tincanman99 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I have never been good at reading women's body language when they are interested. I either mistake it or ignore it totally. So I always error on the side of assuming they are just being friendly. In the last year I made changes in my life, I joined a new gym, hired a trainer who corrected my diet and helped me loose 40lbs. I have made new friends but have been careful not to fool around with the women in my gym because I am there to exercise not date. There is an incredibly cute woman in my weight training class whom I see all the time who is in amazing shape. In the last few months she has decided to start saying hi to me with a big smile and bright eyes. I found it odd considering she has been ignoring me all this time. If she says hi, I will return the hi but dont go out of my way to say hi and sometimes I avoid her totally. About a week before New Years my new found gym bunny decided that she should start touching me. My back was to her and she made sure to walk by and touch my shoulder to let me know she was there. Kind of took me off guard as attractive women normally dont touch especially men they dont really know. Sure she has seen me many times but at most I might have said hi and just stayed away from her. I was very leary as my trainer told me she was married when I first joined the gym. A week later, it went from that to asking me how I was doing to full blown conversations about New Years prior to the holiday and asking/wishing me a Hapy New Years. I figured ok, just roll with it because frankly I was/am skittish and dont really want any entanglements at my gym. The last girl I was interested in it turned out to be dating and sleeping with like 5 guys simultaniously including a good friend of mine. Thanks but no thanks. So I am leary about involvment. After New Years this past week she became even more friendly asking me how was my New Years, how was my week going, blah, blah. It culminated with her walking out of the gym with me on Friday, her introducing herself to me and wishing me a great weekend. So I figure 100% this woman is interested. Well I just came from a session with my trainer and I told her what is going on. She told me 110% for sure this woman is married. She knows her husband and told me a story about him. She said he seemed like a nice guy. I was like ok, than why is she doing this. My trainer said maybe she is being friendly or has a crush on you. I said yeah could be but in my experience attractive women dont do this including yourself which she laughed at - they generally are not friendly with men they barely know. She doesnt talk to any of the other men and they ignore her just like I do. I know this because I watch. BTW, she never wears a ring of any kind. It could be cause of the exercise but most women I encounter never take the things off no matter what. Even at the gym. This is kind of irritating me now. So why is she doing this? 1. Its all ego. Get her rocks off that she still has it and can get the men if she so chooses? Like most men I have difficulty ignoring attractive women (but which I was doing) and this was a challenge to her? 2. Her marriage is on the rocks and she is shopping around for a new playmate? 3. She is seriously insane. 4. All of the above. It kind of feels like a trap. Lure me in, wear me down, get me enthused and than what? I ask her out so she can turn me down and tell me she is married? I dont get it, why not just leave me alone. Frankly I think now I am going to go to the other gym just so I can stay away from her for a while. I dont want any problems because this has the making of an epic trainwreck.
Yukikazi Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Just play along.. you know she is married so don't take it anywhere.. just be non committal and disinterested in her advances. Don't reciprocate the flirtations too much Or Next time she talks to you.. turn it towards family and ask how her husband is.
Art_Critic Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 All of the above... If you go after this woman and she is indeed married like your trainer says then start looking for a new gym as this will explode and you will be the fall guy. If you want to chat her up then do it... there isn't anything wrong with that but no hitting on her.. you might want to ask her about her husband and see what she says. Either way though you can't go further than some workout gym conversation with her as she is married.. and don't become her friend.. that will mean she is just looking for somebody to cheat on her hubby with and you will be very disposable at the that point.
temple Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Wow, it just sounds like you're overanalysing everything she does. It seems to me as though she's just being friendly. She's probably seen you a few times and feels more comfortable talking to you than before, that's all. I wouldn't worry so much about it!
norajane Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I'm not sure why this is bothering you so much? Regardless of why she's being friendly and if there is any ulterior motive or not, you don't have to do anything more than be polite and get on with your workout. I don't understand why it would drive you to go to another gym. Are you afraid you'll fall for her or something and get drawn into an affair? You've obviously learned a lot about discipline if you've managed to maintain a regular workout routine, changed your diet to be more healthy, and lost 40 pounds. This should give you a lot of confidence in your abilities to focus on what is important to you and blot out all the rest. And it should make you perfectly comfortable knowing that you have the discipline to do what is best for yourself.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 She barely speaks to anyone and now she is my new best friend? Attractive women with great bodies never have a shortage of male admirers. Most of the time they dont get friendly with them. I dont think I am over analyzing it, what would she do this? I am attracted to her, I wont lie. Both physically and mentally. She has a great personality and disposition and could easily get myself in trouble with her. I do have the self control but only to a point. I just dont understand why she would even do this if she is married. Whats the point? Frankly I dont know need any more attractive female friends that are involved with someone else.
MissJoness Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 you are just overanalyzing way too much. you lost the weight and not used to attracting people so this is all new to you its so simple. she probably just wants to have an extra marital affair. its really not unheard of.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I dont get it, why not just leave me alone. Frankly I think now I am going to go to the other gym just so I can stay away from her for a while. ask her out to dinner. one of two things will happen: she says yes and you're in for a roller-coaster rideshe says no and then will leave you alone
sagetalk Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I think you may just not be used to being around alot of extroverted aggressive women. They will touch you all the time. I worked with nurses in a previous job and they touched me all the time. On the back, on the shoulder, hugs, and many of them were married as well. Just have fun with it, having an affair with a married women would nominate you for loser of the year award though. Keep it light and fun, I enjoy the touch of beautiful women whether it's sexual or not .
melodymatters Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I agree with the psoters who are saying you are over thinking and not used to friendly, flirty interaction. Consider this : Every attractive woman who works with the public and gets smiled at, conversed with, touched or flirted with, quitting her JOB because she doesn't want to be involved with some imagined, projected, shipwreck scenario ??? That would sound paranoid and frankly insane to me. It's called being a grown up and setting your own boundries. Having light fun convo's with a fellow co-worker or gym mate, can end right there, at the door, with a "have a great night, see ya next time !". Being sociable is healthy. The people who post all freaked out beacuse someone said hello at Walmart, freaks ME out !
Author tincanman99 Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 I understand what is being said about being sociable and friendly except that until recently she was not sociable and friendly. She is not like this with any other guy I have seen at the gym. Now all of sudden she wants to be my new best friend? ok, I lost weight maybe am attractive but there is no reason to bother with me if you are indeed married. Whats the point? As I said I dont need any more attractive female friends that are involved.
Awesome Username Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Why can't you just be this woman's friend? If she hasn't explicitly asked you out, she is probably just being friendly. Even if she's flirting a little, that's all it is. You obviously see her a lot, so she is more comfortable around you and says hello. To me, there's nothing wrong here.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 As I wrote earlier, I dont need any more women friends. She needs to go do her thing and leave me alone. She sees a lot of people all the time including other men, go be there friend.
Yamaha Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Why can't you just be this woman's friend? If she hasn't explicitly asked you out, she is probably just being friendly. Even if she's flirting a little, that's all it is. You obviously see her a lot, so she is more comfortable around you and says hello. To me, there's nothing wrong here. The problem is he's interested......
dazzle22 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 This woman very CLEARLY is looking for "something on the side" and you are the flavor of the month. You are probably cute and your shyness comes across as adorable;). Also, she is used to being pursued, so you are a challenge, a "nut to crack", to see if she can get you. Also, her husband probably has a black belt and works out at the same gym at a different time. Ha ha! My yoga instructor at the gym is like this. A man eating sexual predator, going through several of the guys in class. You can always tell which one. She singles him out and uses him as demonstration. Of course, her getting knocked up is slowing her down a bit now! Get used to the attention. Just be cool with it, enjoy it, and DON'T take the bait. This too shall pass...
meerkat stew Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 There's no way to know what's in her head here, OP. I agree with you that her behavior is puzzling. In your shoes, I'd befriend her purely platonically. Women are just as aware of social value in a gym as anywhere else, and your social value will skyrocket, possibly opening up options with other single women at the gym or elsewhere. This can only be a good thing for you, if you play it right. Just reread the replies, why is everyone beating up OP? His question and posting isn't preposterous or anything, I'd be wondering the same things he is if similar stuff hadn't happened to me so many times in life. Had a girl at the gym once, recently, younger than me by at least 15 years, very pretty, follow me literally all over the gym one night for hours flirting very openly (Im no Charles Atlas or bodybuilder). Would follow me wherever I went in the gym. Smiling, fluttering eyelashes, almost blatantly "posing" for me. Talking away at me. I was just smiling and nodding for the most part with an occasional "is that so?" as I went through my routine. Got on the treadmill, she followed me and got on the one next to mine and proceeded to tell me all about her BF, all this behavior completely unsolicited by me. Did I remind her of someone? Was she attracted to me? As they say, "what do you get when you cross and elephant and a rhino?" It's all noise, OP, no use trying to figure out their motives, until you ask them out (or they ask you). Up to that point, who the hell knows what's going on between their ears, if anything pertinent at all?
dazzle22 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 :confused:Who is beating him up? She's making moves. Sometimes guys don't see it when it is the other way round. Is she a cougar?
MissJoness Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 As I wrote earlier, I dont need any more women friends. She needs to go do her thing and leave me alone. She sees a lot of people all the time including other men, go be there friend. okay she doesn't know that you're not interested so why don't you tell her that yourself. she doesn't know whats in your head and that you feel this way ok, I lost weight maybe am attractive but there is no reason to bother with me if you are indeed married. Whats the point? As I said I dont need any more attractive female friends that are involved. maybe she's in an open marriage or maybe she finds you attractive and wants to screw you because she is tired of her husband. people step out on their partners all the time it doesn't take all that analyzing to get it.
meerkat stew Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 :confused:Who is beating him up? She's making moves. Sometimes guys don't see it when it is the other way round. Is she a cougar? Not going to reread the thread, but recall folks telling him to lighten up, as if his puzzlement wasn't legitimate somehow. He was puzzled enough to post and ask about it, good enough for me.
stace79 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Wow, it just sounds like you're overanalysing everything she does. It seems to me as though she's just being friendly. She's probably seen you a few times and feels more comfortable talking to you than before, that's all. I wouldn't worry so much about it! Agreed. Or maybe she appreciates the fact that you are being disciplined and you've gotten healthy and she wants to encourage you or make you feel welcome at the gym. I wouldn't consider myself a hot gym bunny by any means but there are a couple guys I know and I speak to at the gym. Nothing serious, just fun to say hello to people you see frequently.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 I apologize if I am dense because I kind of am at times. I go through phases, date heavily and than stop for a few years, date heavily and than stop again. I was not always heavy and the last bunch of years were tough - deaths in the family, laid off multiple times, blah, blah. Not a fun time but I decided last year this time to get my act together. So I did. My trainer did more than just help me loose weight, she changed my diet, my outlook on life and even my wardrobe. She is a busy little gym bunny . Frankly I am not used to this level of female attention since I got trim and lean. I have women talking to me all the time now. I find it kind of bizarre actually. I would be lying if I did find her attractive and thats the problem. I dont have trouble ignoring someone if you are not in my space, being friendly and being soaked in sweat and 1/2 naked already . When I say she doesnt do this with anyone else, believe me. BTW, her husband does go to the same gym. This is why I said its a train wreck waiting to happen.
CaliGuy Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Well the way I see it, if you know she is married then you simply need to maintain your distance and do NOT pursue anything with her. If she is not happily married then she is probably feeling things out with you to see if she has an "option". I hate to say it but many people, regardless of their sex, tend to make sure they have an option before they end their current relationship. These are needy people, by the way and not the kind you want to have a relationship with. I would take her flirtation as a compliment but would not let it get any further than that. If what she is doing is making you uncomfortable then let her know. She's crossing a boundary with you and you need to make that boundary clear.
Yukikazi Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Dude.. unless she's trying to give you a handjob while your benchpressing or a BJ while your doing butterflies... don't be such a downer. Unless she suggests a more private or outside meeting, then just be friendly and non committal. Nothing wrong with being personable. If you absolutly feel like you need to be a prick to give her the message that you are not interested then do it. Or grow a pair and just tell her honestly that you are not enamored with her flirty behavior and request that she cease. All your bitching is for nothing if you don't have the balls to tell her to back off. If you don't want drama then ****ing end the game before it goes any farther. or just suck it up and be a friendly person.
Author tincanman99 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 An update from last night. One of the staff at the gym showed me the gym bunny's husband. So she is or was married for a fact. Than I proceeded to stay the hell away from her. When the class started I made sure I was on the other side of the room far, far away from her where I did not have to look at her nor speak to her. When I left the gym I made sure I went out the other way so I would not run into her. So here is the question, if I maintain my distance I assume she will just back off, correct? Problem solved. No drama right?
alphamale Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 So here is the question, if I maintain my distance I assume she will just back off, correct? she will unless shes a bunny-boiler
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