I just broke up with him.

[EricaH329]

I don't even really know what to say.

 

I feel so so so so bad right now.

 

He really is a great guy. He's wonderful in every sense of the word. I'm just not emotionally ready for a relationship, with anyone right now.

 

I feel extremely guilty because I was the one who convinced him that we could work. He never does a LDR, and i'm the first one he decided to give it a try with. And it lasted all of what... 2 weeks? Ugh.

 

He said that he understands. He seemed as though he understood. I tried to make it very clear that it has nothing to do with him, and i'm probably making a huge mistake. But if I let the relationship go on, and my emotional instability continues, then it would hurt a lot more in the end for both of us.

 

It's not fair that I stay in a relationship that i'm not ready for. I thought I was, I truly thought I was ready, but i'm not.

 

I told him that I really wanted to stay friends. And before you say 'That's what all females say', i'd like to point out that i've known him for 12 years. I told him before we even got into a relationship that no matter what happens, it would be rediculous to end our friendship.

 

He agrees.

 

He ended up getting off of the phone with me because he said he needs to let everything process, and think about what just happened. He said he will call me back later.

 

My heart is in my stomach right now. I feel like the worst person on the face of the planet. I can't believe that I just put someone that is so wonderful through what I just did.

[Zeegagge]

You didn't kill anyone, you just broke up with someone. If it's only been two weeks then there shouldn't be too much attachment. He sounds like he is handling it ok, and that he understands which is good. You definitely did the right thing by doing it sooner rather than later.

 

Not sure what is causing you to be so emotionally unready, but it comes down to, you thought you could do this and now you realize you can't. Some time to yourself will be great for you. May be good for him too.

[EricaH329]

You didn't kill anyone, you just broke up with someone. If it's only been two weeks then there shouldn't be too much attachment. He sounds like he is handling it ok, and that he understands which is good. You definitely did the right thing by doing it sooner rather than later.

 

Not sure what is causing you to be so emotionally unready, but it comes down to, you thought you could do this and now you realize you can't. Some time to yourself will be great for you. May be good for him too.

 

There isn't too much romantic attachment involved, but we've been friends for so long... that not only does it hurt me to see that he's hurt, but the fact that i'm the reason why he's hurting is even more painful.

 

And all because I thought I was ready for something that I wasn't.

 

I shouldn't have rushed into it. I should have waited a little bit longer.

 

Fact of the matter is, that I love my ex. I cannot emotionally connect with anyone on a higher level than just friends.

 

I led this guy on without realizing it. I feel so bad. I might as well have killed someone, i'd probably be feeling the same amount of guilt.

 

Ok, i'm overreacting.

 

But I do feel terrible.

[You'reasian]

There isn't too much romantic attachment involved, but we've been friends for so long... that not only does it hurt me to see that he's hurt, but the fact that i'm the reason why he's hurting is even more painful.

 

And all because I thought I was ready for something that I wasn't.

 

I shouldn't have rushed into it. I should have waited a little bit longer.

 

Fact of the matter is, that I love my ex. I cannot emotionally connect with anyone on a higher level than just friends.

 

I led this guy on without realizing it. I feel so bad. I might as well have killed someone, i'd probably be feeling the same amount of guilt.

 

Ok, i'm overreacting.

 

But I do feel terrible.

 

If you guys have been friends for 12 years, I wouldn't sweat it. That's a solid foundation to leverage for things like this. He's probably not hurt about it. Maintain your friendship though.

[Howitzer]

You made a mistake, that's all. You weren't ill-intentioned, so don't worry.

[hoping2heal]

Don't beat yourself up. You did the RIGHT thing. It would of been much worse to just lead this guy on for months and months and months. I know you feel bad and that's natural but again; you did right by both him and yourself. You want him to find a woman that love and adores him, not one who is with him out of pitty right? Not that you dated him out of pity I know- but if you would of stayed with him because you felt too guilty to break up with him and "hurt" him- that WOULD of been pity dating.

[Devil Inside]

Seeing how hard you are taking it lets me know how big it was for you to break this off at only two weeks. You took a chance with the relationship moving to the next level...and it didn't work out. It is always a risk. Everyone entering a relationship knows that one possible, and often likely outcome is the end of the relationship. So I commend you for doing it after two weeks, especially because I know how hard it is for you to let people down (like that guy that comes to your shop form the other thread). Erica...it will be fine.

[Arav]

You know, when i read your Post i started to think "this Boyfriend could be me". I'm going through the nearly exact thing right now, just on the opposite site.

Okay we where together a little bit longer about 4 and a half month and we have known each other for years.

She too isn't ready right now for a relationship and has to work on somethings from here past to finaly be free.

 

I could write much more, but this is your thread.

 

 

The only thing i have to say is..

 

"You did the only right thing to end the relationship (yeah thats hard for me to say). It wouldn't have been fair for ether of you two. You really don't have to feel guilty you have done nothing wrong"

 

So back to work...

 

and sorry for my bad english. My main Language is german.

[EricaH329]

Thank you everyone for all of your responses!

 

I know that I probably shouldn't feel as bad as I do, but I just can't help it.

 

I thought I would feel better today, but I don't.

 

He never called me back. He didn't reply to the text that I sent him either.

 

I think he is taking this harder than he let on. Which doesn't help my case.

 

I could tell that he was beginning to really, really like me. That's another reason why I wasn't able to bring myself to stay in the relationship.

 

On another note, my ex asked me (once again) to be with him last night. I told him that I can't. I find it so odd that the reason why I can't be with anyone is because i'm in love with my ex. And yet, I can't be with him either!

 

I just want all of this to go away. I want to run away to a remote island somewhere, isolated from all human interaction, and just sit. That's all. Just sit.

[coast_to_coast]

 

On another note, my ex asked me (once again) to be with him last night. I told him that I can't. I find it so odd that the reason why I can't be with anyone is because i'm in love with my ex. And yet, I can't be with him either!

 

 

Erica,

 

I am going through something very similar to you right now (In love with ex who wants to be with me, in the mean while led on a wonderful new guy that I am not ready for).

 

Juggling two romantic interests is exhausting and ultimately completely unfair to everyone in the equation. I think one of the most important things to realize is that there is no hurry. Rash decisions about who to choose are only going to cause problems to resurface again in the near future. You are doing the right thing by "emotionally escaping" and not allowing yourself to be with either. It will give you the perspective you need to get your life back in order, either alone, or with the person that you choose.

 

It's hard to put everything on hold in fear of losing everything, but again you are doing the right thing by not attaching yourself to anyone when you feel like you lack stability. That's one of the reasons I broke up with my ex: I didn't want to drag such an amazing, thoughtful person through my lowest points, because I know he would have stayed there waiting for it to get better.

 

Anyway, just thought I would chime in and give my support. I haven't been able to pull the plug on the men in my life but your story is giving me the confidence I need to do it.

[EricaH329]

Erica,

 

I am going through something very similar to you right now (In love with ex who wants to be with me, in the mean while led on a wonderful new guy that I am not ready for).

 

Ugh, I was hoping I was the only one unfortunate enough to be going through this mess. I am so sorry you are also!

 

Juggling two romantic interests is exhausting and ultimately completely unfair to everyone in the equation. I think one of the most important things to realize is that there is no hurry. Rash decisions about who to choose are only going to cause problems to resurface again in the near future. You are doing the right thing by "emotionally escaping" and not allowing yourself to be with either. It will give you the perspective you need to get your life back in order, either alone, or with the person that you choose.

 

You are so right! I'm trying really hard to learn from my past mistakes, and one of them that I noticed happens a lot is I tend to rush into things. That never benefits anyone in the end.

 

It's hard to put everything on hold in fear of losing everything

 

This statement speaks volumes. That's exactly how I feel! I know that i'm not ready for a relationship with anyone, especially because my ex still needs to prove a lot to me, but i'm terrified that if I don't get into this relationship with him... the chance will pass me by.

 

This is where tons and tons of strength need to come in. I know that what I am doing right now is the right thing (even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes) and that if I continue to take everything one day at a time without making any sudden decisions, i'll be more than ready for a healthy long term relationship.

 

 

but again you are doing the right thing by not attaching yourself to anyone when you feel like you lack stability. That's one of the reasons I broke up with my ex: I didn't want to drag such an amazing, thoughtful person through my lowest points, because I know he would have stayed there waiting for it to get better.

 

I seriously feel your pain. I know how hard that was to do. I admire your strength.

 

Anyway, just thought I would chime in and give my support. I haven't been able to pull the plug on the men in my life but your story is giving me the confidence I need to do it.

 

Thank you so much for posting!! It really made me feel a great deal better to know that i'm understood.

 

Feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. I definitely understand what you are going through.

Edited January 11, 2010 by EricaH329

[CaliGuy]

Erica, in Latin it's known as "Feces Occuri"

 

(sh*t happens).

 

You took a chance, it isn't working, you were honest with him. I don't see that you did anything wrong. I've been in his exact position and the best thing you for to do is to not contact him for some time so that he can make the adjustment and prepare to move on with his life.

 

I know you want to stay friends, but it should be on his terms.

 

Cheers.

[EricaH329]

Erica, in Latin it's known as "Feces Occuri"

 

(sh*t happens).

 

You took a chance, it isn't working, you were honest with him. I don't see that you did anything wrong. I've been in his exact position and the best thing you for to do is to not contact him for some time so that he can make the adjustment and prepare to move on with his life.

 

I know you want to stay friends, but it should be on his terms.

 

Cheers.

 

You're right. I sent him a text saying that I understand his need for space, and that if and when he is ready to talk again... i'll be here.

 

I want to go about this the right way. He did nothing wrong to me what-so-ever.

[Space Ritual]

You know what Erica,

 

 

Even though it hurts right now, and considering you have been friends with this guy for 12 years, I will still commend you for at least having the honesty and integrity of ending it as soon as you did. Many may think that isn't worth much, but at least you were honest. And that is much more than some people can ever be./ especially in a LDR.

 

 

I think in time that this other gent will be able to understand that you did him a favor by not prolonging any false hope on his part or internal agony on your part.

 

I was in a LDR a couple of years ago that ended when my GF kept acting like things were fine. We were able to see each other once a month or so but she changed gears and started meeting me halfway out of the blue (distance wise) for a few days at a time, so I knew something was up . I ended up driving almost 1000 miles unannounced on a gut feeling only to discover that she had moved another guy in her home on me and had been keeping it from me for months all because "she didn't want to hurt me". It was a pretty silent and sad drive all the way back to Chicago from New Hampshire. Then to find a couple of months later on Myspace that she was celebrating her wedding and she was pregnant.

 

 

 

So give yourself some credit in that you told him the truth and left him with some dignity. Maybe in time you can be friends, something I could never fathom with my ex.

 

Best fo luck.

[CaliGuy]

You're right. I sent him a text saying that I understand his need for space, and that if and when he is ready to talk again... i'll be here.

 

I want to go about this the right way. He did nothing wrong to me what-so-ever.

 

Then that is all you really have to do. Men, whey the are dumped, are especially angry and spiteful. Trying to force a friendship when really what he wants is time/space to heal isn't a good idea.

 

Let him come to you when/if he is ready to resume a friendship. Keep in mind that there is a possibility he may never be your friend again.

 

That is the biggest risk of taking a platonic friendship and turning it into a romantic relationship....

 

No matter what happens or what has been said, I think you did the right thing.

[ann09]

It's part of life. We fall in love - we get our hearts broken - we move on etc. He will be fine and hopefully remain your friend. Don't beat yourself up over this - are you supposed to stay with someone just because you feel badly??

[EricaH329]

Then that is all you really have to do. Men, whey the are dumped, are especially angry and spiteful. Trying to force a friendship when really what he wants is time/space to heal isn't a good idea.

 

Let him come to you when/if he is ready to resume a friendship. Keep in mind that there is a possibility he may never be your friend again.

 

That is the biggest risk of taking a platonic friendship and turning it into a romantic relationship....

 

No matter what happens or what has been said, I think you did the right thing.

 

Thank you! He gave me a call yesterday, and we spoke for about 5 minutes, and I could just feel the tension on his end. It wasn't like i'm used to talking to him. I have a feeling it may never be again, and that hurts equally as much.

 

I'm hoping that since our relationship really didn't last very long, he'll be back to normal in no time.

 

You know what Erica,

 

 

Even though it hurts right now, and considering you have been friends with this guy for 12 years, I will still commend you for at least having the honesty and integrity of ending it as soon as you did. Many may think that isn't worth much, but at least you were honest. And that is much more than some people can ever be./ especially in a LDR.

 

 

I think in time that this other gent will be able to understand that you did him a favor by not prolonging any false hope on his part or internal agony on your part.

 

I was in a LDR a couple of years ago that ended when my GF kept acting like things were fine. We were able to see each other once a month or so but she changed gears and started meeting me halfway out of the blue (distance wise) for a few days at a time, so I knew something was up . I ended up driving almost 1000 miles unannounced on a gut feeling only to discover that she had moved another guy in her home on me and had been keeping it from me for months all because "she didn't want to hurt me". It was a pretty silent and sad drive all the way back to Chicago from New Hampshire. Then to find a couple of months later on Myspace that she was celebrating her wedding and she was pregnant.

 

 

 

So give yourself some credit in that you told him the truth and left him with some dignity. Maybe in time you can be friends, something I could never fathom with my ex.

 

Best fo luck.

 

This situation was different, in that we've been friends for 12 years. I think it's different when you meet someone and begin having romantic feelings towards them, as opposed to being friends at first. If you know what I mean.

 

Unfortunatly, right now, the fact that I did the right thing doesn't overpower the hurt that I feel for him.

 

I guess in time things will be better, for the both of us.

 

It's part of life. We fall in love - we get our hearts broken - we move on etc. He will be fine and hopefully remain your friend. Don't beat yourself up over this - are you supposed to stay with someone just because you feel badly??

 

I know I did the right thing. As they say 'The best things aren't always the easiest.' Even though I know I did the right thing for the both of us, it still leaves me feeling badly.

[CaliGuy]

Thank you! He gave me a call yesterday, and we spoke for about 5 minutes, and I could just feel the tension on his end. It wasn't like i'm used to talking to him. I have a feeling it may never be again, and that hurts equally as much.

 

I'm hoping that since our relationship really didn't last very long, he'll be back to normal in no time.

 

Once you go from Platonic to Romantic, the past is essentially wiped and you begin a new chapter. If that fails, you can't exactly go back to the way things were. All sorts of dynamics have changed.

 

I hope (for your sake) that he will want to renew the friendship in the future but be prepared if he does not. It's just one of those little oddities of life.