Do you really care how many partners a woman has been with?

[carhill]

In any case, a female will eventually communicate her history to you, even if it's not overtly communicated. Actions, anecdotes, behavior, inclinations...these will tell you more than any number.

 

Sam, I like this. Thanks. I put the rest of my analysis in a journal. You boiled it down nicely.

[carhill]

In any case, a female will eventually communicate her history to you, even if it's not overtly communicated. Actions, anecdotes, behavior, inclinations...these will tell you more than any number.

 

Sam, I like this. Thanks. I put the rest of my analysis in a journal. You boiled it down nicely.

[Stung]

Would also suggest that men's best strategy is to mutilate the female after fertilization so that she is unattractive to competitive males.

 

 

False. Using the same highly simplified model of primitive biological imperative, the time for the male to be concerned about competition would be BEFORE fertilization...after, doesn't matter, the seed has been planted. If anything the male's drive might be to move on and spread more seed elsewhere, in which case leaving an attractive and desirable gravid female would be desirable, so she could attract another mate to help raise the departed male's offspring to adulthood.

[carhill]

Or, so as to maximize his own potential for progeny, and to conserve biological and real assets, the second male could and likely would kill the offspring of the first male, generally as quickly as possible, pre or post-natal, and replace it with one of his own.

 

Interesting, this numbers stuff. One can see the pragmatic benefits of polyamory

[Stung]

 

Interesting, this numbers stuff. One can see the pragmatic benefits of polyamory

 

Indeed...

[Skump]

i've seen a few posts where men look down on women who have had a lot of partners or into casual sex. Just wondering when you court a girl do you ask her how many men she's been with? I've never had a guy ask me that before.

 

I know women who have had a lot of partners and they still end up getting married and having a traditional life like everybody else. Maybe their partner didn't care or they lied about how many men they've been with.

 

Hell yes I'd count being a slut against a girl. If a girl treats something as sacred as her sexuality like ordering a meal at McyD's, I'm going to be repulsed. Anyone attracted to a lifestyle of promiscuity isn't right for me. Period.

 

FWIW, in saying this, I'm not holding women to a higher standard than I hold myself.

Edited January 13, 2010 by Skump

[Sam Spade]

False. Using the same highly simplified model of primitive biological imperative, the time for the male to be concerned about competition would be BEFORE fertilization...after, doesn't matter, the seed has been planted. If anything the male's drive might be to move on and spread more seed elsewhere, in which case leaving an attractive and desirable gravid female would be desirable, so she could attract another mate to help raise the departed male's offspring to adulthood.

 

 

Meh, here's another easy solution - grab and enslave a female before she had reached fertile age, then keep her locked at least until she's done giving birghts to your kids, and voila - that's how you know no other males have had access to her.

 

People can cook all sorts of evolutionary crap to justify their actions - anything but using their own brains and morals.

[gypsy_nicky]

IME, I definitely would care how many partners a woman has had.

 

It's so easy to say that it shouldn't matter in order to not be labeled as judgmental/frigid etc (my previous post on this), but I'm finding that the more women I date who have had had numerous sexual trysts with various men have character deficits.

 

I have seen women like this justify their sort of behavior as 'normal', when it really isn't (there are just as many men who do not sleep around but only fantasize about it). I find that women who engage in this sort of behavior show a very selfish and self centered character.

Edited February 25, 2010 by gypsy_nicky

[Lucy_b]

I do care It's healthy to talk about your ex partners and why the relationship ended to get a idea of what your new partner is like and acts or what makes them insicure.

 

You can build on the things that lack trust to get the wheels in motion for happy trustin relationship.

 

My ex partner had problems with her ex gf's so they left her and had nothing to do with her resulting in her being scared of relationships and commitment, to which she pushes anyone who comes her way nice.

 

Which is a shame as deep down she is a beautiful women deep down who has been hurt so therefore she think if she acts like the rest she wont get hurt if she gets in there first.

 

So yes.

[calazhage]

My views on women who sleep around..

 

1. Basically are more desperate.. They have a constant need for male attention/affection/love and they use sex to get this.

 

2. The ones who can completely diconnect sex from love typically have more than a few psychological problems..

 

3. There is a double standard because almost any woman can get sex anytime they choose. Only a tiny % of men can do this.

 

Having said the above, how would I feel about entering a relationship with a woman who sleeps around? Assuming she is attractive, she will be hit on several times a day no matter where she goes. Do I want to enter a life long commitment with a woman who views sex as fun, and does not connect it to love? I feel she would be far more likely to cheat, sooner or later. Or I can just blindly believe that since she met me, sex will only tie sex to love from now on? It's possible, but less likely. Random sex offers a rush that sex connected to love cannot replicate, and many women might become addicted to this feeling.

 

As for men, the double standard exists because even if we had more partners 99% of us must put plenty of time and energy into pursuing sex. It is reasonable to believe that we will not be in "pursuit mode" once we decide to settle down.. Of course there are a tiny % of men that have women offering them sex day and night, and if I were a woman I would not count on this man being faithful.

 

In the end, you very rarely, if ever, see a high value female that is stable, intelligent, attractive and with high self esteem sleeping around for fun with strangers.

[sally4sara]

I care. More than 5, and I consider it a red flag.

As for this being a double standard - yes, it is, and rightly so. Even the most handsome of men need to put some thought and effort into getting women. While women don't need to do anything - just say "yes".

If something requires skill, discipline and effort to achieve it - you get credit. If it doesn't - you don't (you're just showing lack of restraint).

Of course the skilled hunter who has to run and hide and wait to kill his dinner will get more credit than the fattie who's only accomplishment is being unable to say "no" to the extra hamburger, or any food that (literally - delivery) comes his or her way.

 

Not to mention that it is simply an urban legend that men who've slept around too much are considered "studs"; they get plenty of bad rap, from both sexes.

 

With this standard, all ugly folks should screw anyone who will lay with them and attractive folks should join a monastery/convent. you must be ugly and just want off the hook or to think highly of yourself for your actions while looking down on others for the same.

[Lucy_b]

With this standard, all ugly folks should screw anyone who will lay with them and attractive folks should join a monastery/convent. you must be ugly and just want off the hook or to think highly of yourself for your actions while looking down on others for the same.

 

 

LOL this made me smile good comeback to true thank you for puttin a smile on my face on a crap day

[C-i-C-u]

I care, but it depends on what type of men was she being promiscuous with. If she chased and stayed with bad men, then that would say a lot of her. Also, typically women are screwed when they lots of sex, it makes them more likely to cheat than some guy whose had lots of sex(but then again that all depends). I'm a guy whose had lots of sex, and I know another guy whose older than me, taught me so much on women, and he is 44. He has sex with 19 yr old girls and most women look up to him. It must be because he is a pilot and 6'3 sadly most women associate that with being a hero and good protector primitive women:rolleyes:. The truth is that the guy has been married five times all marriages have ended when they found out he was always cheating and had never been faithful. Oh, and he is also abusive and a big bully, the sad thing is that many of the older children he has that are male are like him. Big, mean, and womanizing.

[gypsy_nicky]

For those who say that it's a 'deal breaker' or a 'turn-off' ... my question:

 

How exactly do you think you'll know for sure... I can't believe someone who had numerous partners.. would be dumb enough to divulge the numbers... honestly...

 

For example.. if you ask him/her.. and she says a number (any number).. how do you know that this number is 'real'... really... give me a break!

 

you know this statement clearly gives away someone's persona. I can see a person who's a liar, less conscienctious, amoral and at the same time ashamed and embarrassed with what they've done.

[GoodOnPaper]

I care, but not from a pure numbers standpoint -- and I don't think that it's helpful to get overly analytical about what type of guys she slept with and under what circumstances -- most likely there are some "bad boys" in her past. Instead, it's experience imbalance that would be of more concern to me. If I attracted women on a regular basis, I probably wouldn't care at all about how many partners a prospective gf has had. However, having been a low-demand male, if I found myself starting a relationship with a woman who has had significantly more partners than I have had, I would have mixed feelings. On the one hand, it's flattering that she would think that I might measure up. However, the thought that she'll always have options to cheat while I won't would be disconcerting. And I would be especially conscious about whether she seems to be as sexually open with me as I think she would have been with her past "bad boys" -- see threads like this as a case in point:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222423/

[gypsy_nicky]

still on topic.

 

Ive read here that women whove been around don't really spill the beans to someone theyre presently involved in.

 

What if a woman reveals her true number of men to you? Does this mean she's bluffing or really telling the truth thus shooing you away? Anyone?

[calazhage]

still on topic.

 

Ive read here that women whove been around don't really spill the beans to someone theyre presently involved in.

 

What if a woman reveals her true number of men to you? Does this mean she's bluffing or really telling the truth thus shooing you away? Anyone?

 

 

I think you can tell without asking..

 

For example, how long did it take to get her into bed? First night after being drunk? Are feelings established?

 

Secondly, how does she act after sex? Does she jump out of bed and go about her day? Is she wanting to keep the moment special?

 

And days after sex, is it clear she is your girlfriend? Or is she obviously dating others? Has she confessed love after sex, or is it that big of a deal?

 

It is easy to tell how important sex is to a woman by many other subtle clues. Then you can get a good picture of her past.

[gypsy_nicky]

I think you can tell without asking..

 

For example, how long did it take to get her into bed? First night after being drunk? Are feelings established?

 

Secondly, how does she act after sex? Does she jump out of bed and go about her day? Is she wanting to keep the moment special?

 

And days after sex, is it clear she is your girlfriend? Or is she obviously dating others? Has she confessed love after sex, or is it that big of a deal?

 

It is easy to tell how important sex is to a woman by many other subtle clues. Then you can get a good picture of her past.

 

my post was a bit general. Nah man, not those scenarios you mentioned, because yeah, you can definitely gauge when involved in them.

 

Its happened in the past and I usually bail and never return calls/sms's

 

I mean when initially meeting a woman or your on a first date and then she blurts out her history. This usually grosses me out and I bail.

[meerkat stew]

This whole idea about men's number being a badge of some sort because they had to work for it, and women's being a black mark because they didn't, I find silly. Men might have to work harder to have sex at all, but women have to work just as hard to have sex with men we want to have sex with.

 

I doubt you would ever sit across a table discussing this topic with live people and make such a claim with a straight face. Instead of 60 seconds walking down a shopping mall to find an average guy to have sex with, any non hideous woman could spend, say 5 more minutes to scope out a hot guy for sex who would be willing. This 5 minutes is about as long as it would take Brad Pitt to find a hot woman who was willing for sex. So every non hideous woman has the same sex pulling ability with hot partners as Brad Pitt.

 

Glad someone brought this thread back, because if it is a microcosm of women's attitudes out there, it behooves any man to be very careful. One thing to be learned is that many women (based on responses to the thread) see no problem at all with lying about their sexual history or changing gears and acting like a tramp with one group of men while inconsistently giving the impression of being a quality relationship partner to another group. The tendency towards dishonest inconsistency in and of itself is telling of poor quality and lack of any general respect for the opposite sex.

 

Facts: Someone who overindulges in sex is a glutton. Gluttony is defined as overindulgence in food, drink or intoxicants to the point of waste. Sex is an intoxicant, likely as addictive or damaging in one's character makeup as alcohol or any drug. Sexual gluttony is only a possibility for about 5% of men.

 

The primary character weakness that leads to gluttony is impulsiveness, a lack of self-control or discipline. Impulsiveness is also the trait in a person that most leads to risky, unwise actions. In other words, a person who is impulsive about sex is more likely to be impulsive about running up massive credit card bills, developing addictions, letting herself go physically after commitment, having personality disorders (many of which list impulsiveness as a symptom), cheating, and a whole host of other bad behaviors.

 

It wouldn't be a far leap for a man to conclude that a particular woman who had shown signs of sexual gluttony was more likely to show impulsiveness in other ways that would make her a poor partner. Of course, the end estimation would be case by case based on the woman in question. A woman who had a "wild streak" in college but had shown discipline and self-control in her sex life since, NBD. A woman who has a pattern of ONS, FWB, etc., MUCH more likely to have other bad traits. Going forward, I think I'm moving over to the "red flag" camp on this issue.

 

Finally, as in all threads where this issue comes up, women claiming that men and women are in the same boat where control of acquiring sex is concerned are making a complete "apples and oranges" comparison.

 

Only the top 5% of men have the control over obtaining sex as the top 70-80% of women do. No comparison whatsoever, no "good for the goose good for the gander" argument even possible. Keep rationalizing though ladies, that you won't even admit the truth of this fairly plain fact is telling. Sexual gluttony is almost exclusively a female issue.

[Stung]

I reveal my number if asked because I've lived a life and I'm not ashamed of it. I learned through experience to become who I am today, and I wouldn't have wanted a man who was too sheltered to understand that. I was thirty when I met my husband, and had had several short but intense flings, some longer deeply emotional relationships, a couple ONS and some periods of celibacy where I took time off to be by myself to focus on other things. I dated mostly men, a few women. I have experimented with open relationships a time or two, then ultimately decided monogamy was far better for me. I have never, ever cheated on anyone because I place a high value on integrity, kindness and respect between partners. I have never had any STDs and I always used protection and respected my own health. I was completely open with my husband about all of this, and because he's a confident adult male with a full and varied sexual history of his own, it didn't bother him in the least. He's got ZERO fears that I will cheat on him, he enjoys the fruits of my experiences, and he's definitely the best, most intensely meaningful sexual, emotional and romantic connection I have ever made, and I KNOW what's out there to 'compare' him to...that's why I married him. :love:

[Ross PK]

No I wouldn't ask as I wouldn't care.

 

I would however prefer her to have not had absolutley loads of relationships, because if she has there'd be more of a chance that our relationship wouldn't last.

 

As for non serious sexual partners, I honestly couldn't care less if she's had a lot. At least it means she's not a prude and enjoys sex.

[carhill]

An additional issue for myself was numbers not matching up with sexual style or prowess. I've come to sincerely believe that there is no clear correlation between numbers and interest in or 'experience' wrt sex. A woman can achieve high numbers simply by presenting herself as a receptacle to any number of males and gain little to nothing from those experiences wrt making love or pleasing a man in bed. This is one example of why the LS truism of trying before buying is so important, and it applies to both genders. The difficult part is, in the midst of falling in love, seeing the trees in the forest for what they are. This is where people who can emotionally disconnect (topic of another recent thread) have a clear advantage, assessing the mechanics of sexual compatibility in a logical and reasonable fashion.

[calazhage]

he enjoys the fruits of my experiences,

 

 

As carhill was saying, I think a woman can be just fine in bed with a little practice with one or even no previous partners. I mean come on, is it that hard to have sex?

[donnamaybe]

I mean come on, is it that hard to have sex?

 

Apparently, in some cases it's harder for women to GET good sex then to give it.

[C-i-C-u]

I reveal my number if asked because I've lived a life and I'm not ashamed of it. I learned through experience to become who I am today, and I wouldn't have wanted a man who was too sheltered to understand that. I was thirty when I met my husband, and had had several short but intense flings, some longer deeply emotional relationships, a couple ONS and some periods of celibacy where I took time off to be by myself to focus on other things. I dated mostly men, a few women. I have experimented with open relationships a time or two, then ultimately decided monogamy was far better for me. I have never, ever cheated on anyone because I place a high value on integrity, kindness and respect between partners. I have never had any STDs and I always used protection and respected my own health. I was completely open with my husband about all of this, and because he's a confident adult male with a full and varied sexual history of his own, it didn't bother him in the least. He's got ZERO fears that I will cheat on him, he enjoys the fruits of my experiences, and he's definitely the best, most intensely meaningful sexual, emotional and romantic connection I have ever made, and I KNOW what's out there to 'compare' him to...that's why I married him. :love:

by sexual do you mean he is the best partner you have ever had? Because I call bs on that. also while he has had a sexual relationship it does not mean he is not thinking about it silently if you have had much more than him.