treats me well.

 

Ahhh, so you admit we DO exist. GOTCHA!!!

[Woggle]

Ahhh, so you admit we DO exist. GOTCHA!!!

 

She soundly rejects the feminist label as well.

[donnamaybe]

She soundly rejects the feminist label as well.

 

Aha again! So women canNOT be classed into either feminists or "stepford wives."

 

That's what I thought.

[Woggle]

Aha again! So women canNOT be classed into either feminists or "stepford wives."

 

That's what I thought.

 

I never said that. It is the feminists who view women such as my wife as stepford wives. There are some women who faithful women that don't cheat as stepford wives.

[donnamaybe]

I never said that. It is the feminists who view women such as my wife as stepford wives. There are some women who faithful women that don't cheat as stepford wives.

 

WRONGO!!! "Stepford wives" don't have careers.

 

See, your problem, Woggle, is you try to divvy women up into little categories, as if there are only two types. When, oh when will you learn?!!!

[Woggle]

WRONGO!!! "Stepford wives" don't have careers.

 

See, your problem, Woggle, is you try to divvy women up into little categories, as if there are only two types. When, oh when will you learn?!!!

 

I have had women refer to her as a stepford wife because she does not cheat.

[donnamaybe]

I have had women refer to her as a stepford wife because she does not cheat.

 

Well that's just stupid, and you and I both know it.

[meerkat stew]

Whoever said that "hot", by itself, is as important a criterion for sex to women as it is to men?

 

Well it is, but it also doesn't matter to my point. The point is that whenever these topics about a woman's number get brought up, the false stereotype that men are praised for having a higher number gets brought up by posters with some logic weakness, and claimed as a double standard justifying sexual gluttony in women, a "sin" deriving from impulsiveness that only a few men are even capable of committing.

 

1. That men are generally praised for having a high number is false. Maybe teenagers or young college aged men think like this, most adult men do not, nor do most women of any age. Men are given more leeway to sow wild oats when young strictly because they don't suffer the risks of pregnancy, no other reason in current culture.

 

2. Women have vastly more control over seeking and obtaining sex than men do regardless of criteria. Your claim that there are some other criteria that women seek besides desirability in a sexual partner holds no water whatsoever in modern culture. Even if it did, women STILL have vastly more control over when and with whom they have sex than men do to the point of making a comparison of the genders totally apples/oranges in this respect.

[Woggle]

Well that's just stupid, and you and I both know it.

 

Yes we do but it is the way many women feel.

[donnamaybe]

Yes we do but it is the way many women feel.

 

You really need to move out of Jersey then, because most of the women on LS (if you look at the whole forum and NOT just the cheating/divorce threads) and all my friends feel the same way.

[GrayClouds]

More then a number it is the reason behind the number.

 

Any number can suggest an casual attitude towards sex, an ability to disconnect the emotional component from the physical, an unhealthy desire to satisfy the ego at the expense of self-esteem, the use of sex dysfunctionally satisfy other needs.

 

The number it's self is less import but it is the attitude that lead to the number if people are working toward a long term relationship. Did they come to a number through healthy or unhealthy attitudes and behavior around sexuality? If unhealthy, have they recognized it and worked towards a healthier place.

 

For oneself to understand and be able to communicate why and how they got to a number allows a each partner to see if it can be a relationship of shared virtues. Sexually compatibility based on similar attitude towards sex rather then some simple numeric calculations.

 

I suspect most of us would take a highly curious, interested, emotionally engaging partner then over a self absorb, disinterested, emotional detached one no matter what then number they had. Try to use a number to as a yard stick to judge is a poor measure of what you will get, way to open to personal biases, and a easy way to avoid a more important conversation.

 

As much as we love to talk about sexual intimacy, we really don't like intimate talks about sexuality, but far more important conversation.

[stillafool]

 

In my research sitting back and researching female sexuality and attitudes, I have a probably not popular belief (at least amongst these modern-day alph-male wannabees) that men are threatened more by the details of her sexuality and how that relates to his sexual attributes and skill.

 

That is, if he knows she has been with Lexington Steele with his baseball bat endowment, hel feels, what's the use? he has no chance of being a sexual superstar-insecure to some, but understandable, no?

 

Finally, a man who is honest as to why men can't stand the thought that there has been others before him. They are afraid that they won't measure up to what the other guy did and they will be judged. Well, women feel the same way.

 

yes, men still also view more promiscuous women as more likely to cheat. So, that old thought is still in play too.

 

 

As well, we women view promiscuous men as more likely to cheat.

 

women are like this too, even though they won't admit it. How many women say they don't want a male model? tons. That's because it takes the power away from them. They like feeling that they can do better than the man in the relationship, and he can't get better than her. They also feel threatened by other women vying for her man. So, she will take a less goodlooking man because it makes her more secure. Of course, they will choose that man for other more noble reasons, but I think what I just described exists for both sexes.

 

 

Well, honestly I don't feel that way. I like a goodlooking man and most of the women I know do as well. Male models aren't not hard up for dates, so I don't know who these women could be. In my experience the most goodlooking guys treat you better. Maybe it's because they haven't been use to rejection and aren't bitter like some guys.

[donnamaybe]

As far as your "passed around" comment, let me make one thing VERY clear. Many women just enjoy sex occasionally, even if, heaven forbid, there isn't some kind of long term commitment involved. It's not a matter of any passing around going on. Those days are over, and some "men" just can't handle that women get choices now.

 

Sounds like someone got passed OVER and is bitter.

[AAlike]

Put it this way..

 

Let's say you meet and enter a serious relationship with a VERY attractive woman.. In the past she was either A or B.

 

A.Prior to meeting you, she viewed sex as something fun to spread around to most guys who bought her dinner. She slept with dozens of men.

 

B. Or, prior to meeting you, she viewed sex as something she does not freely give away, as she must be in love first. She slept with 2-3 men.

 

Now what man on Earth would prefer this woman to be more like woman A?

 

I would rather marry a woman who values herself. A woman with self control. A woman who cannot disconnect love from sex.

 

Many guys today just have to settle for woman B. Woman B however is not their first choice.

 

Ummm...none of the above? What is it with the extremes on this board? how about someone that doesn't sleep with everyone but also doesn't sleep with no one?

 

I want a girl that is comfortable with her own sexuality. My guess is neither that a girl that sleeps with anyone NOR a girl that has to be unequivocally in love is likely to be so. In addition, I have a feeling I'd have a different moral compass than someone that places this "value" on chastity. I'd prefer (and have found) a girl that, like myself, has a fairly middle-off-the-road sexual history and a high sex drive. Whether she's had ONS or relationships in the past is irrelevant as long as she's over them and free of STD's.

 

oh, and LOL at the phrase "give away" - that whole "chastity as a commodity" thing is a riot to me in this day and age. I also love when guys talk about a woman "respecting her body" - the subjugation disguised as compassion is great.

[pyroguy]

[QUOTE=stillafool;2708813]As well, we women view promiscuous men as more likely to cheat.

 

 

 

 

Well, honestly I don't feel that way. I like a goodlooking man and most of the women I know do as well. Male models aren't not hard up for dates, so I don't know who these women could be. In my experience the most goodlooking guys treat you better. Maybe it's because they haven't been use to rejection and aren't bitter like some guys.[/quote]

 

 

I posted that awhile back, and I believe it. By goodlooking, do you mean model-like? that would sort of prove some feelings by some of the men. If a woman's standards are going to be that high, why bother?

 

Actually, this Kid Dynamite, while a bit over the top, does have a point, in that men CAN have standards, whether you like them or not. Women have these tough modern-day standards too, and while some men despise them, women are very confident in their right to have said preferences.

 

You are right, and I was the one who brought it up:men definitely worry about who she's been with, and how he will stack up. It may not be on the surface, but it's in the back of their heads.

 

I will say that even for me, I don't think I want a woman who has constantly slept with men just for the hell of it. I'd like a little moderation. Now that I'm older and hopefully more evolved, that stuff doesn't bother me as much, but yes, even I will have those thoughts of who she's been with-I'm human.

 

For the ladies: if you knew a new guy in your life had lots and lots of partners, and one was a Playboy centerfold and one was huge porn star, how would you feel? honestly?

[CarrieT]

[QUOTE=stillafool;2708813]As well, we women view promiscuous men as more likely to cheat.

 

I am probably one of the more promiscuous women on this site (although I know there are a few whose numbers are higher), but I have NEVER cheated.

 

So I think that blanket statement is not necessarily true and by holding on that belief, you are perpetuating the myth.

 

For the ladies: if you knew a new guy in your life had lots and lots of partners, and one was a Playboy centerfold and one was huge porn star, how would you feel? honestly?

 

I have had a number of relationships with men who have had LOTS of partners, and as long as both our tests are clean (I've never had an STD), than I have no problem. The clincher is being HONEST and OPEN about your feelings and expectations.

 

And, the guys who have cheated on me were not necessarily the more promiscuous ones!

[sally4sara]

For the ladies: if you knew a new guy in your life had lots and lots of partners, and one was a Playboy centerfold and one was huge porn star, how would you feel? honestly?

 

Honestly?, he must not have liked what he was getting out of those situations AND...

 

He ain't seen nuthin yet

Dunn dahhhh

nah nah nah nah no no

No he ain't seen no no nuthin yet

 

But if he had been in only a couple relationships where he'd lied, acted low, and treated people shabby (like looking down his nose at people who'd consented to have sex with him) I want nothing to do with him.

[sweetjasmine]

the lesson here, women, is that you depreciate to worthlessness through sex. so stop having it.

 

Yeah, basically, but at the same time, if you don't spread your legs for HIM, then you're cold or a prude or have intimacy problems or have sexual hang-ups. Women who have sex are "tainted" and "used", but if they don't put out, they're also worthless.

 

Women are like cars - a tool for you to use for your enjoyment and an object that needs to be replaced once it's racked up too much mileage.