4givrnt4gtr Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 (edited) Ok so, long story short I have a friend ive known for years. From the begining i had a feeling he liked me but i thought it was all in my head, after all, he kept getting girlfriend after girlfriend and I was more like his platonic, confidant. Perfectly fine by me, as he was the same for me. However, in the past couple of years things have changed. Last year after a bad break up for me he and I went out and ended up making out and all over each. I kinda knew it was going to happen as he had given me hints here and there he was interested in more than a friendship. However halfway thru the making out situaiton i freaked out, told him i didnt want to do that as it was just something random and I dont like that. He never told me he liked me and actually right then he said he just thought i was attractive, and we've been friends for so long so why not but he had no feelings for me. So fine, i just assumed it was something random, which i never do, but i guess i was in a bad place. However, for a while I thought i might feelings for this guy, but slowly the way he acted just killed them all (plus remembering who I was thinking about....knowing all that i know about him made me realize he really isnt what I want) Well fasforward to this past september, I broke up with a guy I really loved, and still do. My friend ofcourse has been there to pick up the pieces. The feeling that he has feelings for me is still there, but I try to brush it off. We talk for hours and hang out a lot but i try to convince myself its just me, especially since he tells me about how he was set up to go on a date with a girl, and asking me what should he do and where should he take her. Yet at the same time, he tells me he is a really great boyfriend, that he wants to marry his best friend (and proceeded to tell me Im his best friend a couple of days later), how we have so much in common etc etc. Also, a while back, we went out for a few drinks and inevitably we ended up hooking up. I keep telling him i dont want to do that, that I dont like FWB, that it will all just lead to trouble. (Especially since im very aware now that he likes me much more than I like him and I am leaving in 6 months). He says he agrees but somehow we always end up either kissing, or at the very least in my bed cuddling, tickling each other and just acting like we're together...which totally weirds me out after I think about it. Basically, Im really confused as to how i feel about him. I mean, clearly im attracted to him right? But honestly I dont think i like him. I like the attention he gives me and stuff. But I dont want a relationship with him. Yet, knowing all this i cant for the life of me stop going out with him. I mean i love him as a friend and we have a good time together, so sometimes i wonder if maybe i could be with him. But for the most part, when im hanging out with him and think about it, the answer is a resounding NO.....so why cant i just say NO when he asks me to hang out with him, knowing fully well that we're gonna end up at the very least spooning and teasing each other? Also, Im not sure what he feels for me. Sometimes i feel really bad because it looks like he is in too deep. Like for instance, last night we went out and he stayed over. This morning I woke up and realized I had him against the wall so I joked that I had crowded him. He said I had done that all night so I said sorry and moved away from him. He climbed on top of me, buried his face in my neck, basically inhaled me, gave this weird little grunt and said he had to go . Actually, he's done that before, one night he just came over saying he was in the neighboorhood, that he had too much to drink, and wanted to stayed with me. He literally just stayed and slept without trying to touch me (which i was relieved, that was my condition for him to stay). In the morning though after we woke up we stayed in bed for a while joking and chatting. He pulled me in and cuddled with me for a good couple of hours, he kept covering my neck with my hair saying "necks are bad" when I asked why they were bad he just buried his nose in it and started sniffing like a houndog. I just laughed but he kept doing that on and off, saying how good i smell etc. In any case, I need help figuring out what I feel for this guy and what to do about it....anyone please please help me so I can stop feeling bad for both either leading him on, and for being so freaking confused as to why I cant make myself stop making out with him! Edited January 10, 2010 by 4givrnt4gtr
sagetalk Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 I broke up with a guy I really loved, and still do. My friend of course has been there to pick up the pieces. But honestly I dont think i like him. I like the attention he gives me and stuff. But I dont want a relationship with him. Read those sentences above carefully. I'll just be my normal self and be blunt. You are using this guy as an emotional crutch. He's a little tool in your toolbox for when you feel down about yourself. You friend zoned him (which means you do not want to date him), yet you keep dragging him along giving him hope. If he is physical with you, that is not a friend relationship, it is a romantic relationship. You said yourself that you don't want FWB (which is a bizarre romantic relationship). You clearly have no desire to be in a serious relationship with him and he clearly does not want to be just a friend. For his sake and yours, you need to break this off. It isn't fair to treat him like a puppy dog or a crutch, he's a man, show him some respect and let him have some dignity.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 You clearly have no desire to be in a serious relationship with him and he clearly does not want to be just a friend. For his sake and yours, you need to break this off. It isn't fair to treat him like a puppy dog or a crutch, he's a man, show him some respect and let him have some dignity. Yeah....i dont want a serious relationship with him...thats a fact. But i dont know if he wants more than FWB either. Now, when all this mess began I told him we needed to stop, as I didnt want FWB. He accused me of using him and said he was fine with that. I said I didnt meant to and I wasnt fine with it. He said that every time a relationship failed i always ran to him and so, in that case, to go, have another relationship and break it off so we could hook up again. In any case, the reason why Im trying really hard to figure out why I just cant say no to him is because Im at a point where I either need to accept I like him and want more or I need to accept I dont and completely cut him off. Ive tried the whole, backing off slowly, try to keep it platonic, and its just not working. Any ideas how I can test my own feeling for this guy? I need to know for a fact before I do anything I cant take back, like telling him we better stop talking.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Even if you don't think that you have feelings for him, sounds like you are in a lot deeper than he is. He clearly enjoys the physical side and FWB situation (yes you are having a FWB relationship). If you actually cornered him and asked him bluntly for a relationship, he would give you a bunch of lame excuses and run.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 Even if you don't think that you have feelings for him, sounds like you are in a lot deeper than he is. He clearly enjoys the physical side and FWB situation (yes you are having a FWB relationship). If you actually cornered him and asked him bluntly for a relationship, he would give you a bunch of lame excuses and run. hahahaha you know when I read this I wondered if thats what I should do...to corner him and ask him for a relationship so that he would run away....but then I immediately decided thats a bad idea cuz if he agrees, then im screwed....THATS how i know i really just dont like him. The more i think about it the more i realize that I miss the intimacy of a relationship and he is giving me that without asking for much in return. Not ok at all regardless of what he says....i guess its time to exit the stage in this little drama of mine.
boogieboy Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Youre leaving in 6 months, stop seeing him now.Theres no need for you to even talk to him when you are leaving.
colosseum Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Im trying really hard to figure out why I just cant say no to him is because Im at a point where I either need to accept I like him and want more or I need to accept I dont and completely cut him off. In addition to all that has been said above; The fact that you're having this internal debate is a bad sign. Stop this now, for the sake of both you and him. It can be extremely damaging and detrimental in the long run. Trust me; I speak from experience.
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