I am bummed. Did she lose interest, or was she never interested to begin with?

January 11, 2010

I met a girl at a party a few weeks ago. I got her number, couldn't tell if I was super interested (she may have picked up on that vibe) but seemed cool enough. We hung out twice and she seemed interested in me at that point. I asked her to hang out again and she said yes right away. When we actually got together I was ready to make a move and she didn't really respond to my move, I then kind of asked her where we stood. She said that she just saw us as heading towards a friendship. She said she didn't want to be mean but really did want to be my friend. I said that it was cool, and I thought she was interested to begin with but that maybe I misread her. She didn't respond when I said this.

I am bummed, I don't get why she lost interest, but maybe she wasn't that much to begin with. (Though she would do things like randomly text me and tell me what music she was listening to, and would also send random 'hello' messages.)

Does it sound like she met someone else, or just lost interest for some unknown reason? Is it possible that she'll change her mind or should I not hold onto any sort of hope? For some reason I want to hold on to hope that she'll change her mind again but it seems like a silly hope. I am bummed.

January 11, 2010

I met a girl at a party a few weeks ago. I got her number, couldn't tell if I was super interested (she may have picked up on that vibe) but seemed cool enough. We hung out twice and she seemed interested in me at that point. I asked her to hang out again and she said yes right away. When we actually got together I was ready to make a move and she didn't really respond to my move, I then kind of asked her where we stood. She said that she just saw us as heading towards a friendship. She said she didn't want to be mean but really did want to be my friend. I said that it was cool, and I thought she was interested to begin with but that maybe I misread her. She didn't respond when I said this.

I am bummed, I don't get why she lost interest, but maybe she wasn't that much to begin with. (Though she would do things like randomly text me and tell me what music she was listening to, and would also send random 'hello' messages.)

Does it sound like she met someone else, or just lost interest for some unknown reason? Is it possible that she'll change her mind or should I not hold onto any sort of hope? For some reason I want to hold on to hope that she'll change her mind again but it seems like a silly hope. I am bummed.

wouldn't sweat it. be her friend and let her be your wing woman

January 11, 2010

I got her number, couldn't tell if I was super interested (she may have picked up on that vibe) but seemed cool enough.

if you asked for her # then she knew you were interested

When we actually got together I was ready to make a move and she didn't really respond to my move, I then kind of asked her where we stood.

don't asks girls "where you stand" on the 3rd date. you should already know by yourself

She said that she just saw us as heading towards a friendship. She said she didn't want to be mean but really did want to be my friend. I said that it was cool,

never accept the consolation prize of "friendship"

I am bummed, I don't get why she lost interest,

could be for any one of a hundred reasons

(Though she would do things like randomly text me and tell me what music she was listening to, and would also send random 'hello' messages.)

this stuff has little significance

Is it possible that she'll change her mind
...

no

I am bummed.

keep on looking for other girls

January 11, 2010

I met a girl at a party a few weeks ago. I got her number, couldn't tell if I was super interested (she may have picked up on that vibe) but seemed cool enough. We hung out twice and she seemed interested in me at that point. I asked her to hang out again and she said yes right away. When we actually got together I was ready to make a move and she didn't really respond to my move, I then kind of asked her where we stood. She said that she just saw us as heading towards a friendship. She said she didn't want to be mean but really did want to be my friend. I said that it was cool, and I thought she was interested to begin with but that maybe I misread her. She didn't respond when I said this.

I am bummed, I don't get why she lost interest, but maybe she wasn't that much to begin with. (Though she would do things like randomly text me and tell me what music she was listening to, and would also send random 'hello' messages.)

Does it sound like she met someone else, or just lost interest for some unknown reason? Is it possible that she'll change her mind or should I not hold onto any sort of hope? For some reason I want to hold on to hope that she'll change her mind again but it seems like a silly hope. I am bummed.

What exactly was "the move"? Also, why did you wait until the third "date" to make said move? From the looks of it, I would say that your downfall was probably your inability to make a move sooner. Some women want a guy they are interested in to make a move sooner rather than later, then get tired quickly when that doesn't happen when they want it to happen.

There really isn't a way to re-ignite that type of interest once she had decided you are friend material. If you want to be her friend, then that's cool. Regardless, learn from this for the next one.

January 11, 2010

What exactly was "the move"? Also, why did you wait until the third "date" to make said move?

"The move" was going in to kiss her when we were watching a movie. I waited so long because I was on the fence as to whether I was interested in her until we hung out that third time and it really clicked for me.

I seem to always fall into this pattern. I'm not sure if I'm interested, and then when I decide that I am, I get rejected. It gets depressing after awhile.

January 11, 2010

"The move" was going in to kiss her when we were watching a movie.

She may have wanted a challenge, but when she saw she had you she got bored. Not your fault, some girls are strange. Don't let her friends zone you after you have gone on a few dates. She is kissing you with the kiss of romantic death. Say thanks for memories and see you later .

January 11, 2010

She may have wanted a challenge, but when she saw she had you she got bored. Not your fault, some girls are strange. Don't let her friends zone you after you have gone on a few dates. She is kissing you with the kiss of romantic death. Say thanks for memories and see you later .

Challenge = drama.

Women require it.

January 11, 2010

Challenge = drama.

Women require it.

So, how do you tell the difference between someone who is really interested versus someone who just wants a challenge? Am I doing something wrong, or just not hanging out with the right girls? This "game" stuff is lame.

Edited January 11, 2010 by JoeShmoe17

January 11, 2010

So, how do you tell the difference between someone who is really interested versus someone who just wants a challenge?

once you get the experience its really easy. but you have to date and sleep with a lot of chicks first.

January 11, 2010

So, how do you tell the difference between someone who is really interested versus someone who just wants a challenge? Am I doing something wrong, or just not hanging out with the right girls? This "game" stuff is lame.

I would think the secret to success with women is having lots of options, and simply liking her a lot less than she likes you. The only succesfull with women guys I know are the ones who always do the dumping, because they don't really like her, and realize they have options, and guys like me have women lose interest and I get dumped, all the time.

January 11, 2010

once you get the experience its really easy. but you have to date and sleep with a lot of chicks first.

Notice how female behavior actually encourages male promiscuity, because that's the only way guys can even get women other than the freak chance of luck, since 20% of guys get 80% of women.

January 11, 2010

So, how do you tell the difference between someone who is really interested versus someone who just wants a challenge? Am I doing something wrong, or just not hanging out with the right girls? This "game" stuff is lame.

Sadly, it's not a game, it's called life. Some people want one thing out of it, some want something else. There are many different types of women, if she wants a challenge, you're best to avoid that type. Keep doing what you are doing, eventually you'll hit a girl that wants you to make a move, you make the move, and oh-oh-oh it's magic .

January 11, 2010

Sadly, it's not a game, it's called life. Some people want one thing out of it, some want something else. There are many different types of women, if she wants a challenge, you're best to avoid that type. Keep doing what you are doing, eventually you'll hit a girl that wants you to make a move, you make the move, and oh-oh-oh it's magic .

Well, if he's 17, 98% of girls that age are going to play games... Only when they get older, will he be able to even have a shot at the woman you describe.

January 11, 2010

Well, if he's 17, 98% of girls that age are going to play games... Only when they get older, will he be able to even have a shot at the woman you describe.

17 is just in my user name. I am 27.

January 11, 2010

I met a girl at a party a few weeks ago. I got her number, couldn't tell if I was super interested (she may have picked up on that vibe) but seemed cool enough. We hung out twice and she seemed interested in me at that point. I asked her to hang out again and she said yes right away. When we actually got together I was ready to make a move and she didn't really respond to my move, I then kind of asked her where we stood. She said that she just saw us as heading towards a friendship. She said she didn't want to be mean but really did want to be my friend. I said that it was cool, and I thought she was interested to begin with but that maybe I misread her. She didn't respond when I said this.

I wouldn't write her off completely. If a girl still continues to hang out with you one on one after giving you the friend's line, you may still have a chance with her. Though the only way to rebound back is to let her know it's cool and that you're dating other girls. Though don't brag about it, be a little mysterious and less available.

I am bummed, I don't get why she lost interest, but maybe she wasn't that much to begin with. (Though she would do things like randomly text me and tell me what music she was listening to, and would also send random 'hello' messages.)

An ago boost? I think she lost interest in you sexually because you waited too long to make a move. Look for IOIs (indicators of interest) when you're out with her next time, but be less attentive when you guys hang out. It's actually a good sign she takes initiative to contact you first, you still have a chance.

Does it sound like she met someone else, or just lost interest for some unknown reason? Is it possible that she'll change her mind or should I not hold onto any sort of hope? For some reason I want to hold on to hope that she'll change her mind again but it seems like a silly hope. I am bummed.

You're bummed because you've put all your eggs into one basket. She knows this. Let her know you're in demand and have a busy life. Don't be there at the beck of her call/text every time. You have to put the ball back into your court.

January 11, 2010

Sadly, it's not a game, it's called life. Some people want one thing out of it, some want something else. There are many different types of women, if she wants a challenge, you're best to avoid that type. Keep doing what you are doing, eventually you'll hit a girl that wants you to make a move, you make the move, and oh-oh-oh it's magic .

Quoted for truth. The woman you will want to date and be around at the level will not care about when the move is made, just so long as you make one.

OP, despite the typical negativity toward women and dating that seems to be making its way into this thread, I really don't think you did anything that wrong. This girl sounds a little off the track anyway, and don't think for a minute that just because you've hit a bit of a rut that anything is wrong with you. You will find that girl that likes you for what you are and the way you do things and all of this analysis will seem pointless in hindsight.

Keep your head high and things will work out.

January 11, 2010

Quoted for truth. The woman you will want to date and be around at the level will not care about when the move is made, just so long as you make one.

OP, despite the typical negativity toward women and dating that seems to be making its way into this thread, I really don't think you did anything that wrong. This girl sounds a little off the track anyway, and don't think for a minute that just because you've hit a bit of a rut that anything is wrong with you. You will find that girl that likes you for what you are and the way you do things and all of this analysis will seem pointless in hindsight.

Keep your head high and things will work out.

Thanks! I really like your post and advice. "You will find that girl that likes you for what you are and the way you do things and the analysis will seem pointless in hindsight" - I agree that we shouldn't have to worry whether we did or said something wrong or there was something we could have done differently, and I look forward to meeting that girl who likes me for who I am and when I do things :-)

It can be really hard to keep your head up in the dating world (as I know others feel from reading some of the posts on here), but we gotta keep trucking if we want something to work, and I guess if something is meant to be it will happen whenever it is ready.

January 11, 2010

we gotta keep trucking if we want something to work, and I guess if something is meant to be it will happen whenever it is ready.

Exactly man! Just keep reminding yourself of that exact line and things will work out for you.

January 14, 2010

Update: so she emailed me a few days afterward a somewhat lengthy email. At the end she said she hoped things were cool between us, she was sorry if she sent mixed messages, she felt bad about that, but has just really liked spending time with me and would like to do so again sometime.

So, is that a further push into the friend zone or does it sound like she may be still be slightly curious? I don't want to be thick headed here, I'm just not sure why she would want to continue to hang out if we weren't really friends before and had only hung out a few times after exchanging numbers.

Is it worth hanging out again or no?

January 15, 2010

So, is that a further push into the friend zone or does it sound like she may be still be slightly curious?

Hate to say it, but as far as this girl is concerned, you're the Mayor of Friend Zonegeles!

January 15, 2010

I met a girl at a party a few weeks ago. I got her number, couldn't tell if I was super interested (she may have picked up on that vibe) but seemed cool enough.

She was interested in something, but at that point it was more the mystery of you.

We hung out twice and she seemed interested in me at that point. I asked her to hang out again and she said yes right away.

Her interest was rising.

When we actually got together I was ready to make a move and she didn't really respond to my move.

Then it was at the wrong time or in the wrong way.

I then kind of asked her where we stood.

Her interest dies here. Always assume, never fret.

She said that she just saw us as heading towards a friendship. She said she didn't want to be mean but really did want to be my friend.

What she means is, "I was intrigued before, but not anymore."

I said that it was cool, and I thought she was interested to begin with but that maybe I misread her. She didn't respond when I said this.

Never tell a girl your feelings. Save that for when you've been with her for a long time, and even then do it sparingly.

I am bummed, I don't get why she lost interest, but maybe she wasn't that much to begin with.

Hopefully you see now?

(Though she would do things like randomly text me and tell me what music she was listening to, and would also send random 'hello' messages.)

Good that she's not ignoring you, but realize these are breadcrumbs.

Does it sound like she met someone else, or just lost interest for some unknown reason?

Maybe both. She sounds like she likes a challenge. You told a girl you met at a party that you liked her a lot after only hanging out twice. Not much of a challenge. Make her earn your favor.

Is it possible that she'll change her mind or should I not hold onto any sort of hope?

IMO it's possible, but that part is up to you.

For some reason I want to hold on to hope that she'll change her mind again but it seems like a silly hope. I am bummed.

But not with this attitude.

Edit: I realize now I have merely repeated things others have said because I didn't read through the thread first. Oh well. As for your update, you shouldn't have emailed her first of all. Second of all, moving from texting to emailing is a demotion of communication, meaning she's pushed you further away. Stop talking to her and find a new girl at this point.

Edited January 15, 2010 by TheLoneSock
added

January 15, 2010

Hate to say it, but as far as this girl is concerned, you're the Mayor of Friend Zonegeles!

indeed....

January 15, 2010

Update: so she emailed me a few days afterward a somewhat lengthy email. At the end she said she hoped things were cool between us, she was sorry if she sent mixed messages, she felt bad about that, but has just really liked spending time with me and would like to do so again sometime.

So, is that a further push into the friend zone or does it sound like she may be still be slightly curious? I don't want to be thick headed here, I'm just not sure why she would want to continue to hang out if we weren't really friends before and had only hung out a few times after exchanging numbers.

Is it worth hanging out again or no?

The way to tell in the beginning if a woman is interested in you, is when she asks alot of questions about you.

What she said to you here in so many words is that she is rebounding off of someone, and she used you to feel wanted. She was never really interested in you. Dont worry though, this tactic doesnt work, and she feels like crap now because of it, so she got nuthin like she deserved.

Next time you need to treat these young girls as if they have to qualify to hang with you. If you dont, they might walk all over you. They need a challenge, you cant let them know that you are really interested in them, just curious about them.

Chances are you will run into a nice girl who will be genuinely interestd in you, so dont fret. But this girl here....dont answer anymore of her calls.

January 15, 2010

Alpha's 100% right in this case.

Asking "Where do we stand" on the third get together?! Far, far too soon. You were probably over-enthusastic. Let the relationship develop naturally and don't try and push it.

January 15, 2010

Alpha's 100% right in this case.

Asking "Where do we stand" on the third get together?! Far, far too soon. You were probably over-enthusastic. Let the relationship develop naturally and don't try and push it.

I have to agree also. You are in the deadly "friend zone" Time to forget about her

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I am bummed. Did she lose interest, or was she never interested to begin with?

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