counterman Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I'm studying at university and I've approached a few girls who I was attracted to only to realise they were older than me by a couple of years or so. I'm turning nineteen and haven't dated anyone over a year older than me, not because I didn't want to, it's just the girls I've always been around are around my ages. Does it matter for a girl who's in her 20s to date someone a few years younger than her? Does those extra years in experience make a big difference? Any advice on what I could do to get a date with one of these girls? The times I've spoken to them, we really click but I think they might automatically friendzone me because I'm a few years younger than them.
temple Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Well everyone is an individual - I would imagine it depends how mature you are. Yes, age might just be a drawback and you might be under some initial scrutiny, but if you meet another like-minded individual and you are both interested in roughly the same goals, then I don't see how age would be much of an obstacle.
Author counterman Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks for your reply. I thought that if I was mature than maybe a relationship might work. But, there was this one girl who was a couple of years older than me and she was my tutor for this optional class! I bumped into her a few times and considered talking to her (as I was interested) but, in the back of my mind, I remembered she was vastly more educated than I am in an area of study (hence, that's why she's the tutor). So, I made no attempt! Do you think I should give it a try next time? Girls, would you give a guy who is a few years younger than you a chance even if he's less experienced?
MissJoness Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 a couple years is not that big of a deal. youre born in the same generation and should have very similar interests. its not a huge generational gap. I don't even know why youre stressing over this
shadowplay Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I'm 26 and my current boyfriend is 4.5 years younger. I dated another guy who was 19 when I was 23. 4 or 5 years is where I probably draw the line. I don't really care about dating a guy a few years younger as long as he's mature for his age. Plus, younger men have certain perks like higher energy and less cynicism. Older men have more baggage.
temple Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks for your reply. I thought that if I was mature than maybe a relationship might work. But, there was this one girl who was a couple of years older than me and she was my tutor for this optional class! I bumped into her a few times and considered talking to her (as I was interested) but, in the back of my mind, I remembered she was vastly more educated than I am in an area of study (hence, that's why she's the tutor). So, I made no attempt! Do you think I should give it a try next time? Girls, would you give a guy who is a few years younger than you a chance even if he's less experienced? I can speak from experience - I taught a guy two years younger than I. He asked me out but I refused. Regardless of his age, the fact I taught him made me think it would be a terrible idea to get involved in anything more. Student/teacher relationships are risky and I wouldn't go there.
In_Repair Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 It depends on where she is in life, mentally speaking. At your age, a guy who is a couple of years younger can be a real turnoff for women. Neither of my two younger sisters(21 and 23) or any of my female friends in their early 20s would ever seriously date a guy who was 19 unless he was remarkably mature for his age. That's one of the reasons my girlfriend was initially attracted to me... I was "different" than all of the guys her age, more mature and honest about myself. If your girl is still in the partying stages of life then your age may mean nothing really, but if she is trying to "grow up" and move past that stage, then your age might initially be a turnoff. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't try though. Move past that whole idea that she, or any other woman, is out of your league. Different women are attracted to different characteristics at any given time - so you'll never know if you really have a shot with her until you try. What's the worst that can happen? She says NO?... big deal. Shrug your shoulders and move on. The next one might say yes...
Author counterman Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 MissJones, I guess I'm stressed because I've never asked an older girl out before. Well, I wouldn't say stressed, just a lil concerned because all the girls that I seem to be attracted to these days are girls that are a couple of years older or more! And, I generally assume that they are more experienced in terms of relationships, so wouldn't really know what that would think when considering dating an inexperienced guy. What you said makes a lot of sense though, we are in basically the same generation and we'll share heaps of interests, so it shouldn't be a big deal. I was just wondering whether it would be a big deal for the girls, but, in saying that, individuals are different; what might work for one, might not work for another. Shadowplay, I think that's wonderful that you're dating a guy who is younger than you. And thanks for sharing that with me because now I might pluck up the courage to ask one of these girls out! I am full of energy and ready to go! Though, may I ask you something? How did it start? How did those guys ask you out? Was it your age difference ever discussed? I just didn't really know how to approach it that's all. When I saw them and found out their age, my first was "wow, she looks 18!" temple, I don't think student-teacher relationships are a good idea as well but as this was an optional class (and I only took it once or twice to see if it benefitted even though I didn't really need it), I thought maybe it would be alright. I would just like it if we were on the same level though, she would be on the verge of finding a job in her field whilst I'm still studying. In_Repair, I think I'll give it a shot when the next one comes around. I'll just approach her like any other girl and worst that can happen is a no, like you said. I was afraid that it would turn off some girls because they think that I would probably be really immature. And, I did consider them out of my league for sure. I'll change my mindset and just give it a go when I'm confident enough.
harmfulsweetz Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I'm currently interested in a younger guy, and if I was honest, I've probably had a thing for guys a couple years younger than I for a little while. It's not age that counts, it's maturity levels. If she's a mature 23 year old say, it may not work unless you're very mature for your age. However she could be immature for her age, and you could work brilliantly. It's not that big of a difference really-there may be some girls who won't go for it-but that's probably more based on the preconceived ideas of younger guy/older girl which is wrong. Up to the individual. Go for it I say, but not for the tutor, because well, she'll probably say no due to boundaries and authority etc.
Author counterman Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 I guess was I was a bit naive thinking that a girl wouldn't be interested in a younger guy so thanks for sharing that! I think I am mature for my age, too mature sometimes when I shake my head to some of the things my friends say and do and just smile. They says it's a really big "score" if I land an older girl.. which I never bothered about that competitive crap. But anyways, the girl could be less mature so that might also work. Looks like I have to give it a shot and see how it goes then! Though from some of my friends that are girls says they like dating older guys because they're more experienced and mature, so it is up to the individual. Whereas, for my guy friends, none of them have dated older girls. Oh, and I probably won't venture into that territory with the tutor. Even though I thought she was really cute
Knittress Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 What's most important to me is relationship experience - which can be roughly correlated with age. I feel like I've made a lot of headway entering into my mid-20s when it comes to communication and well... everything! I'm rather unwilling to take a chance on someone I suspect hasn't worked this stuff out for themselves yet, no matter their maturity/coolness. Not that it's any guarantee of having outgrown BS, but I'm much more interested in the 30s men nowadays. If I could TELL that a guy was younger (or maybe even my age) just from our interaction, I wouldn't be interested. Sorry, dude! :>)
Author counterman Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 It's all good Knittress! I appreciate your perspective. That was part of what was holding me back initially. I mean I am ever growing from my experiences and, whilst I think I know what I want, there's always a bit of hesitation. As for communication, that's a work-in-progress as well when it comes to women and I hope I'm improving always. From the girls I've met, I would have never guessed that they were older than me. Other people have said that they thought I was older from the way I speak. Even though I click well with some of these girls, I don't get the feeling they are interested in me and I think age is a factor. Anywho, the next girl I'm really into, no matter what age, I'm gonna make a move!
harmfulsweetz Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I guess was I was a bit naive thinking that a girl wouldn't be interested in a younger guy so thanks for sharing that! I think I am mature for my age, too mature sometimes when I shake my head to some of the things my friends say and do and just smile. They says it's a really big "score" if I land an older girl.. which I never bothered about that competitive crap. But anyways, the girl could be less mature so that might also work. Looks like I have to give it a shot and see how it goes then! Though from some of my friends that are girls says they like dating older guys because they're more experienced and mature, so it is up to the individual. Whereas, for my guy friends, none of them have dated older girls. Oh, and I probably won't venture into that territory with the tutor. Even though I thought she was really cute Yeah just go for it. You don't know until you try, I always hid the fact that I like guys couple of years younger than me,but now I don't. Actually, I'm not age discriminative! lol. You never know what's an issue for one chick may not be for another, either way, they'll appreciate the confidence.
Author counterman Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks for the support, harmfulsweetz! It's very good to know that there are girls who don't mind. I read your thread and it's awesome how you can approach a younger guy without feeilng weird about it. Thing is I've only ever been approached by girls a year or so younger than me and did not think they were at my maturity level yet. But, I don't think older girls will approach me so yes, I guess I'll have to try to see how it goes. Oh, and what is it about younger guys that you like? I'm just curious! 'cause I didn't think it made a big difference. Also, I haven't been in a date for so long and semester is starting in over a month, any tips on just meeting someone new and asking her out a date? Say I meet her in a lecture theatre or tutorial (not the lecturer or tutor of course:p)!
harmfulsweetz Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks for the support, harmfulsweetz! It's very good to know that there are girls who don't mind. I read your thread and it's awesome how you can approach a younger guy without feeilng weird about it. Thing is I've only ever been approached by girls a year or so younger than me and did not think they were at my maturity level yet. But, I don't think older girls will approach me so yes, I guess I'll have to try to see how it goes. Oh, and what is it about younger guys that you like? I'm just curious! 'cause I didn't think it made a big difference. Also, I haven't been in a date for so long and semester is starting in over a month, any tips on just meeting someone new and asking her out a date? Say I meet her in a lecture theatre or tutorial (not the lecturer or tutor of course:p)! I'm no good with the approach, but I'll tell you how I would like to be approached. If it's in the lecture theatre just walk up, say hi, sit beside her, ask her how an assignment is getting on, or something generic. Then follow on from there...it's easier said than done though. I would wait and see how she reacts to you from this, then if you feel you are clicking, ask her to go for lunch or something. I don't know, I don't consciously look for younger guys, I just have found myself attracted to a couple. It doesn't make a difference really, it just depends on the individual. The guy I like now-I've no idea why I like him, I just do. He's cute, and very amusing to listen to. I think I'm an immature 22 year old,so I think that could be partly it. Guys my age and slightly older are all very mature, (the ones I've met) and after serious things, I'm not. So yeah.
Author counterman Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 It is easier said than done! There was this one girl who was a friend of a friend of mine and I tried talking to her and she just basically gave me one-worded answers and kept looking around as though I was scum. Funny thing is I was just talking to her because she's my friend's friend! NOT because I was interested. (She probably thought that every guy that approaches her is interested in her). There was this other one, who was her friend, who was the most boring girl in the world! Very, very low energy but thing is, she thought she was all that. So yes, I've had some indifferent experiences. But I quite like the approach you said. It's really casual and just very natural; don't want to seem like I'm trying too hard (or trying at all). I had something simple like lunch in mind and if that goes well, it'll be awesome! I'm really excited about dating this year! Hope it goes well! I think the few girls that I've bumped too just turned out to be older than me without me knowing prior. I was put off at first but then I thought, why not? That'll increase by dating pool and if I'm interested in them and they reciporate than it'll be fine! Some guys I know are very immature too at mid 20s like my brother but others are TOO mature that they suck the fun out of some situations. So yeah, I think it's wonderful that you'll date a younger dude. How about if I bump into a girl I find attractive on campus? How would I approach that? What if she's in a group? It just seems really random!
harmfulsweetz Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I'm not sure, perhaps you could try asking for directions to somewhere? Then try to have a laugh or make a joke about it...but that's slightly trickier than if they are already in your class.
Author counterman Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks for the reply! I'll just take it as it comes and see what happens! I don't know sometimes I get the inclination to say "hey beautiful" but I understand that some girls (if not all) won't warm to that. So yeah, I'll see what works and what doesn't!
harmfulsweetz Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Thanks for the reply! I'll just take it as it comes and see what happens! I don't know sometimes I get the inclination to say "hey beautiful" but I understand that some girls (if not all) won't warm to that. So yeah, I'll see what works and what doesn't! Really don't try that! She'll see you as a player, or being snarky or something. I would anyway. Just be natural, and be yourself, don't try and put on a persona to impress, even if they are slightly older, they won't be so impressed with that. Sure, confidence works a treat, especially from a younger guy, but so does being natural, and making it easy to talk to.
likestolaugh Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 I'm 24 and my gf is 26. It's working out just fine
Author counterman Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Yep, I'll just imagine her as one of my friends that's a girl and talk to her normally, if she isn't interested than I'll move on. Close one, I was gonna try the "hey beautiful" one but you're right, that's just a bit too much and she'll definitely think I do this to every girl. Sometimes, I get trapped into the questionaire sorta talk i.e. just asking her about what she does for work, what course she is studying, how she's finding her course and it seems really forced, like I want to talk about generic things that I like such music, movies, sports, news, a story that happened to me, etc. but yes, I get a bit discouraged when they aren't really receptive to, say, a story I find humourous. But, I heard it isn't really what I was that matters, just as long as we're talking and the body language is positive. Maybe I shoudl just keep practising? I swear the fear of rejection is hard thing to get over! But I've always been really confident. likestolaugh, that is terrific! Care to share how it all started?
likestolaugh Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Yep, I'll just imagine her as one of my friends that's a girl and talk to her normally, if she isn't interested than I'll move on. Close one, I was gonna try the "hey beautiful" one but you're right, that's just a bit too much and she'll definitely think I do this to every girl. Sometimes, I get trapped into the questionaire sorta talk i.e. just asking her about what she does for work, what course she is studying, how she's finding her course and it seems really forced, like I want to talk about generic things that I like such music, movies, sports, news, a story that happened to me, etc. but yes, I get a bit discouraged when they aren't really receptive to, say, a story I find humourous. But, I heard it isn't really what I was that matters, just as long as we're talking and the body language is positive. Maybe I shoudl just keep practising? I swear the fear of rejection is hard thing to get over! But I've always been really confident. likestolaugh, that is terrific! Care to share how it all started? Well it's a very long story (and I've posted a few threads about it), but to sum it up: I was a TA in a class that she was in. We ended up as facebook friends after the class ended... a year later we started dating. It's been a bit over a year now. oh, and when I first noticed her I had no idea she was older than me (she doesn't look it)... it's really never never been an issue, and I can probably count on one or two hands the number times it's ever even been referenced in our time together.
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