lovelydivorcee Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Hi LS. This is my very first post. I wish I had found you all 2 years ago when I first separated from my husband. We separated Feb 2008, divorce was finalized October 2009. We have 2 children ages 5 & 3. My problem? I still feel like I did the day after I left him. Our marriage was plagued with verbal abuse, text messages totaling 5040 in a single month, online chatting, etc. on his behalf. After separating I would still come over on weekend w/kids and things were ok. Eventually I saw we weren't progressing to work towards reconciliation and living under the same roof again. I felt like he was content playing house on the weekends and being single during the week. I simply can't believe I allowed this to go on for 2 years! I don't know what happened to the time. I decided to file for divorce March 09. It was uncontested but things took a little longer than usual. The ex claims to this day he didn't realize he was signing the final decree, more on that later. November 09 ex was constantly asking who I was involved with. Said he could tell since I didn't come around or call. In September I finally wised up and pulled away. In Nov., he show up at my office while the guy I had been going out with(nothing serious, just a distraction) was there. He appeared so hurt and bothered. He wrote s heartfelt email telling me he could be the man I wanted. He could make me happy, etc. I believe the email. Call off the dating the other guy and focus on the ex. I explain I ended things he should do the same with the women he was seeing, communicating with. He says he won't do that. He won't commit to me until I resolve his issues, making him feel like he matters. A week later he's saying he feels hurt by me dating. He can't trust me. He has unresolved issues. He can't commit until he sees improvement in me. I was speechless. The other women was a HUGE factor in us splitting ,now we resume a relationship at his request he's making it seem like I'm the one coming on too much too fast. I am brokenhearted all over again cuz I let him back in for that small amout of time. Over the 2 years spearatin/divorce we've only gone 2 days at a time not communicating. I told him we should have no contact. If not directly about the kids do not contact me. Any advice is greatly appreaciated. I feel so foolish because I've let this go on so long. But my heart and brain could never agree. I know I'm responsible for the pain I am in.
Elizabrary Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I'm sorry you are going through this. I feel like an idiot too because of all the sh*& I allowed my husband to put me through over the years and kept taking him back believing all his lies. It torments me- why would I believe him when he was so obviously a liar. At any rate, 3 weeks ago I threw him out when I found out he was sleeping w/the neighbor and immediately filed for divorce. I have had NO CONTACT with him, except for the day he was served the papers and called me because he couldn't believe it. I'm in terrible pain, plus beating myself up for being such a fool and wasting 10 years of my life on a sociopath. The N/C has helped me immensely- it has gotten me much farther than ever in the past. I know if I keep it up I will feel better in a few weeks. I do feel better than at the beginning, although I have bad days (today is one!). Hang in there, and I strongly suggest you break off all contact with him (other than to deal w/the kids- then make it like a business).
Author lovelydivorcee Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Ex just sent text asking to come over to see children. I told him no. He needed to make arrangements to see the children on his own time and not at my house. He expresses no concern or desire for me. I'm inclined to believe his brief change of heart came when he found out I had moved on to another man. Once he had me back he no longer wanted me. I am nothing more than a toy to him.
D Day Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I feel the same way if my husband thinks I am going on a date he acts caring. I feel very foolish he said he has felt like this 4 years but I always says thing have been going on longer than what they have been. Just keep posting it feels good to know their r people going through the same thing and all of us care.
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