early dating dealbreakers

[Ilovehim]

adding 3 more to the flaws lol

 

 

*too needy (texts you every second and gets mad if you're busy and can't reply right away...or texts you and then you don't reply, he sends another text with "????"....i find that so annoying..im NOT ignoring you, im busy..stop with this)

*is too NOT needy (lol..this is when the guy acts cold and distant, acts like it wouldnt matter whether you left him, and has this "im very independent" thing going...it is so annoying and comes off as arrogance..people CARE to be cared for and no girl wants to stay with a cold man)

*hot and cold (obe day they're the perfect man, the next they're acting weird, then the day after they love you again )

[Skump]

Yep, I know, that's why I make sure it's never discovered. I feel like I have the right to protect myself.

 

Eh, I'm sure he'll discover your underlying character defect in the fullness of time anyway, so why bother with the skullduggery?

 

Nevermind the f*cked-up reasoning behind romancing someone who'd revile you if he ever really knew how your mind worked.

[jw90063]

I haven't read through all these pages, but here are some of my early dating dealbreakers.

 

*Too clingy

*Doesn't call when they say they will

*Bad manners

*Extremely Cheap

*Too much baggage from previous relationships(like a recent guy I talked with who said he thought about his ex all the time, and still loved her )

 

*Majorly depressed to the point of possibly suicidal (like this last guy I talked with)

*Doesn't seem to have respect for himself or others

*Rude, not polite

*Gets angry way too easily(to where he appears psycho)

*Smokes, does drugs, heavily drinks, major partier

*Controlling, obsessive, jealous

 

I'm sure there is more, but yeah.

Edited January 12, 2010 by jw90063

[counterman]

Wow! I think I'd move on if I were you...

 

Way ahead of you.. still in that phase of moving on. Funny I didn't see any of these things right after the break-up, probably should have been the one to end it ages ago.

 

Yes! The not to needy one is a good one too..pretending that she wouldn't care if you left her and that she would be absolutely fine.

[Pleco]

Hahahaha. I guess everyone has their thing.

 

In the VERY beginning if a guy didn't try to hold back the farting out of politeness, I'd be kind of annoyed.

 

But after moving in together and beginning a serious relationship, I don't expect him to hold his farts in. Kinda wierd to ask him to, IMO. But then again, we leave all doors open without a second thought, bathe together, and pee in the same room as each other.

 

I even sat on his lap as he did his business just for the hell of it. Not something I do on a regular basis or anything, but whatever...

 

I think I just don't give a sh*t. People stink sometimes, and fart sometimes, and we all poop. So who cares?

 

haha

[counterman]

When she is talking to me on IM and says she has to go to sleep and calls it night, but instead of heading off, she stays on for a while.

[You'reasian]

• Talks way too much about some other guy,
  
• Brings up the topic of one of my friends randomly sometimes (without me even venturing near any such discussion),
  
• Rejects me when I ask her to be my date to a formal event and then asks me to ask her again when she changes her mind (instead of just asking me to be her date),
  
• Oh, and makes me feel guilty for asking her in the first place by telling me that the whole formal event isn't about you and me,
  
• Tells me off when I look at her straight for more than 3 seconds,
  
• Tells me off when I touch her in public (such as holding her hand, hug, etc.)
  
• Pulls away from my kiss and then gets mad when I don't try it again,
  
• Says I am suffocating her when I ask to hang out with her for the first time and gets angry when I don't contact her to suggest something to do,
  
• Waits to apologise to me on the phone or msn when she can do it in person,
  
• Lies about being only attracted to me and when someone comes along she full giggles and blushes,
  
• Cannot spend 10 minutes talking to me on the phone but can spend 5 hours talking on IM,
  
• Strings me along for a while, changes her mind about how she feels about me all of suddent (because she likes another guy), realises that the other guy likes another girl, than changes her mind again about me (stringing me along again), whilst telling me her reason for changing her mind was "insecurities" instead of the true reason,
  
• Calling me up with the intention of keeping herself from not being bored rather than really wanting to talk to me,
  
• Does not listen when I tell her a story and just goes onto what she has to say about something else,
  
• Does not try to make contact in person first after I've made contact for the billionth time,
  
• Letting other guys that like her (even guys with boyfriends) flirt with her and do creepy things and not telling them to respect our relationship and telling me not to do anything and not to get mad (she secretly enjoys the attention),
  
• Stubborn enough to not admit she is wrong or makes a mistake and apologise,
  
• Tries to stifle mistakes from the past and making the same mistakes again and again (because she didn't want to resolve them in the first place),
  
• Does not let me kiss her on the face because it my lips has oil and it'll cause acne and pimples and blackheads,
  
• Shows her affections really strongly when she feels it but when I feel it she says I'm coming on too strong,
  
• Looks around to see if anybody is watching or listening when I talk to her casually in public,
  
• Goes drinking with her mates rather than spend a night out with me (when she has never spent a night out with me before),
  
• Doesn't put thought into buying my birthday present but rather buys what's most convenient for her and when it comes to other guys, can spend up to days looking for the perfect gift for them,
  
• Telling me she knows what she wants when she doesn't,
  
• Says I don't love her anymore when I stop trying to hug her because she has rejected my attempts to hug so many times,
  
• It's okay for her to hug other guys, but when I hug a friend that is a girl (for consoling or something), she gets really mad,
  
• Does not answer calls or text when out with friends (even when she's home already),
  
• Backs up every other person that I might have a grudge against and talks me down,
  
• Thinks she deserves me completely with no effort,
  
• Try to tease her a little and she tells me off, but she can call me names,
  
• Flirts with other guys when we're on a trip together,
  
• Get's mad when I talk to another girl one- on-one,
  
• Does not acknowledge the hurt that she might have caused me and actually tries to blame me for being hurt,
  
• Get's furious when I hurt her and tells me off for doing so even though I apologise and offer no resistance to argue,
  
• Does not tell her friends that we're dating; her friends find out from me..MONTHS later,
  
• Seems reluctant in being my date to any event,
  
• Talks too much about the guy that use to like her and gets jealous when he finds himself a girlfriend,
  
• Enjoys the happiness of other relationships rather than ours,
  
• Cares too much of what others think,
  
• Tells me off for kissing her spontaneously in public,
  
• Talks to me a lot more on IM rather than in person (when she has more than enough opportunities to do so),
  
• Says she likes me but flirts with other guys. Reason being: we're not technically together,
  
• Agrees to see one of the guys that use to like her spontaneously but is not to warm when I want to meet up with her out of the blue,
  
• Says she's not going to give up on the relationship than gives up when things get tougher,
  
• Gets jealous when the guy she is really attracted to kisses another girl when she shouldn't even care anyways,
  
• Says I'm not funny in a serious and reprimanding tone when I try to use a bit of light humour to cheer her up,
  
• Says she misses me over the phone, and next time she sees me? Nothing. Blank face, doesn't even try to talk to me,
  
• Uses me as a scapegoat for her failure to focus on her studies when I was trying to be supportive and asking her to tell me what she wanted me to do in order to remain supportive (it is never her time spent watching tv, with her friends, distracted by the internet, etc.),
  
• Is not receptive of the idea of meeting my friends,
  
• Bitches about other chicks but when I say something bad about a guy, I have problems with my own sex,
  
• Never backs up her words with actions,
  
• Actions are so forced that she is actually suffering trying to put a little effort into being with me,
  
• Takes for granted the time I make for her,
  
• Talks about guys from books that she fantasises about and when I'm sweet, it's not good enough for her,
  
• Whilst she's with me, a friend calls her and asks her where she is and whether she can hang out. She lies and says "oh, I'm helping my mum.." instead of saying she's hanging out with her boyfriend,
  
• Tells me to take a different route to a place we're heading to because there's a slight chance we might bump into a guy that likes her and she doesn't want him to see herself and I together,
  
• Goes to play sport with this guy and when I talk to her later that night, says absolutely nothing about it. And when I ask? Just hesistantly says it was okay (instead of just admitting that she had fun) as though she's hiding something,
  
• Says it's weird when one of her friend hooks up with one of her guy friends that usually flirts with her,
  
• I agree, bad breath would have to be one,
  
• Anything that I'm not attracted to physically,
  
• A complete loud mouth,
  

Okay, some are early deal breakers, and some aren't. Thanks for letting me vent a little! I feel heaps better!

 

I'm sorry for you, man. Is this the current girlfriend you are seeing?

 

This is not healthy. Most of the behaviors you described are not petty quirks - like leaving the toilet seat up - these are quirks that show she does not respect you at all. I would move on and find someone who will love you publicly and respect you as a man (and her boyfriend).

 

Good luck

[You'reasian]

I even sat on his lap as he did his business just for the hell of it. Not something I do on a regular basis or anything, but whatever...

 

I think I just don't give a sh*t. People stink sometimes, and fart sometimes, and we all poop. So who cares?

 

haha

 

You're a funny woman!

 

We do indeed stink at times.

 

The most important thing for me is how I behave towards red flags. Are these just quirks? If so, I let it go. No need to sweat the small stuff. So shes got a little bad breath in the morning - I'm still gonna kiss her - hell, I might even do more if she's up for it.

 

So let's say she's a bad driver. No sweat, we'll take turns driving places. I'm not going to make her feel bad about it. Let her drive during the day; I drive at night or work something out.

 

Its about compromise

 

If she has problems respecting me or if I don't respect her, there needs to be a conversation face to face. No IM-ing, face to face - if possible. If we can't come to some kind of agreement, then its time to consider whether its worth moving on or not.

[counterman]

Good gracious, no. This is not my current girlfriend; we broke up last year. I was suffering but she was too so it was best for both of us. I learnt heaps from the experience and don't regret it at all.

 

I agree, if they are major issues, not quirks, then they must be discussed but if she's not up for discussing them then there's not much that can be done.

[thegreatmoose]

My personal favorite when dating a new guy is asking him to check my e-mail on his computer. Then I slip in a USB and secretly copy his IE or Firefox history file. Afterwards I look at it at home in my own time. Browsing habits tell you a LOT about a person. I am tolerant to porn (except for some really weird and/or illegal stuff). This may seem sketchy, but hey I am 31 and have no time to waste.

some dealbreakers

 

dishonesty

she's unreliable

impossible to reach

irresponsible with money

talks about exes too much

takes calls during dates, unless she excuses herself

poor at communication

invasion of privacy (like the above)

Edited January 17, 2010 by thegreatmoose

[tami-chan]

Dealbreaker: If he trash talks his EX on our first date...

[TO_Girl]

Early Deal Brekers from the guy Im currently dating, thus the reason I want out

 

- Places work before me, and uses BUSY as an excuse for everything.

- Due to the same reason, says he will call and he doesnt, or never texts me back.

Specially when Im trying to be affectionate and flirty ...

- But he does fget insecure when I dont respond to a text and calls to make sure I'm not mad.

- Lack of communication, not enough going on so that we cant keep up with each other and get to know each other better.

- Doesnt show any emotion at all.. whatsover.. at times he is so serious he intimidates me and doesnt make me feel confortable.

- Lack of common sense courtesy at times.. when I stay at his place at his request, doesnt even offer breakfast the next morning specially when he knows Im headed for a long work/school day and I mentioned Im having health issues due to poor diet yet he waits for me to leave to prepare himself a hearty breakfast...

-Asks to date me in between plans.. so I literally have 2 hours only before he moves on to his next plan.

- Sensing he is carrying baggage as he wants to go slow and is afraid I will ask him to marry him in 1.5 years like his ex did.. IM NOT YOUR EX.

- Makes plans and doesnt follow through..

-Jokingly said if I stop being so good in bed he will stop seeing me... hurts.

- Said he bought me a Christmas present , Im still to see a hint of such present..

- Too self centered and concerned with his own life...doing way to many things on the side and taking more than he can handle thus he has no time for me..is good to have goals and be busy, have a life full of things to look forward and a total different thing to not be able to sit back and enjoy the little things of life and shut me down as a result.. if you dont have time for a romantic partner dont expect people to play aroumd your schedule.. coz Im not benefiting from it whatsoever.

 

Sorry guys I just needed to vent here...feels good to let it out and to share this

I need that little push to leave him . I feel I deserve better

Edited January 20, 2010 by TO_Girl

[bananaboat11]

Definite deal breakers for me;

 

1. Ex comes up in any way, shape, or form (we're in this position to meet NEW people and see if we are compatible... don't size me up and compare/contrast me to your ex/es)

 

2. Is ready to hook up / have sex on the FIRST date..

 

3. Talks, but lacks the ability to communicate

 

4. Any excessive narcissistic qualities (some is slightly attractive to me)

 

5. Dishonest / Untrustworthy

 

6. Gives attention / stares at other men while on a date w/ me (why am I taking time out of my life to get to know you? Shouldn't you do the same for me?...)

 

7. Low Self - Esteem / Low confidence (You can tell...)

 

8. Does not groom / poor Hygiene (see ya) / Does not try to stay healthy (can be defined in MANY ways... not JUST physical appearance)

 

9. Doesn't smile

 

10. Co-dependent

 

11. Poor w/ Time Management

 

12. Outstanding misuse/mismanagement of money

 

13. Lacks an education (does not have to be graduate level, but a bachelor's degree would be nice...)

 

14. gold diggers... forget it.

 

15. Someone who could care less about me / personality / life and more about my body... (yes, it has happened )

 

16. To be continued...

[ella23]

Hmm I remember dating a guy who talked a lot about his ex on the first date. That was weird.

[Orchid8]

1. Flakiness/Indecisiveness

2. Too touchy feely on the first few dates

3. Sends sexual inuendos via text message even when we haven't reached that point yet.

4. Cheesy

5. Poor hygiene

6. Bad kisser

7. Obnoxious (actually, this is my #1 deal breaker)

8. Consistently lagging on responses to my calls/txts

9. Inconsiderate

10. Cheap

11. Too complimentary. It's nice but excessive compliments are really a turn off.

Edited January 20, 2010 by Orchid8

[bananaboat11]

1. Flakiness/Indecisiveness

2. Too touchy feely on the first few dates

3. Sends sexual inuendos via text message even when we haven't reached that point yet.

4. Cheesy

5. Poor hygiene

6. Bad kisser

7. Obnoxious (actually, this is my #1 deal breaker)

8. Consistently lagging on responses to my calls/txts

9. Inconsiderate

10. Cheap

11. Too complimentary. It's nice but excessive compliments are really a turn off.

 

How about pretentious?

[donnamaybe]

I met a guy who was a friend of some VERY good life long friends of mine. He had tickets to see Paul McCartney in Vegas and wanted to take me. Since my friends gave him the thumbs up, after a couple more times out with him I decided to go. We stayed with friends of his out there - VERY nice people in a beautiful house.

 

Now, I'm not the kinda gal one has to impress with fancy meals in expensive restaurants. BUT - if a guy takes it upon himself to book reservations at the MGM Grand (and tells me dinner is going to be fabulous and to not eat all day) and THEN we get there and dinner is $100 a plate minimum, he'd BEST whip out his credit card! The guy made over $100,000 a year, by the way. But no. We wound up sharing a $60 seafood appetizer which was maybe 2 oz. of seafood each. I was STARVING by the time that concert was over afterward!

 

The next day his friends were kind enough to loan him their gorgeous limited edition pickup truck so we could drive to the Grand Canyon. On the way home he was eating Doritos, and there were crumbs getting EVERYWHERE. I was the one, upon returning, who had to badger him over and over to find the cleaning supplies so we could clean up the friend's truck. I didn't feel comfortable poking around their house; he'd been there many times before and was much more familiar with it, besides them being his friends. I'm certain if I hadn't continued to bug him, the truck would have been left a pigsty.

 

Never dated him again.

[Orchid8]

How about pretentious?

 

Mmhmm.. Pretentious, ostentatious, arrogant- all of those can be super annoying but not necessarily deal breakers early on.

[bananaboat11]

Mmhmm.. Pretentious, ostentatious, arrogant- all of those can be super annoying but not necessarily deal breakers early on.

 

 

Oh... Oops.

 

guess I'm out.

[Orchid8]

Oh... Oops.

 

guess I'm out.

 

 

I think you missed the last part of what I said.

[bananaboat11]

Pick you up at eight?

 

 

 

 

 

I think you missed the last part of what I said.

[EM47]

My personal favorite when dating a new guy is asking him to check my e-mail on his computer. Then I slip in a USB and secretly copy his IE or Firefox history file. Afterwards I look at it at home in my own time. Browsing habits tell you a LOT about a person. I am tolerant to porn (except for some really weird and/or illegal stuff). This may seem sketchy, but hey I am 31 and have no time to waste.

 

 

lmao, you are messed up.

[Sadbutrelieved]

I'm almost embarrassed to write these, as they happened in my most recent relationship and I hung on for 8 years. All happened in the first month:

 

1. Lied to me - said he had to go to Phoenix from Milwaukee to help his uncle with a funeral, and was going by Greyhound bus, but was back in 36 hours. I think he was spending one last weekend with whoever he was seeing before me.

 

2. Bragged about stealing cigarettes from a bar.

 

3. Trash talked his ex and said really horrible things about her.

 

4. Got super drunk, stripped down to boxers and climbed the jail cage they keep in the corner of the dance club we were in like a monkey.

 

5. Told me not to expect to see him on Christmas because he has bad childhood memories and likes to spend that day with a bottle of whiskey punching walls.

 

6. Checked his yahoo personals from my computer. Told me it was just to delete it, but months later it was still there.

 

All of those things happened in the first month and I still hung in there like an idiot thinking he would change.

[Sadbutrelieved]

I know I have learned my lesson. Even if I have to be alone the rest of my life, I don't care.

[wheream_i]

Early deal breakers:

~ She's a smoker. I'm sorry to the ladies that do smoke but I dated a woman who at that time I thought was sexy the way she smoked a cigarette. Until I heard the hacking sounds she made every morning.

~Acts completely different to me when she is around her friends. (I have to agree with this one).

~Thinks she has more rights than a man because she is a female. I am a complete gentleman because I want to. Not because I have to.

~She is rude to waitstaff, cashiers, door greeters, etc. or treats them inferior. There's nothing wrong with being nice.

~Doesn't practice physical or dental hygiene.

~Eats nothing but junk.

~Can't handle her alcohol. I hate taking care of a lush that ruins a good time because she's an angry or emotional drunk.

~Any woman who will ever discount me being a musician as just a hobby or don't realize that it is very important to me and will always #1 in my life.

~A public farter. Just because I'm guy doesn't mean I find it funny. I actually find it slightly repulsive.

~Watches soap operas and believes them. Just like most women (MissJones ) that hate men who watch porn because they think that's how sex should really be.

~Calls me her b/f before I agree to it. Because I usually don't.