JodieSmith Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 (edited) I'm currently in a 6 month relationship with my boyfriend. I love him but there is one issue. He does not initiates conversations with my family nor my friends. If he starts a conversation, it's mainly a greeting, a specific topic he knows about or a bye. One of his cousin explained that he's always been that way as a kid to the point he got treated horribly by classmates. Another revealing information is finding out I'm his first girlfriend and has no experience. He will only converse more either when we're alone, he's with his parents or it's a trusted friend. Or should I not said anything and let him be? Lastly how do I get him to sleep with me? Edited January 11, 2010 by JodieSmith
Author JodieSmith Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Has anyone ever dealt with a shy virgin? If so, did they up more through the elapse of time?
dreamergrl Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 You can't make a person do anything. You can try to help him be more comfortable in situations. But you can't force him to do something if he's not ready.
Author JodieSmith Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 You can't make a person do anything. You can try to help him be more comfortable in situations. But you can't force him to do something if he's not ready. That was the reason I kept introducing him to my family and friends over 6 times. My parents think he's the quietest man they ever met which is true. I assume it will take time and for the meantime maybe I should let him be. I just wish there was a way to tell not to be afraid to say whatever he has on his mind. I can't wait when the day finally comes by when I take his V-card. This is the first time I ever had a virgin boyfriend. A friend suggested that maybe a night of beers will do it.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Lastly how do I get him to sleep with me? I can't wait when the day finally comes by when I take his V-card. This is the first time I ever had a virgin boyfriend. A friend suggested that maybe a night of beers will do it. Wow. If a guy talked like this about his virgin girlfriend, he'd be absolutely stoned to death. He's a PERSON, Jodie - not a piece of meat. As for getting him to open up - you have to just let him get there himself. The more you point it out and pressure him, the worse it will get. I used to be very quiet like that. So terribly, painfully shy. The more my family gave me **** about it, the worse it got because I just felt worse and worse about it. Pressure in this particular area will only worsen the problem. If you don't like who he is RIGHT NOW (quiet), then leave him and find somebody more to your liking. It's never wise to fall in love with a man's potential. They are not going to change just because YOU want them to.
colosseum Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Wow. If a guy talked like this about his virgin girlfriend, he'd be absolutely stoned to death. He's a PERSON, Jodie - not a piece of meat. Haha, truth.
tigereyes1428 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Haha, truth. lol - if you were male then you would have started a war with woman telling you off - he needs to want to sleep with you - have you discussed this with him - is he nervous. you need to make sure he knows that he is enough for you and then he may chill out and believe his worth.
Author JodieSmith Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 lol - if you were male then you would have started a war with woman telling you off - he needs to want to sleep with you - have you discussed this with him - is he nervous. you need to make sure he knows that he is enough for you and then he may chill out and believe his worth. Indeed he does seem nervous about it and I want to him comfortable. I have tried many times dressing up in a provocative way but it never led to sex so I thought a couple of beers would make him less nervous. It's alright though if he's not ready but it's surprising how someone at the age of 23 would still be a virgin. Typically most people would lost it at age 20 the latest.
Author JodieSmith Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 If you don't like who he is RIGHT NOW (quiet), then leave him and find somebody more to your liking. It's never wise to fall in love with a man's potential. They are not going to change just because YOU want them to. Don't get me wrong. I'm alright with how he is but I was only stating that maybe as more time passes by, he'll get more comfortable around my family and friends. In the end, I love him.
New_Life08 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 OMG, I am the one for this job!! LOL! My ex husband was a virgin when I met him and he was the quiet type too. Very traditional in his beliefs. Anyway, you have to build trust before he will open up about anything, and the truth is they don't feel any pent up yearnings to open up. It's just how they are. We see it as them holding things in, and they wonder what the hell we are digging for. The bottom line is he does not know how to express himself emotionally.....yet. As for sleeping with you, depending on his maturity he may be the type who has to feel there is a future with you (be in love) before he crosses that line. Yes! There are men like this, they are rare, but do exist. Have you two made out or anything? What does he act when things get heated up? lol .... my ex was really nervous.
New_Life08 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Indeed he does seem nervous about it and I want to him comfortable. I have tried many times dressing up in a provocative way but it never led to sex so I thought a couple of beers would make him less nervous. It's alright though if he's not ready but it's surprising how someone at the age of 23 would still be a virgin. Typically most people would lost it at age 20 the latest. My ex was 22 when we finally did it.
Lovelybird Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 As for sleeping with you, depending on his maturity he may be the type who has to feel there is a future with you (be in love) before he crosses that line. Yes! There are men like this, they are rare, but do exist. I met a guy like this, he doesn't sleep with girls until he marry her, and he desires sex for sure, but he will wait OP, if he has been like this since child, then probably it will take longer than you thought to get him open up. Try to ask him many questions, and after he speak his mind, don't try to judge him, or push him for more
Author JodieSmith Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 OMG, I am the one for this job!! LOL! My ex husband was a virgin when I met him and he was the quiet type too. Very traditional in his beliefs. Anyway, you have to build trust before he will open up about anything, and the truth is they don't feel any pent up yearnings to open up. It's just how they are. We see it as them holding things in, and they wonder what the hell we are digging for. The bottom line is he does not know how to express himself emotionally.....yet. That was one of the sweetest story I heard. I'm sure he was extremely excited at the time. As for sleeping with you, depending on his maturity he may be the type who has to feel there is a future with you (be in love) before he crosses that line. Yes! There are men like this, they are rare, but do exist. This is exactly what I been thinking. He wants to open up but is waiting for the right moment. There is something in him that makes him different from all my previous b/f's and that is he's a great listener. That's an advantage with a quiet one, they won't judge you. You're right very rarely would you find those types of men, the one that appreciates you and is into long-term commitment, not one that has a history of sleeping around, refuses to see a future or goes clubbing every day or so. Have you two made out or anything? What does he act when things get heated up? lol .... my ex was really nervous. We have done almost everything except intercourse. There was a time I thought it would finally lead to sex till he told me he's not ready yet but will let me know followed with an I love you.
Peter Attis Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Sugar, you need to dump that zero and get you a hero!
Author JodieSmith Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 OP, if he has been like this since child, then probably it will take longer than you thought to get him open up. Try to ask him many questions, and after he speak his mind, don't try to judge him, or push him for more It will take a while to crack up that shell but I can wait. I just realized there is really no rush into this. I would rather be with be a quiet one that one that parties every single day and talks non-stopping.
Author JodieSmith Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Sugar, you need to dump that zero and get you a hero! He is my hero. I love him.
OceanTropic Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 6 months and you haven't had sex? Dont push or pry, leave him be. He will come to you, you just need to show him you are trustworthy and loyal, and most of all, you are accepting. Just constantly show him you've got his back, and he will slowly open up. Don't ask him to open up, or talk about certain things, he will only shy away from them more. When he is comfortable enough, eventually these things will slip out naturally.
Author JodieSmith Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 (edited) 6 months and you haven't had sex? Dont push or pry, leave him be. He will come to you, you just need to show him you are trustworthy and loyal, and most of all, you are accepting. Just constantly show him you've got his back, and he will slowly open up. Don't ask him to open up, or talk about certain things, he will only shy away from them more. When he is comfortable enough, eventually these things will slip out naturally. That's what I'm doing from now on. Let things as it is and he will come to me. I think he was about to do it just two weeks ago. I made the mistake of accidentally asking him again if we were finally going to do it to which he backed off and I got the reply I'll let you know when I'm ready. Edited January 13, 2010 by JodieSmith
Recommended Posts