ducknrun Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Here was my first post almost 1 year ago about my fiancé cheating on me. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t180180/ This last year was very hard. I spent the first 6 months trying to figure things out, pretend like things didn't happen and try to resolve our issues. I was a one sided effort by me that really changed myself. After not getting where I wanted to be I slowly became bitter, more negative and sometimes mean all of which I justified by her cheating. She started to make some what of an effort to fix the things wrong in our relationship but I felt I had to push her in that direction or give her all the steps. Even will all her effort... the things that I had lost never came back to me and I had her remove all her stuff from my house and she ended up having to move back home. I told her the contact should be limited and eventually stopped other than when it concerned our son... She didn't stick to that and called to complain about her home situation because she doesn't get along with her mom. I knew her home situation wasn't going to be much better than it was here with me. I also worry when my son is there because of her parents drinking and other unfriendly habits that they don't seem to mind to do in his presence. I know this is no concern of mine, her well being, but I don't know how to just turn that part off in me. Now we are at NC. I have my son on weekends and she has him during the week. She doesn't support him since she doesn't work. I have to fund his daycare which isn't that high but she won’t contribute. I guess I want her to realize what he lost with me and now by having to go home. I guess what I am asking here is I know what I am feeling is probably natural. I guess I’m what can I do to stop think of getting back together, the urge to talk to her, breaking the NC...
canadaman111 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I feel the same way even though she just moved out a week ago in my case. I love her so much and want to fix the issues we have so we can be together again for our family to be together again. The kids and I miss her so much. The thing i am realizing is that the only way that can happen is with time. Both parties have to want to solve the issues and you can't pressure someone into wanting to work on things. It has to come from both ends. Until that happens there is nothing guys like us can do but try to be nice and show her things have changed and hat they are worth working on.
Author ducknrun Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 It's hard to be nice when I have anger still built up inside me. Having a family meana everything to me. I guess I fell in one way that she broke the family apart by cheating but also by not trying to fix it. I feel now that we have separated that she didn't want to be with me.. there's no way that she could have been. her actions said it all... and I wasn't reading the meassage. But then why stay with me and be so unhappy.. why waste one thing I can't get back time..?
Author ducknrun Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 I feel the same way even though she just moved out a week ago in my case. I love her so much and want to fix the issues we have so we can be together again for our family to be together again. The kids and I miss her so much. The thing i am realizing is that the only way that can happen is with time. Both parties have to want to solve the issues and you can't pressure someone into wanting to work on things. It has to come from both ends. Until that happens there is nothing guys like us can do but try to be nice and show her things have changed and hat they are worth working on. I wanted to say that I am sorry this happened to you also. I find that I feel better reading what other people post and I am glad to havce things posted directly towards mine
Author ducknrun Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Well it seems my situation has turned a little bit. I have been keeping my distance and not text her. I also told her that I wanted NC unless it concerned our son but she is still texting me. It’s very hard not to text back. I feel awful just ignoring her but I feel just as bad after I text her. Just the other day my son had gymnastics and she didn't want to take him because of the weather. This really bothered me because she went in much worse weather when she cheated on me. She doesn't work so I had to pay for it class and I don't want him to miss it. He enjoys it a lot so I left work early to go pick him up from her and take him. She just called me on my cell twice because I have been ignoring her text and then in an hour or 2 she will text me asking me to text her that I am ok because she is worried. What should I do? I am trying to work through what happened but by her constant contact I am unable to do so.
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