shadowplay Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 In my personal experience, people reveal their flaws very early on, if you're paying close attention. Often it takes just few weeks or even dates to tell compatibility. When I think about my past relationships, the red flags were always there from the start. I just chose to ignore them. There were never any major surprises or personality changes. The problems that were already present just grew in strength. Fewer relationships would fail if people were much more ruthlessly selective early on. If somebody does one inconsiderate thing at the beginning and they don't have a good excuse, that should be enough to press DUMP. What are some behaviors that should be deal-breakers for most people at the beginning? Try to think of less obvious ones that people might choose to ignore but probably shouldn't. I'll start You've been dating someone for a month and... 1) You've been communicating daily. Two or three days pass and you don't hear from them. When they're back in touch they never give a convincing excuse as to what the hell happened. 2) You have a friday night date for 7. You wait at your house for them to arrive. By 7:30 they haven't arrived or called. You try calling them but their phone is off. At 7:50 they finally get to your place, and they greet you with an apology about their tardiness. When you ask them what happened they say that they got distracted by a conversation with a friend and lost track of time. 3) They flirt with another member of the opposite sex in your presence. 4) You mention a legitimate need that may conflict with whatever they want -- you need some "me time", don't want sex yet, etc. -- and they either ignore it, take it personally, or try to convince you to change your mind. Anything other than almost immediate understanding should be a red flag. 5) They wait until now to mention something important about themselves that you should have known from the start: they're moving soon, they have a terminal disease, they're bisexual, whatever. 6) You stumble upon their porn stash and it's mostly really bizarre stuff (chicks with dicks, anime, bdsm, whatever). Sounds silly, but ime this says a lot about a person. People are too forgiving, because it's hard to end something that you're hopeful/excited about. It's also hard to trust that an isolated incident or two at the beginning is really who they are and will crop up again. It always will! Add your own...
Star Gazer Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 They demonstrate anger and/or rudeness (towards waitstaff, while driving, etc.)They demonstrate a lack of self-love (they don't take care of themselves)They're cheapThey talk sh*t about their friends
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 They say they will call you at time X on day Y and they don't (but do call later with no excuse or lame one)They don't respond promptly to your contactThey seem intemittently distant and distracted and they are not really listening when you talkWhen you try to talk about anything negative going on in your life, they cut you off with "babe, don't be a drag" or similarThey get a lot of calls from females while out with you and they claim they are all just friendsYou feel the need to post a number on threads on LS asking if they are into you or not My personal favorite when dating a new guy is asking him to check my e-mail on his computer. Then I slip in a USB and secretly copy his IE or Firefox history file. Afterwards I look at it at home in my own time. Browsing habits tell you a LOT about a person. I am tolerant to porn (except for some really weird and/or illegal stuff). This may seem sketchy, but hey I am 31 and have no time to waste.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Isn't the USB thing just a bit paranoid? Perhaps. But I had an experience where I fell in love with a guy who I later discovered had a bunch of child porn on his computer - and he seemed like such a nice and decent person. I went through lot of hurt trying to break that off. I am now scared that every guy will secretly be into stuff like that and I would rather know when not to get involved.
Woggle Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I just know that if a woman ever did that to me I would run.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I just know that if a woman ever did that to me I would run. Yep, I know, that's why I make sure it's never discovered. I feel like I have the right to protect myself.
JoeShmoe17 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 You feel the need to post a number on threads on LS asking if they are into you or not Haha, that's a good one. So true.
ella23 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Perhaps. But I had an experience where I fell in love with a guy who I later discovered had a bunch of child porn on his computer - and he seemed like such a nice and decent person. I went through lot of hurt trying to break that off. I am now scared that every guy will secretly be into stuff like that and I would rather know when not to get involved. Ugh child porn. That must have been horrible. ----- Arrogance is a huge turn off. I once dated a guy who went on and on about how much he'd achieved very early in life.
Woggle Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 If she is a feminist If she has a history of walking away from good relationships
monkey00 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Here's a pet peeve of mine: Showing up late for every date (even if it's a few mins) and not informing me. Yes old habits die hard, but show a little respect and send a text!
tami-chan Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 early dating dealbreakers Waffling about how he feels about me. I like a guy who is sure of himself...when he starts talking about not being sure about what he wants and how feels about me....I am out...I am not going to sit and wait until he figures these things out.
Yukikazi Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Isn't the USB thing just a bit paranoid? Try illegal
meerkat stew Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Vote "nay" on the USB snooping. False intimacy too soon is my biggie. There are so many troubled folks out there looking for a quick fix relationship, not healthy. Letting things unfold is so much better and more fun. Too much talk about exes is another. If there is still a need to get into this with new people, one isn't ready to date. Some ex talk down the road in very measured doses is ok. We all have baggage. Drama, conflict seeking, some folks don't feel alive unless they have some conflict going on. Day to day life gives us enough drama as it is.
Hot Carl Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 My personal favorite when dating a new guy is asking him to check my e-mail on his computer. Then I slip in a USB and secretly copy his IE or Firefox history file. Afterwards I look at it at home in my own time. Browsing habits tell you a LOT about a person. I am tolerant to porn (except for some really weird and/or illegal stuff). This may seem sketchy, but hey I am 31 and have no time to waste. Sketchy? I don't think it's "sketchy". Repulsive is a better term. If I caught you doing that, you'd be out on your ass. Any guy who you would consider worthy of you would send you packing, you sneak.
lord alfred douglas Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Sketchy? I don't think it's "sketchy". Repulsive is a better term. If I caught you doing that, you'd be out on your ass. Any guy who you would consider worthy of you would send you packing, you sneak. Id have to whack her for reasons I cant go into here
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Sketchy? I don't think it's "sketchy". Repulsive is a better term. If I caught you doing that, you'd be out on your ass. Any guy who you would consider worthy of you would send you packing, you sneak. Hot Carl, I have no desire to date you so we are good
Woggle Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I don't think too many people regardless of gender will agree with copying a person's computer.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Id have to whack her for reasons I cant go into here Nor you...
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I don't think too many people regardless of gender will agree with copying a person's computer. Most people do things that are not right on everyday basis. Utlimately, I have to decide what feels right to me...
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 It's especially effective when having an innocent, girly look (or "I barely know what a computer is" expression) and saying "Hey sexy can I just check my e-mail for a sec" while twirling your hair.
Woggle Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 You do what you feel is right but this will drive away sane man. Nobody likes to feel like they are under interogation when they are dating.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 You do what you feel is right but this will drive away sane man. Nobody likes to feel like they are under interogation when they are dating. Noone ever found out so it was a non-issue.
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