Perhaps Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Hey all, I'm having a lot of trouble coping with anger, and guilt... Had a year long relationship, broke it 2 years ago. 8 months after the breakup, freak dream brings my feelings back. So, I go back to her and apologize like a madman for putting her through so much. Eventually, I end up telling her I have feelings for her and become the backup guy. She had a b/f at the time so I told her the best thing for me was to stop contact and let her live but she'd keep telling me she's not happy with him, blah blah. She caved and eventually spent a month hanging out with me while her b/f was away. (I know, I'm horrible.. but she told me she loved me and was just scared of breaking up with him cause he was abusive... and I was ready to break any moral rule to show her I really loved her) After the month, she broke it off with him but told me we should be friends... which shattered me - but I told myself I deserved it... I felt guilty about what I'd done to her 2 years ago and reluctantly agreed. Took more crap like her drinking/smoking (even weed).. (she's not 19 yet and she knew I was never okay with her doing those things). So I went NC but she'd cry about how she hates who she is.. and when i'd tell her i could fix everything, she'd say she doesn't want my help... which just made it worse for me cause I couldn't stand to see her cry... My problem is.. sometimes, I get angry at how I let her treat me last year but somehow I still feel guilty for how I broke up with her. I'm scared I won't be able to move on... she was my first relationship and it scares me how people keep saying "you never get over your first love". Even though I tried my best to apologize and let her abuse me, I still blame myself for everything. The guilt is suffocating me. Life. Sucks. =(
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