early dating dealbreakers

[Star Gazer]

I've checked browsing history to see if he's been visiting engagement ring sites... just sayin'.

 

As for bringing this back on topic, and to address Shadow's most recent clarification (the less obvious signs)... It's really the little things. These are things I experienced in the past, that I should have paid more attention to.

 

For example, when they have mood swings towards you, without explanation. They're not quite hot and cold, but warm and cool...and while if other people did this it wouldn't bother you, it causes you anxiety. That's your intuition kicking in.

 

When you're walking through a parking lot, or the mall, or a movie theater (i.e., where there's plenty of room), he always walks a step or two in front of you, causing you to follow.

 

If you spend a lot of time together (like almost every night), and when you show up around dinner time to spend the evening together, he's busy making dinner - for himself.

[CaliGuy]

Agreed on talking about our own flaws. That shouldn't be brought up by you or your date if you want things to work out.

 

As for red flags, yes they are always there but in the initial stages of attraction, they are almost always ignored because of hormones. Eventually you'll get to the point where the red flags outweigh the attraction factor.

 

If that wasn't the case, breakups would be rare. So while we can say "Watch out for red flags" and we know we all see them, it's a rare case indeed if someone was to heed them. I have, recently, and it's probably a good thing.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Thanks Shadow. I am not going to respond to any off topic from now so that should kill that discussion.

 

As for early dating deal breakers, some people have said it already but a big one for me is if a preson is talking badly about their friends (yet is nice to them in person) and a general tendency to make fun of people behind their backs for entartaiment purposes.

 

In every single case of such behaviour (even in platonic friendships), the person has turned out to be a major *********.

Edited January 11, 2010 by SadandConfusedWA

[thats what i said]

early dealbreakers:

 

• Starts planning trips to Europe with you after the first date
  
• You ask any simple question "so do you own your company?" and they take 15 minutes to get to the point... "oh, that's a good story! let me tell you how it all started..." and at the end you still don't know if they own their own company or work for someone.
  
• You've been talking on the phone for weeks and he keeps cancelling because he's sick... with a cold... for the last 2 weeks. Why was he making plans in the first place?
  
• His feels threatened when you beat him at a game of pool
  

[Leia]

You've been dating someone for a month and...

 

1) she doesn't mention that she has a dick

 

:lmao:

 

I accidentally looked at an ex's browsing history once ... I think I should call him and apologise.

 

I dated a guy that was really nice and decent, about a month after, I started to realise he was always blaming me for his bad days or finding faults with me.

[grogster]

Repeated rudeness to servers and shop keepers;

 

Chronic insomnia;

 

Extreme mood swings;

 

Talks with her mouth full;

 

Announces she's Born Again;

 

Absolutely no sense of humor or irony: snark-challenged

 

No interest in popular culture: music, movies, TV shows: High Brow in the extreme;

 

Extreme body odor

[SadandConfusedWA]

 

 

Absolutely no sense of humor or irony: snark-challenged

 

 

This is a big one for me. If I say anything sarcastic they get offended

 

Also, just feeling high levels of anxiety and uneasiness and wondering if a guy likes you. While it is normal to wonder sometimes (especially if you are insecure ), if you do it more than 50% of the time - your intuition is kicking in.

 

Repeated excuses about him being sick, his mobile didn't have reception etc. While those sound plausible, what are the chances that both actually happened within the first few weeks of dating?

 

Being inconsistent in things he tells you about himself.

[threebyfate]

• Overly-sensitive
  
• Overly-emotional
  
• Inconsistent
  
• Whiner
  

[shadowplay]

I've checked browsing history to see if he's been visiting engagement ring sites... just sayin'.

 

As for bringing this back on topic, and to address Shadow's most recent clarification (the less obvious signs)... It's really the little things. These are things I experienced in the past, that I should have paid more attention to.

 

For example, when they have mood swings towards you, without explanation. They're not quite hot and cold, but warm and cool...and while if other people did this it wouldn't bother you, it causes you anxiety. That's your intuition kicking in.

 

When you're walking through a parking lot, or the mall, or a movie theater (i.e., where there's plenty of room), he always walks a step or two in front of you, causing you to follow.

 

If you spend a lot of time together (like almost every night), and when you show up around dinner time to spend the evening together, he's busy making dinner - for himself.

 

I agree completely that it's the little things where a person really reveals his/her nature early on. It's because they don't think they have to be on guard with these little behaviors; they perform them almost subconsciously.

 

These are good examples, and I've experienced all of them from different guys at one point or another. I also hate it when guys walk ahead of me.

[shadowplay]

This is similar to what TBF mentioned about people who are overly sensitive.

 

It's a dealbreaker for me if a guy is hyper attuned in a negative way to all of my minute gestures in his presence. Like I give him a look that doesn't mean anything and he says, "What does that mean?" Or I gently remove his hand from my body in bed because I can't sleep with somebody touching me, and he gets offended. All this suggests a guy who is insecure, clingy and controlling, possibly even abusive.

[enchanted771]

-Guy cancels at the last minute with a lame excuse

[threebyfate]

• Unbalanced generalizations in a negative fashion, including bigotry, racism and misogyny.
  
• The inability to give respect.
  
• Lack of self-actualization or self-awareness.
  
• Too much navel-gazing without positive results.
  
• Bitterness.
  
• Unreasonable tendency towards spitefulness or pettiness.
  

[meerkat stew]

Guys, I just want to clarify that the discussion is about less obvious early dating deal-breakers which many people may ignore even if they shouldn't.

 

This is interesting because there is a fine balance between being reasonably cautious and observant in the early going, and doing too much red-flag looking. At some point, focusing on little things detracts from the fun that initial dating is supposed to be.

[shadowplay]

This is interesting because there is a fine balance between being reasonably cautious and observant in the early going, and doing too much red-flag looking. At some point, focusing on little things detracts from the fun that initial dating is supposed to be.

 

I don't think you have to go looking for these signs. You'll know if you encounter one. You'll get an uncomfortable feeling in your gut that something is off.

[Crazy Magnet]

When you hear.....

 

 

"I was molested as a child but I didn't know it was wrong, so I spent the next several years doing sexual things to my female cousins......"

 

 

on the FIRST date. It's called RUN for the door! Oh boy, that was doozie. Sorry you guys weren't there!

[Trusting_again]

1. When their phone rings continuously, and they keep sending the calls to voice mail (and wont mention who keeps calling).

 

2. When you realize they always exaggerate the truth.

 

3. After a few dates they start force-farting in front of you on a regular basis.

[MyNameIsJonas]

- Sudden unexplained changes in communication (talking nearly every day then days/weeks go by without hearing from her) without a valid apology and reason (note I did not say excuse).

 

-An unreturned phone call w/ vm without a valid apology and reason. I personally could care less about texts or emails.

 

- Any incidents/arrests that involve drugs or alcohol (possession, DUI, DIP, etc). I drink but I am a avid believer in "responsible drinking."

 

- Any negative comments about friends/work/financial/car/living/other life situations that existed prior to the relationship, unless I bring it up first.

 

- Any negative comments about family AT ALL, unless I say something first.

 

- Any suggestions/hints/demands for any high dollar purchases (single items costing hundreds of dollars or more) and insinuating that the relationship is dependant on said purchase.

[hopesndreams]

I had a dating deal breaker recently. The guy would not stop talking about his teenage daughter. She even called a few times, while on our date, and he would be yacking on the phone with her giving her the play by play.

[You'reasian]

- Sudden unexplained changes in communication (talking nearly every day then days/weeks go by without hearing from her) without a valid apology and reason (note I did not say excuse).

 

-An unreturned phone call w/ vm without a valid apology and reason. I personally could care less about texts or emails.

 

- Any incidents/arrests that involve drugs or alcohol (possession, DUI, DIP, etc). I drink but I am a avid believer in "responsible drinking."

 

- Any negative comments about friends/work/financial/car/living/other life situations that existed prior to the relationship, unless I bring it up first.

 

- Any negative comments about family AT ALL, unless I say something first.

 

- Any suggestions/hints/demands for any high dollar purchases (single items costing hundreds of dollars or more) and insinuating that the relationship is dependant on said purchase.

 

This matches up with the pet peeves I dislike as well.

[You'reasian]

.

 

A few red flags would be:

 

• If she flirts with my friend even though she told me she likes me,
  
• Acts completely different to me when she is around her friends and I'm there,
  
• Has her doubts about me but says she doesn't,
  
• Finds it hard to talk to me in public and pretends that she doesn't know me,
  
• Keeps information from me as though she's hiding something
  
• When I want to talk about my concerns, she tells says "could you pretty hurry up?"
  

 

These too, especially coming across like she's always hiding something and pretends like she doesn't know me when with friends. I've got a lot of love and would prefer to give it to someone who deserves it.

Edited January 11, 2010 by You'reasian

[threebyfate]

Little Napoleon Syndrome aka Man-chips.

Conspiracy theorists.

Reverse social elitism, where bad is good.

[carhill]

wedding ring residues

excessive cleavage canyon

f*ck me pumps

[Ophelia Rue]

wedding ring residues

excessive cleavage canyon

f*ck me pumps

 

 

OK, hold it right there. I understand the first and second, but you are really objecting to FMPs?! The girl is just trying to look good, criminy! :-P Now if she's wearing a disgusting stripper hooker getup, I would understand. But if she's wearing a cute top, some jeans and some sexy heels you are REALLY going to object to that?

[carhill]

Well, we do have our Napoleon man-chips to consider

[SadandConfusedWA]

• overly pragmatic
  
• robotic with an inability to feel or show deep emotion or any emotion
  
• posts threads talking s%it about their former close friend on internet forums
  
• insensitive to people less fortunate than themselves
  
• narcissistic tendencies
  
• thinking that they are self-aware but demonstrate complete lack of self-awareness
  
• avoids conflict but is passive aggressive
  
• hypocrisy