tkgirl Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I need your guys help. I've been thinking about my ex.. and I feel like I want to contact him and tell him... but I know I shouldn't. It would be crazy! here's some background: We met over two years ago... dated for about 2 months and it seemed liked we clicked and things were going good. Until out of the blue he ended it, saying he didn't feel that "deep connection" with me. I was crushed. 6 months go by and I tried to move on, dated other guys and all that.. but he was always on my mind... always. I just wanted another chance with him. Well, lo and behold, he contacted me. We went out again... and on the first date (again!) we end up in the back seat of his car, making out like teenagers... the spark was definitely still there. We talked a bit about what happened the first time... he apologized to me saying he was in a "bad place" then and should not have been dating. I gave him another chance (like I wanted to anyways!) and we end up dating again for a couple more months but I definitely had my guard up the whole time... I was always afraid he was just going to bail on us like he did the first time. And then he did... this time saying he didn't feel we had "that chemistry that we thought we we're going to have". I was like "huh?" I mean, how do you sleep with someone and not have any chemistry? is that even possible? Then a month later he said he missed me and wanted to see me... only to freak out on me... basically ran off like a scared little puppy. So I had to let him go... again! 3 months go by and he pulls the same thing.. wanted to see me but then got scared. A few more months go by and I'm still thinking about him so this time I contacted him.. and we decided maybe we should just try to be friends. That didn't work either... I didn't want to be "just friends" and I kick myself for not being more honest with him (or myself) about it. Fast forward to now... I still think about him way more than I want to admit. I know he's probably not the guy for me and it seems like now he has moved on.... we have not talked or anything since last summer. So why do I still want him? He pretty much walked all over my heart... but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to forget about him. I know he hurt me... bad... but at the same time he has all these great qualities that I still really miss. I realize he's a major commitment phobe and if we were to try to get back together, it probably would end up the same way it did the first two times. I don't know though... sometimes I think maybe it wouldn't? Aggghhhh! am I insane for wanting to see him still? HELP!
sagetalk Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Some of you ladies on here need to start thinking with your heads and not your emotions. The guys posting about how all girls care about is drama, well, in your case they are 100% right. It seems you really like this crap. This guy is a first class loser. Get this guy out of your life and find a guy that's worth something other than drama and lameness.
Author tkgirl Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Does his name begin with a T???????? oh no.... I was afraid you might see this! yeah... you need to come up here and slap some sense into me DG!
You'reasian Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I need your guys help. I've been thinking about my ex.. and I feel like I want to contact him and tell him... but I know I shouldn't. It would be crazy! here's some background: We met over two years ago... dated for about 2 months and it seemed liked we clicked and things were going good. Until out of the blue he ended it, saying he didn't feel that "deep connection" with me. I was crushed. 6 months go by and I tried to move on, dated other guys and all that.. but he was always on my mind... always. I just wanted another chance with him. Well, lo and behold, he contacted me. We went out again... and on the first date (again!) we end up in the back seat of his car, making out like teenagers... the spark was definitely still there. We talked a bit about what happened the first time... he apologized to me saying he was in a "bad place" then and should not have been dating. I gave him another chance (like I wanted to anyways!) and we end up dating again for a couple more months but I definitely had my guard up the whole time... I was always afraid he was just going to bail on us like he did the first time. And then he did... this time saying he didn't feel we had "that chemistry that we thought we we're going to have". I was like "huh?" I mean, how do you sleep with someone and not have any chemistry? is that even possible? Then a month later he said he missed me and wanted to see me... only to freak out on me... basically ran off like a scared little puppy. So I had to let him go... again! 3 months go by and he pulls the same thing.. wanted to see me but then got scared. A few more months go by and I'm still thinking about him so this time I contacted him.. and we decided maybe we should just try to be friends. That didn't work either... I didn't want to be "just friends" and I kick myself for not being more honest with him (or myself) about it. Fast forward to now... I still think about him way more than I want to admit. I know he's probably not the guy for me and it seems like now he has moved on.... we have not talked or anything since last summer. So why do I still want him? He pretty much walked all over my heart... but no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to forget about him. I know he hurt me... bad... but at the same time he has all these great qualities that I still really miss. I realize he's a major commitment phobe and if we were to try to get back together, it probably would end up the same way it did the first two times. I don't know though... sometimes I think maybe it wouldn't? Aggghhhh! am I insane for wanting to see him still? HELP! Contact him if you must, but do it as friends. To keep it as friends, agree to only speak on the phone - that way you can only exchange conversation not body fluids...keep it cool. Make a list of topics to avoid and avoid them. If you feel comfortable meeting, then do that. Otherwise, you'll just have to let it go.
Author tkgirl Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Some of you ladies on here need to start thinking with your heads and not your emotions. The guys posting about how all girls care about is drama, well, in your case they are 100% right. It seems you really like this crap. This guy is a first class loser. Get this guy out of your life and find a guy that's worth something other than drama and lameness. yeah.. I know... problem is, I do try to think with my head and not my heart, but for some weird reason my heart is starting to win again. I don't really think I'm a drama queen... I try not to be anyways. Just sucks because no matter how hard I try, I still think about this guy. I know... I think I might be really losing it sometimes....
Author tkgirl Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Contact him if you must' date=' but do it as [u']friends[/u]. To keep it as friends, agree to only speak on the phone - that way you can only exchange conversation not body fluids...keep it cool. Make a list of topics to avoid and avoid them. If you feel comfortable meeting, then do that. Otherwise, you'll just have to let it go. that's what happened last time.. we did hang out as friends only. It just didn't feel right at all though... because I knew deep down I really wanted more.
tami-chan Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 that's what happened last time.. we did hang out as friends only. It just didn't feel right at all though... because I knew deep down I really wanted more. Oh tkgirl...no...don't contact him...not when you still so much for him....
dreamergrl Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Maybe you should call me for once so we can set up a time for me to come slap some sense into you TG! But you already know what I'd say oh no.... I was afraid you might see this! yeah... you need to come up here and slap some sense into me DG!
sagetalk Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 we did hang out as friends only. It just didn't feel right at all though... because I knew deep down I really wanted more. What did you want more of, being treated like crap? This guy uses you for a good time, that's it. Somewhere there is some poor sap that places women on a pedestal and tries to muster the courage to just kiss a girl he likes on the third date. He wants to commit himself to her faithfully and loves spending time with her. But, to get out of the friends zone, what he should be doing is treating women like gutter trash to throw away and come back to whenever he feels like it. You have the power to make that paragraph above a total lie. How? By choosing men who treat you with honor and respect. When you allow men to disrespect you, you are sending a signal to all men that they should act like this jerk in order to get you and other women. And believe me, men are watching and listening. So what is your message to men and to me? Should I treat other women like this to get them thinking about me all the time? It worked for him. I like doing things that have a proven track record. Maybe I should start treating women like crap so they will want to be with me? Well?
Author tkgirl Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Oh tkgirl...no...don't contact him...not when you still so much for him.... yeah... exactly... it would be so wrong. I'm not going to contact him.. I'm pretty sure anyways! Maybe you should call me for once so we can set up a time for me to come slap some sense into you TG! But you already know what I'd say yep... well, as soon as I get some wheels again we'll make a plan but please don't hurt me! What did you want more of, being treated like crap? This guy uses you for a good time, that's it. Somewhere there is some poor sap that places women on a pedestal and tries to muster the courage to just kiss a girl he likes on the third date. He wants to commit himself to her faithfully and loves spending time with her. But, to get out of the friends zone, what he should be doing is treating women like gutter trash to throw away and come back to whenever he feels like it. You have the power to make that paragraph above a total lie. How? By choosing men who treat you with honor and respect. When you allow men to disrespect you, you are sending a signal to all men that they should act like this jerk in order to get you and other women. And believe me, men are watching and listening. So what is your message to men and to me? Should I treat other women like this to get them thinking about me all the time? It worked for him. I like doing things that have a proven track record. Maybe I should start treating women like crap so they will want to be with me? Well? that's what I'm talking about... that's the virtual slap in the face that I needed! no, most normal (sane) girls.. do NOT want to be treated like that. I'm just not always sane... I just hate that I still think about him... and compare other guys to him... and wonder why it didn't work out with us etc. etc. etc. etc. etc....
Author tkgirl Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 I just hate that I still think about him... and compare other guys to him... and wonder why it didn't work out with us etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.... so I posted that two days ago... funny when you just put something out "there" instead of just holding it in and trying to ignore it, it changes things. I no longer want to call him or even see him. I still wish things would have worked out different with us but things happened for a reason. This guy did mean a lot to me, I don't think he was out to "use me" but just couldn't give me what I needed... and I wasn't what he was looking for. So... I AM moving on... and this time I mean it!
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 what he should be doing is treating women like gutter trash to throw away and come back to whenever he feels like it. I'd say that puts it into perspective. What's so great about a guy that sees you this way, tkgirl? It's horrible. Stay no contact! Be strong. You deserve better than this idiot.
counterman Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 You deserve better than this guy. Just DON'T contact him whatever you do. I would even say don't contact him as friends because you obviously still have feelings for him. The more contact you make, the longer this thing is gonna stretch, the more you're going to think about him and the crazier it will drive you! What a coward.. running off than running back. It is pretty disrespectful and maybe, in hindsight, you should have said NO to him when he wanted you back. And yes, think with your mind and not your emotions - like you said, it would probably end up the same as the first two times and, plus, he probably isn't the one for you. He seems pretty confused anyways. Basically, you want a guy who knows what he wants and if he doesn't feel that "deep connection" when you already do (or whatever) than chances are later on, no matter how many times you give it a try, he won't feel it. By the way, taking him back would just boost his ego even more because he knows you want him bad. So yes, no contact..at least until you're dead set over him. Believe me it'll take sometime so it's normal that you feel you want him so badly.
Author tkgirl Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 You deserve better than this guy. Just DON'T contact him whatever you do. I would even say don't contact him as friends because you obviously still have feelings for him. The more contact you make, the longer this thing is gonna stretch, the more you're going to think about him and the crazier it will drive you! What a coward.. running off than running back. It is pretty disrespectful and maybe, in hindsight, you should have said NO to him when he wanted you back. And yes, think with your mind and not your emotions - like you said, it would probably end up the same as the first two times and, plus, he probably isn't the one for you. He seems pretty confused anyways. Basically, you want a guy who knows what he wants and if he doesn't feel that "deep connection" when you already do (or whatever) than chances are later on, no matter how many times you give it a try, he won't feel it. By the way, taking him back would just boost his ego even more because he knows you want him bad. So yes, no contact..at least until you're dead set over him. Believe me it'll take sometime so it's normal that you feel you want him so badly. yeah, I wish I could have stayed away from him back then.. thing was, I really liked him and it didn't feel right when he wasn't in my life... does that make any sense? The good news is that it does feel right now... having him stay gone. He was a good guy... believe it or not... but not in the same place as me at all. I know now that I want a guy that really knows who he is and what he wants... and knows he wants to be with me! I will not settle for less than that again. Thanks for the responses everyone!
counterman Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 That makes total sense. When my ex broke up with me, I wanted her back so badly..but it wasn't for the reasons I thought I did. In the early stages, it didn't real right at all and I really did love her but you know what? You always want what you can't have. In the end, there were a millions reasons we shouldn't be together when it should have taken only one of those to realise. It doesn't matter now for you because you made the choice to give it another shot and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. It's great that you realise now that you are better off without all that happening and you do deserve someone who really, REALLY wants to be with you (really!) I'm sure he was a great guy but the one thing that isn't so great is that running back and forth commitment thing. Hey, it doesn't take 10 chances to find that chemistry you're looking for with the same girl and why would you sleep with someone you don't feel that deep connection with if you're absolutely serious about her? Always happy to respond
colosseum Posted January 13, 2010 Posted January 13, 2010 Yes, move on. You deserve so much better than what he has done to you. Give yourself more respect than that. Though I am still young and stupid, when I was younger and even more stupid, I waffled with my gf the way your ex has with you (although on fewer occasions, I must admit). I'll tell you, I learned the harm I was doing when she finally put an end to it. Yeah, I learned a lot from her, and we're still friends. Don't let this guy jerk you around like that. Best of luck to you.
Author tkgirl Posted January 14, 2010 Author Posted January 14, 2010 Yes, move on. You deserve so much better than what he has done to you. Give yourself more respect than that. Though I am still young and stupid, when I was younger and even more stupid, I waffled with my gf the way your ex has with you (although on fewer occasions, I must admit). I'll tell you, I learned the harm I was doing when she finally put an end to it. Yeah, I learned a lot from her, and we're still friends. Don't let this guy jerk you around like that. Best of luck to you. yep... I do deserve way more respect than that. Oh, and I did tell him off the third time he tried to pull that crap with me... told him he should just leave me alone etc. Except a few months after that I contacted him again... I guess I didn't like feeling like a psycho beoch anymore. That's when we decided to try to be friends... and it was ok but then eventually we just stopped talking altogether. I don't know why I suddenly wanted to call him again after all this time... I thought I was finally moving on. That's why I started this thread... funny thing is, since posting it on here and reading all the responses I got, I have no desire at all to talk to him now. LS cured me! thanks again everyone!
sagetalk Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 He was a good guy. Please do not insult good guys everywhere by putting this guy on the same team. I applaud your decision. When you find a man that treats you with respect, you'll realize just how good a decision it was.
Author tkgirl Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 Please do not insult good guys everywhere by putting this guy on the same team. I applaud your decision. When you find a man that treats you with respect, you'll realize just how good a decision it was. ok.. how about he's a guy with some good qualities... just not enough. I want more for myself.. I want a good guy! I think I'm ready for one of those now...
thegreatmoose Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 yeah.. I know... problem is, I do try to think with my head and not my heart, but for some weird reason my heart is starting to win again. If you think with your heart, think about how he will break it again and again. Does your heart want that?
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 Can I assume every time he came back you had a sexual relationship? Do you really wonder why he came back? Have you ever wondered how many of "you" he has out there? Once a jerk knows he doesn't have to respect you, he won't. Once he knows any time he can't find sex, he can call you, he will. You have to break this cycle and that means not repeating it with the next jerk.
OceanTropic Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 He is using you for sex, and whats worse, is that you're always available for him, so he keeps coming back knowing you will be free for him. Maybe you felt a spark, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he felt it too.
D-Jam Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 I agree with most of the opinions here. tkgirl, imagine if a guy came on this board and spoke of a girl he met and dated for two months, but she up and vanished, then appears every now and then and he'll take her out on lavish dates, maybe get to make out with her, but she'll vanish again. Maybe even at one point he sees her with some other guy. Now she's calling him again after months of silence...what would you tell that guy? Good guys are guys who don't play the games with you that this one does. I agree with the opinions that you need to use your head and not your heart. People don't change and they don't come around unless there is something in "coming around" that they get out of it. So if he wants sex then he'll make you think you have a shot, but if he wants a wife/girlfriend then he'll look elsewhere. If he can't find anyone and has no other options, then he'll come to you. That's not a good guy...that's a douchebag. A good guy is the one who doesn't confuse you like that and doesn't string you along.
Author tkgirl Posted January 15, 2010 Author Posted January 15, 2010 Can I assume every time he came back you had a sexual relationship? Do you really wonder why he came back? Have you ever wondered how many of "you" he has out there? Once a jerk knows he doesn't have to respect you, he won't. Once he knows any time he can't find sex, he can call you, he will. You have to break this cycle and that means not repeating it with the next jerk. He is using you for sex, and whats worse, is that you're always available for him, so he keeps coming back knowing you will be free for him. Maybe you felt a spark, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he felt it too. For the record.. when he did try to come back we did NOT have sex... he actually was very respectful in that way. I know, you might not believe that but it's the absolute truth. I know, weird... it would have made way more sense if that's what it was about, but it wasn't at all. We would just talk, he'd say he missed me and wanted to see me... only to bail before we would even get together... or rather just not seem to care enough to actualy make a plan to see me. I think he wanted me to chase him more? I dunno... and don't really care that much anymore.... I agree with most of the opinions here. tkgirl, imagine if a guy came on this board and spoke of a girl he met and dated for two months, but she up and vanished, then appears every now and then and he'll take her out on lavish dates, maybe get to make out with her, but she'll vanish again. Maybe even at one point he sees her with some other guy. Now she's calling him again after months of silence...what would you tell that guy? Good guys are guys who don't play the games with you that this one does. I agree with the opinions that you need to use your head and not your heart. People don't change and they don't come around unless there is something in "coming around" that they get out of it. So if he wants sex then he'll make you think you have a shot, but if he wants a wife/girlfriend then he'll look elsewhere. If he can't find anyone and has no other options, then he'll come to you. That's not a good guy...that's a douchebag. A good guy is the one who doesn't confuse you like that and doesn't string you along. yep... exactly. I am so over wanting to call him.. seriously, I am. I want a good guy... I really do!
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