1983Girl Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 My Ex and I broke up over a year ago after being together for 8 months. He broke up with me. I know I was very needy and didn't treat him well at times. Started lots of fights, could be controlling and made drama and such. We remained "friends" because we go to the same church and wanted to remain on good terms. It was really hard for me to move on because although I've been attending that church for over 2 years, and I make friends very easily, I haven't been able to find good, close friends there besides my ex. Now, we both realize that the friends thing isn't working because now both of us can't really move on after a year. We can't date others comfortably and we can't date each other. Also this whole time he wasn't really sure, but now he says that he knows that he can't imagine us being together. This entire time as friends I've been the one doing most of the contacting. I just feel so alone at times, and that's the feeling I hate and am afraid of the most. Don't get me wrong, I do have many good friends. It's a loneliness that no person can fill. I just don't know how to cope with it at times. I hope you guys can help.
xerofate Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 1) First of all: Your actions did not force his decisions. His thoughts and feelings forced his decisions. You saying you were controlling or what not doesn't mean anything. It is you blaiming yourself. Realize that HE made the decision to end it, not you. You may have done things in the relationship that you regret, however your actions did NOT force him to make the decision he made. 2) You might want to seek some counsling. It sounds to me like you are depressed. The feeling of constantly being alone is not typical feeling that people experience. 3) lastly, my favorite qoute of all time: "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." - Marcus Aurelius, 121-180 AD
Author 1983Girl Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks for the reply, it helped. And I really like your quote. I want to have faith that there is better out there, and I don't have to cling on to what I'm trying to salvage... something that is/has been gone. It is harder facing the fact that you have no control of the situation that means the world to you. That something so important to me, can be controlled by someone else and be their decision... and not mine. So I always think that I could have done something different, when it's not true. I don't think I need counseling though. I tried that and it didn't help much. I think I need to think less and do more . Can anyone tell me what to expect, what you go through when you are starting No Contact??? I just want to make sure I go through the path of Healing and not of Wallowing. Although, I'm sure it's different for everyone.
Recommended Posts