stargirl1984 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Friday Night (Jan 1)- I decided to take a chance and respond to an ad on craigslist. The guy emailed me back that night, and we seemed to hit it off really well. After a few hours of emailing, we decided to take the next step and move onto the phone. He called me that very night, and we ended up talking for four hours. We made a date to meet on Sunday for lunch. Saturday Night- he called again, and we talked for 2 hours. But he said he'd have to postpone the date- his brother was still in town from another state, and what he thought was a morning flight was a night flight- he wouldn't be leaving until late Sunday night, so he'd spend the day with him. No problem- he immediately rescheduled for Tuesday night- dinner and going to a karaoke bar I like. Wished me sweet dreams, and he'd call me the next night. Sunday Night- he called after taking his brother to the airport, we talked for another 2 hours. He confirmed we'd meet at 6:30 Tuesday. Monday Night- no calls, no answer when I asked if we were still on for Tuesday. Tuesday Afternoon- he emailed me, saying he couldn't meet that night- something had come up. He then wrote another email, saying he had needed to talk to me. He finally called me that night, and told me what had come up- his ex-girlfriend. He'd told me during our first conversation that they'd been together 5 years- they'd broken up six months ago. He said it'd been a clean, mutual split- they'd disagreed about key issues (Like, he wanted kids, she didn't know yet...that kind of stuff.) They hadn't really talked since the breakup. Well, apparently, one of her friends had seen his ad posted. The ex had called Monday night, asking him what he thought he was doing, and suddenly saying she wanted to get back together. And that was why he hadn't called me- he wanted to get his head straight. He said she kept calling him Tuesday, and he rehashed with her the reasons they broke up. He also told her he was talking to someone else (Me), which made her freak out more. When I asked him what he was going to do, he said he liked me, and wanted to see me. We set up another date to meet- we chose Saturday afternoon. He said that way he had time to let the drama die down, plus the workweek would be done. He was being really nice to me, apologizing for everything, and just being generally sweet. He said he was sad after having to deal with his ex's drama, but talking to me was making him feel better. We ended up talking for another 2 hours, before he got off to go to sleep, telling me to have sweet dreams, and making me promise to think of him. Wednesday- we txted some, but he didn't call that night. He emailed me the next day, and apologized, saying his ex stopped by his house wanting to talk, and caused a scene. Thursday Night- his ex invited herself over to his place AGAIN, yelled at him more, tried to grab his phone when she heard it beep (I had txted him), called his mom (apparently, her and the mom were close), and then refused to leave. He finally managed to get rid of her right before midnight. He called me right afterward, to talk, and tell me what had happened. "I'll admit, there's still some friendly feelings there- we were together for a long time, so they don't COMPLETELY disappear. That's why I can't just refuse to open the door or anything. But, I told her I DON'T want to get back together. I'm trying to move on with my life, and start something new." He said she's always been dramatic, and that was another one of the big reasons they broke up. He assured me he still wanted to see me on Saturday. We talked for another 2 hours about other stuff. Before going to bed, he said he'd call his mom in the morning and apologize about the ex calling, and see if maybe his mom could talk sense into her. He said he'd email me and tell me what happens. Friday Afternoon- he emails, saying his mom gave him an earful- "told me what a great person my ex is and I'm being foolish for placing an ad online. She reminded me how much my whole family likes my ex and blah blah blah...just depressed me. I think i am going to go home early today and just crawl under the covers and sleep." I txted him later asking if he wanted to talk about it, but I could understand if he wanted alone time. No reply all night. Saturday- He txted minutes before our 4pm date- "I can't come. I am with my ex. Im sorry". He then said they were "trying to talk things out". When I asked if he's getting back together with her, he said "I don't know, she spent last night here". So I guess that means she invited herself over AGAIN. He kept saying he was sorry, he didn't want to hurt me, and "I have to sort this out". Also said "It's complicated. My family is involved." Added "U are special I am sorry." I told him it'd mean alot to me if he still met me that night, even if it's as late as 8 or 9. That it's not really fair to put me in the middle of this, and I deserve a fair chance too. He said "She is not going to let me leave she knows about u". My response was "She can't make you stay. You said you wanted a partner? Seems like she treats you like a slave." He finally wrote "I have to go" at 4:30. He didn't write again until 8pm, saying "She is here i like u". I replied "She's been there ALL DAY. PLEASE ask her to leave. I'm sick of her ruining our plans. If u like me...I wanted to be with u tonight." He never called that night. It's 8:30pm on Sunday here, and he still hasn't contacted me. I txted him " I don't want to cause you drama.If u still want me, talk to me. I dont want my feelings toyed with. I hope you can sort your stuff out and see me one day." I don't know how to feel or what to do. I know I haven't met him, but we've spent hours upon hours on the phone, and were connecting...the best I have with any guy in a long time. When he talks to me, he's so nice, sweet, and polite- compliments me alot, and says I'm really easy to talk to, and he feels like I really listen to him. In fact, he said we had great chemistry, and suggested going "exclusive" if the first date went well- which he was sure it would. Basically, he seems like he could be a great guy- If he could only put his foot down and cut his ex out of his life. But this drama with his ex is getting to be too much, too soon. I don't like being stuck in the middle and getting my feelings hurt. My friends said I should give him space- it's only been a week since the Ex-GF returned, so let him sort stuff out, and he'll call me when the dust has settled and he's ready. (Assuming he stays broken up with her. Which, I'd think he'd have to be a complete idiot to take her back now, yeah?) Should I do that? Or should I just tell him I'm done with this mess, and cut and run? Or is there another path I can take?
hoping2heal Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Um really? Listen honey, are you that hard up for a date you are willing to beg a guy to give you a chance who blows you off for an EX and has HER spend the night? What is the deal here? Are you a masochist??? Yes give him space alright! Give him so much space you never have to hear or see him ever again. Have some respect for yourself, come on now.
sagetalk Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 This guy sounds like a real winner . Please, for your own sake, run.
OnlyJake Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Do you really want this much drama in your life and relationships?
Author stargirl1984 Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Do you really want this much drama in your life and relationships? Not really. That's why I just want him to cut her loose completely, and resume his plans with me.
OnlyJake Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Not really. That's why I just want him to cut her loose completely, and resume his plans with me. That's clearly not going to happen, and the only actions you can control are your own. If you don't want the drama (or for him to treat you like crap like he has been) you need to just stop talking to him and move on. You haven't even met the guy and all you have are drama and reasons NOT to meet him. The fact that you've only been talking to him for a week, haven't met him, and all this other stuff is going on, yet you still want to give him a chance (more like will he decide to give YOU a chance, and I'm betting the answer is no, unless his ex gets sick of him and blows him off) is concerning.
sagetalk Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Not really. That's why I just want him to cut her loose completely, and resume his plans with me. Fail, epic legendary fail. And I don't believe that you don't like the drama. This guy just blew you off for his ex and you are taking it. This guy is such a loser for not being honest with you and telling you he wants his ex and please go away. Why not find a guy that says, "My ex is a loser, I wanna be with you". Now that's a guy worth going after. This guy wants his ex. Find another guy.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I'm not sure why you would believe she is an 'ex' in the first place. It sounds to me like she simply busted him trying to cheat on Craigslist. Even if he was truthful about being single, I am inclined to think that you aren't the only one he was lining things up with and probably had a few girls ahead of you on his priority list - hence him continuing to blow you off. Either way, your best bet is to walk ... no, RUN away. You aren't going to find anything good in this situation.
torranceshipman Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Omg, this guy is a complete joker. Cut him loose immediately - the whole situation is making everyone involved look like an idiot.
New_Life08 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 The real issue with him is that he allows others to dictate how he will run his life. The ex, and his mother. He can't say no. Trust me, this would cause some big issues in a future relationship with him. He has no balls...period! Just for the fact that an ex would involve your mother is enough to send anyone through the roof! He should have told them all to kiss his a$$! Of course this is only true if he and the ex were as "broke-up" as he claimed. His story and the facts may be much different. I would cut that man loose and move on.
Author stargirl1984 Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 got a reply to my email today: "I am sorry for the drama,,,but I am going to give her another chance. We have spent to much time together and she says she is going to try and change on some things I didnt like when we dated. I am truly sorry,,,I know you dont want to hear this but I feel like I have to give her one more chance. " Whatever. I should've never gotten stuck in this. Good Riddance.
Mary3 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 got a reply to my email today: "I am sorry for the drama,,,but I am going to give her another chance. We have spent to much time together and she says she is going to try and change on some things I didnt like when we dated. I am truly sorry,,,I know you dont want to hear this but I feel like I have to give her one more chance. " Whatever. I should've never gotten stuck in this. Good Riddance. WOW this exact same thing happened to my friend on Craigs list ! Your guys first name does not start with a J does it ? Listen , there might not BE any ex ( another thought ) and he is stalling because he is fugly... But lets assume this guy really does have a mascho ex....You were rebound like my friend. He pulled the same cra- with my friend. Kept going back to the ex.... I am really sorry this happened. But when he was wishy washy you should TRAIN your BRAIN to back off immediately ! It's one thing if someone moves around a date and cancels it one time....and reschedules....but this guy kept standing you up. Listen if its any consolation. Make ups from Break Ups have a high failure rate. I dont tell you that so you can wait around. Have some dignity. Get out and stay out. NO Texting. No emails. No facebook. No voicemails. NO NOTHING. Please do NOT wait for this guy. When they break up he will come use you again. You dont want to be used seconds do you ?
Author stargirl1984 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Haha- no not the same dude- mine is from Florida, and starts with "B". Yeah, I have NO intention of waiting. Funny- I might hang with a guy I used to know in high school tomorrow. And txting with a guy I used to date tonight. (Not really an ex- we didn't get to the bf/gf stage) So I'm not going to be tooo lonely.
Lishy Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 hmmmm all this drama over a guy you have not even met?????? Let him work it out with his ex, he still loves her
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