knime32 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 My ex contacted me for the first time since we broke up about 2 weeks ago and pretty much apologized for everything and said that if we had communicated better we probably never would have broken up in the first place. He said he wanted to try talking again and I told him the last time he called (this last Monday) that I couldn't talk to him if he just wanted to be friends. He said he was confused about what he wanted and I suggested that he take some time to really think about what he wants and to not call me until he did. He's been seeing someone else (went on a blinddate 2 days after we broke up). and he's confused about if he wants to stay with her or come back to our relationship. I feel like she's just a rebound and the relationship is still in the honeymoon phase. We dated for 6 years and I feel like he wouldn't be calling me if there wasn't something still there. I haven't heard from him since then and its been almost a week and I'm beginning to lose faith that we'll be able to give our relationship a second chance. I feel like he's too caught up in this new girl to even realize what he left. I know it makes me sound rediculous...I just want him back in my life and work on fixing what went wrong with us. How long should this take really. You can't just make a relationship work for 6 years if you aren't really into it. We had a rough spot in our relationship with me feeling bad about myself and him losing faith in our relationship and everything we were...but that doesn't mean we should be over. I'm losing hope and faith that he wants to try again. Any words of advice? any dumpers do anything like this or any fellow dumpees been put through something like this?
1life8love1trust Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 The early part of a break up is very hard and I want to say it gets better, but its a very long healing process. My ex GF left me for another dude, and It hurt me really bad. We were together for almost 3 years and just like that she likes a new guy. Nothing wrong with our relationship except minor fights that comes with all relationships. I learned that no matter how long 2 months 2 years or even 6 years like yours, its really hard. I am going on 3-4 months of her leaving me, and finally a little over a solid month of no contact with her. The first time I went a month and I called her. She told me she was in a new relationship already(No duh!) That day I said screw it, Ima leave her alone. She calls me a week later, just to tell me she still has my keys.(I had message her friend telling her that I was seeing someone new, so instead of her friend responding she calls me) So point being there is no time with him coming back or not. I have researched and ask many people about this, some said that it took 4 months for their ex to realize that what they had left was the best thing for them. Other ones it took 2 years. One was even 10 years and by then she had 2 kids, with another man, but he still loved her and they got back together. IDK what to really tell you. He dumped you right? Or is it the other way around? In either case, work on yourself right now. Hang out with the ladies, go out have fun. Date other guys. Doesn't necessariely mean you want to be in another relationship but guess what he's dating other women. Eventually something will happen, I don't know what that thing is but something good. I myself is still waiting for that something.
Author knime32 Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 He broke up with me. We've broken up before, but never this long. It usually only last for 2 weeks at the most, we worked out our problems and were happy. This time there's someone else involved and its not as easy. He said when I talked to him that he really was sorry, that he would make it up to me someday and when I made a comment about the new girl, he down-played what they had and made it sound like it was nothing and then the next time I talked to him, he was confused about what he wanted. Maybe I shouldn't had been so resistant to talking and I wouldn't be feeling the way I do right now and we'd be on the way to fixing our relationship. Everytime we talk, I feel like he's waiting for me to say something or to do something, but I don't know what it is. I've been doing what you suggested for the last month and I would love to say that it helps, but it doesn't. Deep down in the pit of my stomach and in my heart, I know that us being apart is completely wrong. I'm actually seeing a counselor and my first visit will be this week and I'm hoping that they will be able to help me work through a lot of my issues becasue I admit, I can't do it on my own. I wish that these things never happend and that people would be able to realize a mistake sooner than they do.
1life8love1trust Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Trust me its never easy, I considered counseling too but 2 things prevented me form doing it 1 was my friends didn't want me to waste my money on something little like this(I have older friends, in there late 40's and they have experience it all) 2 I don't have that kind of money, LOL With that said IDK how many relationships you have been in, but I can tell you this is my first real heartbreak. Point being, there is no day that passes by that I don't think of her. Heck, I try to stay busy but you can never always be busy. There will be a time even if its only 5 minutes of the day that you think of them. I guess that the truth is that pain, gets a little easier. With time of course. You said you guys have been broken up before? Do you mean he has broken up with you before? If this isn't the first time he dumped you, what makes you think this is going to work out? Maybe he is just using you because you love him and he is still immature and wants other "tails." I remember saying this to a friend of mind several months ago, before my break up. My mind set has change dramatically. I understand now why. She too has been with him for 10 years and has had an on and off relationship. They even broke up for a year and got back together. I didn't understand it but ever since my break I get it. The heart is the hardest thing to change. My mind tells me what she did is wrong but my heart doesn't listen. How can it, it doesn't have ears. Nor can the fact that I have seen her with the other dude, my heart can't see it, it has no eyes. Hope is all we have. Many will say move on, but the truth is its harder than it seems. I have dated other women myself but its just not right. BTW you don't have to do it alone, outside of your counselor, you have us here on the forums.. Heck I myself am on this forum everyday. Regarding your last comment, I would have agreed earlier in my break up but you will soon understand that these things need to happen. I never want this feeling, that pain, that misery, the hurt to be wish upon my own enemy as well. I would never want even her to go through this, but its all part of life. Keep us updated, I am hoping for the best for you. Remember, you are not the only one, there are alot of others going through the same thing. We will all get through this stronger.
Author knime32 Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Our last break up was 2 years ago, we were young and dumb. We also have a problem communicating with each other, a problem I know recognize and I am willing to work on and improve it. 4 months before we broke up, he was discussing with several of his friends the idea of proposing and getting engaged and even went and picked out rings that he liked. (funny what you find out after a breakup) This time I think it was a matter of neither of us were happy but for different reasons. I graduated in May and lost my job in July. I became very angry with the world and with myself and I shut down and shut him out. He became unahppy as a result of this. I can't blame someone for not wanting to stick around when the person they are with is constantly negative and angry. For us, if I had communicated with him how I was feeling and why instead of lashing out and he communicated why he was unhappy and wanted to end it...I think we would have saved our relationship before it ever got to this point. I've had other relationships, but never anything this serious or anything that lasted this long. 6 years is a long time to spend with someone. I never in a million years imagined anything like this for us, especially knowing the level of committment our relationship had attained. We constantly were talking about moving in with one another, kids, our future, etc. So as a result, this is my first real heartbreak. (all the other relationships never lasted long enough to get to this point, or I did the breaking up). I am going to counseling to work on the issues that I had before the breakup and how to cope with them as well as the breakup. Improving myself is the best thing I can do right now...for us or for another relationship in the future with someone new. I'll continue to keep everyone updated and I know that I have a strong support system on here and with my family and friends and that everything will be okay one way or another, I'm just hoping and praying it works out for us.
1life8love1trust Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Seems pretty one side, my friend. And trust my I am rooting for you. I want my ex back too. If he is not willing to compromise than your just setting yourself up for a longer and more painful relationship. There is a book out by Matt Huston. I think its called"Get him back forever" I think its an ebook. I read the male version, "Ex square system" I learned a lot from it, remeber though that this doesn't guarantee that he will come back to you, but it will make things easier. Plus its a great start in bettering yourself by understanding the whys of the break up and how you can get them back. Other than that, live learn and laugh. LOL I know that was lame.
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