Weirdo Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I would really like to know how you guys would define being taken for granted by your partner. Are there specific things that are just a dead giveaway? In addition, whats the difference in being taken for granted and people just being comfortable in a relationship? I'm finding this confusing
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I did everything for my ex...she coudlnt even make a decision on the smallest thing without consulting me. I helped her in every aspect of her life and felt like I was carrying the stresses of 2 lives because of it. her stress was my stress. that being said, i felt i got no appreciation for any of it - and that it was expected. she left me after i lost my job and had a tough couple of months after 2 years together. that's the definition of being taken for granted (and maybe being taken advantage of). a thank you goes a long way every once in awhile....or just anything that shows they notice what you do for them...
TaraMaiden Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Being taken for granted is... erm.... Ok - - being taken for granted is when you do so much stuff around the house, and you not only get no thanks for it, it becomes expected, and they don't understand why you get p1$$y because you do so much and they do nothing. How's that?
Author Weirdo Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Theyre both great defs, thanks I'm just having trouble because I'm wondering if my presence is now taken for granted. As in, that I will always answer the phone, I will always be there for him if he wants and I'm not sure if its appreciated.
OnlyJake Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Theyre both great defs, thanks I'm just having trouble because I'm wondering if my presence is now taken for granted. As in, that I will always answer the phone, I will always be there for him if he wants and I'm not sure if its appreciated. Maybe you could clarify things that make you feel taken for granted, or that he's "just comfortable" with the relationship?
paddington bear Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I've been 'taken for granted' a lot and just wanted to point out that it takes two to tango - one running around doing stuff for the other one, aiming to please, the other party thinks, this is great, she always takes the garbage out, cooks dinner, won't mind if I break dates...whatever and as the others have mentioned just come to expect it... but...you have taught them to expect too much with your own behaviour of giving too much and not stopping this behaviour when it is clearly not appreciated - sometimes people don't know all you are doing for them until you stop doing it. Don't teach people that you will eternally run around and do anything for them with no thanks. I think being taken for granted starts insidiously until the next thing you know, years have gone by and the bitterness of the one being taken for granted, not being thanked or appreciated eventually explodes out.
CLC2008 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I think the easiest way to define it, would be when there is "imbalance". For instance, you may do something more for your partner, whereas your partner does less. But if you are both pitching in, just in different areas, and you still feel taken for granted, well that's worth examining underneath the surface... An example would be similar to a post I made in the Family section about my cousin and I. I think both of us had felt taken for granted, in our own ways. That came through when she verbally attacked me out of no where, and when at the end of our argument, I cried. Now, I still do not agree with her nor do I excuse how she handled it, but I do understand where her frustration stems from, and 95% of it, is within HER. What I have done, is gone out of way even more so than I have before. As a result, she has been more considerate towards me and she now goes out of her way to say thank you, whereas she never used to say thank you for anything. It shows me, that she's appreciative of me and my pitching in extra, shows her that I am empathetic to her "frustrations".
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 dont be afraid to communicate your feelings with him. this is one thing i definitely regret in my past relationship. i didnt say anything - and they taking for granted just got worse and worse. maybe i even held some resentment inside me....
Author Weirdo Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Maybe you could clarify things that make you feel taken for granted, or that he's "just comfortable" with the relationship? Ok yeah maybe this would help. I appreciate all the answers so far I dont feel taken for granted in domestic issues or physical things- we don't live together and we are pretty equal in regards to making each other dinner in respective homes for example. Its more, right now I feel my presence is not appreciated the way it used to be. I'll give you an example, that may seem quite picky, but set off alarms in my head when it happened. When watching tv in his house, we were sitting with 2 of his housemates, both guys. He switches on some sport- to which his housemates acknowledge that it might be boring for me and we should find something we can all enjoy, but he leaves it on, proclaiming his love for it and stays seated. After say, 10 minutes I put on my shoes, make my excuses and go home, out of sheer boredom. Before he wouldn't have done this, and although he may well like the sport or whatever, it just makes me think that he thought I would sit there until he was finished watching it and was ready to hang out with me again. Feel free to inform me if I'm insane or not! I dont feel I am, but I can't tell if this behaviour is meant to get a rise out of me or am I being taken for granted..
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