Clep Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Last night my bf and I went out to his friends birthday party. She is quite nice and his other two friends are there. The other two friends are really nice to me and are accepting of me and I now consider my friends as well. I have noticed that one of them (the blonde) get's really close to my bf. One time a couple of months ago some guy though she was my boyfriends girlfriend. I thought that a little odd. Then today the pictures of the evening last night go up on facebook and the pics are tagged of all of us. I was very uncomfortable when I saw a picture in the album of my bf with these two friends. The brunette's pictures with him are always tasteful with them with their arms around each other. With the blonde she is quite close, body pressed up against his. The pic of them last night had her leg raised to his waist with the rest of her body pressed up against his side. Why aren't these types of pics ever taken while I am looking? She has a bf that is quite nice and I like lots and we all hang out together. I don't think my bf is doing anything with either of them, I just think they are good friends, but I do feel it is inappropriate for any woman to be posing in such a way with my bf. I would never pose like that with some guy, or my friends boyfriend. My bf already feels I am jealous as I was upset about one of our female friends grinding up against him all the time while dancing in the club and I finally said something. It caused a huge issue. I don't want to bring up something to him in this area unless I feel I have to. Am I just being a prude?
alphamale Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I would never pose like that with some guy, or my friends boyfriend. you should rethink this policy. next him hang all over the blondes bf when pics are being taken. that'll show everyone
Author Clep Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 you should rethink this policy. next him hang all over the blondes bf when pics are being taken. that'll show everyone I can't bring myself to lower my standards to make someone else feel the way I do. I do not wish to behave in a way that I feel is not okay. I am simply wondering from other's perspectives if I am being too uptight.
alphamale Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I am simply wondering from other's perspectives if I am being too uptight. yes i do think you're taking this a bit serious. if it continues to bother you then have a chat with the blonde chick
Author Clep Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Thanks for the input. I will just leave it for now. I would not have a talk with the blonde chick but with my bf. I think he is the one that set's the boundaries with other people as I do. This is between my and my bf, not me and her I think. I guess I feel a little upset where my bf is concerned about this. My ex is a very close friend of mine. He goes out with my bf and I sometimes and I believe my bf is confident that we are nothing but friends. One night someone said to pose for a pic so my ex was standing behind me and hugged me and we smiled for a pic. My bf was very angry and let me know in no uncertain terms that he felt that to be inappropriate. I did not agree but did tell him I would not pose for a pic again with my ex and have never done so since unless my bf is the one manning the camera. The pic of my ex and I was much more tame than the pic with this girl and my bf. Maybe because the chick is not his ex that the situations are different. I see a bit of a double standard here though that makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess looking at it closer I have two issues in regards to this. My bf doesn't even know it is on facebook I think as it was the only picture that was not tagged to be put under his profile pics. It was in her picture album. I will still leave it and try to work through it myself. Thanks again.
OnlyJake Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 She is not respecting you or your relationship with your bf; likewise she is disrespecting her bf and her relationship with him. Your bf isn't making her, or showing her, that she needs to be respectful either. I dated a guy who had a girl friend like that. There were tons of pictures of them online in all kinds of extremely touchy-feely poses. BUT, while he and I were dating, that **** was not going on at all. It was never even an issue, because it just didn't happen. You should have a chat about respect with your bf if you want to stay with him; just gonna throw in there, though, that after all my dating experiences I will never deal with disrespect ever again. I don't think I should have to tell my bf to respect me, or that his behavior is disrespectful. Respect is the very base foundation of your relationship. You two should probably have a chat about boundaries also.
Author Clep Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Your bf isn't making her, or showing her, that she needs to be respectful either. You should have a chat about respect with your bf if you want to stay with him; just gonna throw in there, though, that after all my dating experiences I will never deal with disrespect ever again. I don't think I should have to tell my bf to respect me, or that his behavior is disrespectful. Respect is the very base foundation of your relationship. You two should probably have a chat about boundaries also. I agree with what you say about my bf not requiring respect on her part. I have chatted in the past with my bf about respect in relationships. He didn't understand at the time how such things can be disrespectful or harmful to the relationship. After our discussion about it he understood what I meant, but it was a situation where one of our friends was rubbing up against him all time while dancing behind him. He felt that he was doing nothing wrong as she was the one doing it and he did not reciprocate. We both believe that what other's do is not significant and cannot be worried about. Women flirt with him all the time and I am not going to panic about it when he goes out alone or I would drive myself crazy. I think he likes the flirting as it boosts his ego and I believe he lacks some self esteem for a couple of reasons. I don't think he would cheat, but I do believe he likes the attention.
OnlyJake Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I agree with what you say about my bf not requiring respect on her part. I have chatted in the past with my bf about respect in relationships. He didn't understand at the time how such things can be disrespectful or harmful to the relationship. After our discussion about it he understood what I meant, but it was a situation where one of our friends was rubbing up against him all time while dancing behind him. He felt that he was doing nothing wrong as she was the one doing it and he did not reciprocate. We both believe that what other's do is not significant and cannot be worried about. Women flirt with him all the time and I am not going to panic about it when he goes out alone or I would drive myself crazy. I think he likes the flirting as it boosts his ego and I believe he lacks some self esteem for a couple of reasons. I don't think he would cheat, but I do believe he likes the attention. His inaction tells his "friends" that they don't have to respect you or his relationship with you. His inaction in and of itself (in a scenario like that) is disrespectful toward you. Of course you two can't control other people's actions. But it's on him to make sure you are respected. Maybe that means he stops dancing, or tells his "friend" to stop grinding on him. What's more important to him? His relationship with you or the ego boost he gets from disrespecting you and your relationship, and allowing others to disrespect you?
2sunny Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Maybe because the chick is not his ex that the situations are different. is it possible that something has happened in the past between the two of them and you just don't know about it? it's not safe to make assumptions, maybe they had something going at one time... i wouldn't expect that kind of intimacy and close body language unless two people had prior intimate body contact. either way he disrespected you by participating. the fact that it only happened while your weren't looking makes me even more suspicious. you have a few things to check into. start asking.
2sunny Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I don't think he would cheat, but I do believe he likes the attention. don't make this assumption either... notice how one thing contradicts the other? there's a reason... he will cheat if he needs that much attention and you aren't there to give it to him. or if he needs more than what he thinks he's getting from you.
Space Ritual Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Why aren't these types of pics ever taken while I am looking? Because you would be upset...I would too. after your BF got up in your grill about your ex, I think under the circumstances he should be a bit more respectful. You need to listen to 2 Sunny on this one...
2sunny Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 i just read some of your prior threads... i am wondering what is so appealing about this guy? he seems to purposely hurt you consistently... is that what you're looking for in a man?
Author Clep Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Because you would be upset...I would too. after your BF got up in your grill about your ex, I think under the circumstances he should be a bit more respectful. You need to listen to 2 Sunny on this one... I agree with that. I think that the fact that one is my ex and the other isn't means nothing and I do believe that pic to be disrespectful.
Author Clep Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 i just read some of your prior threads... i am wondering what is so appealing about this guy? he seems to purposely hurt you consistently... is that what you're looking for in a man? If I was to post about the wonderful things he does and stands for it would by far outweigh the negative or else I would not be in the relationship. I don't typically post all of the good things he does as I do not need aid with those and they working well for me. I believe there are times he tries to hurt me purposely, when he is being passive aggressive and thankfully that is not often at all. He has been working on that and I do believe that as I am seeing results from what he is doing. What I do know is that he has a commitment to making things work and working on himself to do it, even if the results are not as quick as he or I would like for them to be. I have something that bothers him greatly that I have been working on for about three months now and I just keep reverting over and over. I am grateful he is patient about it with me. I think he has some double standards and things he is confused about in a relationship, but compromise is not something he is unwilling to do so why am I with him....these would be the reasons.
imagine Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Your B/f sounds immature. Let him know your standards - privately. If he does not comply - chuck. Who want to marry a cheater.
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