BW007 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I am moving on in life a bit, but I am still just getting beaten on by a dead relationship. I am still missing her. This is serving no purpose to me but pain. I cannot seem to be thoroughly over this. NC for 9 months but she moved 2 blocks away. OK, that has hit me two different ways.... 1. She has lived there for 6 or more months with this new guy and this both throws this in my face all the time and 2. Increases the rejection because it would take so little effort for her to come see me (not a realistic or rational thought) and make an effort. I guess I mean the lack of effort from her to save our old relationship still hurts. She never fought for me. I am also hating her so much right now. Why? Because I still love her so much and I feel completely rejected as a person and screwed over. She cheated she lied, she was dishonest for a very long time,and she may or may not be having a kid, yet none of that has completely extinguished the emotions I have about her. Anger at one point was actually progress beyond self-loathing and depression in the old Kubler Ross grief cycle, but now it just feels like poison. This had calmed down and deadened, but it came right back to the surface again with no particular trigger that I can put my finger on. I suppose that the fact that she may be having a kid ( although I suspect she lost the kid) is part of the equation in that I thought we would have a kid together. The fact that I don't know what is really up with her about this and everything still seems like a loss to me. This still remains so near the surface and I know the facts of life but am still suffering against my will and logic.
DenverBachelor Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Because I still love her so much and I feel completely rejected as a person and screwed over. She cheated she lied, she was dishonest for a very long time,and she may or may not be having a kid, yet none of that has completely extinguished the emotions I have about her. Anger at one point was actually progress beyond self-loathing and depression in the old Kubler Ross grief cycle, but now it just feels like poison. You may never fully reconcile your emotions towards this relationship. As time goes on, the mind tends to forget the worst and remember the best -- if we didn't, we'd all go insane by the age of 12. You're forgetting a lot of the bad times and that's why a lot of the heartache may be resurfacing with time. Out of the time you do spend thinking of her (which is way less than right after the breakup), you are spending a significantly higher fraction of that time remembering the better times compared to bad times. You'll just have to keep letting time move you forward while accepting that you may never make a complete recovery. Who is to say how certain relationships affect us as individuals -- some are defining keystone moments and they will just linger forever inside you. Good luck.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 DenverBachelor is a very wise man. My break up was only 6 weeks ago, but the more time passes, the more I begin to see things that I used to "let slide" as being negative and indicative of bigger issues. So I guess you could say that the more time passes the more my rose colored glasses wear away. From this distance on an intellectual level, he is no longer someone I would love. Of course on an emotional level I am still mush, and if he were to call today, I would probably be right back at square one. I cannot imagine how hard it would be for me if he lived so close and I ran into him all the time. I am sure it would stunt my healing process - as it appears to have done yours. I suggest you take your rose colored glasses off and remember who she really is. What she really does and how that makes her not for you. Good luck
mickleb Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Hey BW So sorry to hear you're suffering so. May I ask if you've read 'The Journey From Heartbreak to Connection' yet? (It's a very effective, structured plan that takes you right through this process. You may need something like this to help lever you out of the rut you feel you are in. x
selena_cat Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 (edited) Hey BW Remember this too shall Pass, I still think living in the same neighborhood as her is not helping,but what can you do,and in a way Ignorance is Bliss,why know what she is up to unless you rwant to break NC which isnt wise. Just stay on strict NC, Eat healthy foods, treat yourself to occasional juicy 20 oz Steak and my fave, Baked Salmon Fillet,get plenty of rest and listen to the Buena Vista Social Club. Edited January 12, 2010 by selena_cat
paleblue Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 it takes awhile, even a couple years, maybe even more for some! but you are going about it the right way as far as i am concerned - NC. maybe you are still in love with the person she once was - what you once had - but she is not that same person anymore. she looks like her, sounds like her, but she is not the same person. not sure what it is - but are you Really going to be happy with someone you know has cheated on you? realistically...no. it will always be in the back of your mind - will she do it again? probably. and i doubt anyon really wants to live their life like that. if you started meeting new people i think you would start feeling better and get out of this rut you are stuck in. it doesnt matter anymore what she is or isnt doing. all that really matters is what you are doing for yourself and what you are doing with your own life at this point that makes you feel good about things.
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