aerogurl87 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 To ask your SO what they want in the future? I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months and I want to directly ask him if he wants to get married in the future, but I don't want to scare him off either. Do you think that's too soon to be asking such a question? Oh yeah, we sort of discussed this before, but he never gave me a straight answer. It was always really vague and I don't know if that's because my questions weren't straight forward or what.
LondonS Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 4 months surely is too soon. Why ruin a good thing in a rush to be married. you surely will scare him off I'd think. All the best
Devil Inside Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Do you mean in general or to you. In general is fine, specifically to you is probably rushing things.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 4 months surely is too soon. Why ruin a good thing in a rush to be married. you surely will scare him off I'd think. All the best I don't want to marry him now, but I'd like to know if it's even a possibility for the future for him. If it's not, then I think it will be best for me to move on and find someone else who wants the same things in life as myself.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Do you mean in general or to you. In general is fine, specifically to you is probably rushing things. Yes I mean in general.
Devil Inside Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Yes I mean in general. I believe in being straight up with people. So if you feel that you need to know if you are investing time in a relationship with someone that is at least considering that for their future then find out. If it freaks him out, then you obviously have your answer. Life is short.
Els Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Fine as long as it's 'What are your views on marriage in general?', and not 'Do you think we'll marry anytime soon?'
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Fine as long as it's 'What are your views on marriage in general?', and not 'Do you think we'll marry anytime soon?' I was thinking of coming straight out with it and asking "do you ever want to get married?" Or do you think that's too upfront and bold?
sparkle Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I've been dating a guy for almost a year now, and we haven't discussed it at all (!). I think I'm past due by now for that discussion!! 4 months may be a good time to speak to him about it generally, and depending on his reaction/interest in the topic, you can discuss it in more or less detail...
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 I've been dating a guy for almost a year now, and we haven't discussed it at all (!). I think I'm past due by now for that discussion!! 4 months may be a good time to speak to him about it generally, and depending on his reaction/interest in the topic, you can discuss it in more or less detail... Haha yeah I think it may be time for you to discuss that if you see yourself married in the future and possibly to him. In the past I discussed marriage with two of my exes probably too soon (first ex told me he wanted to marry me after dating 6 months and second guy said the same thing after 2 months). Hence why I wanted to know if it was too soon.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I was thinking of coming straight out with it and asking "do you ever want to get married?" Or do you think that's too upfront and bold? I think put the statement more on HIM and HIM ONLY. e.g.: Do you ever see YOURSELF getting married, someday? JMO
DiscoChick Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I simply asked my ex what his plans were for the future. I asked him that after we had been dating five months (but he had been my friend months beforehand), fifteen months, and two years. I'm with the other person, be general about it.
harmfulsweetz Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I think if it's in general, you should ask. It's good to know now if you are both on the same path, because if not, you can fully assess whether or not to throw in the towel now, or continue with it. It's better than getting to a year down the line and mentioning it, finding out he doesn't and you do, so you've wasted time with him, wishing you'd asked earlier.
temple Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 If it's something that is important to you, you shouldn't ever feel held back from asking it.
sonicranger Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 You ABSOLUTELY should talk to him about marriage, kids, the future. NO, it doesn't have to be serious, you'll scare him off talk either. Why on earth would ANYONE waste 4 months or 4 days of their life with someone else who doesn't share the same desires and goals in regards to marriage and kids? I'm in a new relationship and we've already discussed these very topics on several occasions. It wasn't all serious, OMG start saving your money and expecting sleepless nights. In fact it was the opposite. It was a fun talk about what we each expect to unfold in our lives and what we'd like IF we are together that long. Nothing more, nothing less.
and.then.some Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 4 months may be a good time to speak to him about it generally, and depending on his reaction/interest in the topic, you can discuss it in more or less detail... I agree with the above statement. It could be my age, but I always find out views on marriage and kids pretty early on. Sometimes they bring it up themselves. How they respond or don't respond to such things should be a good indicator of where their thoughts are at this point in life.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Ok so I asked him and his response was that he wants to get married but he's never thought to himself that he has to do it in a certain amount of time, so I guess he's taking his time and waiting for the right person which is fine with me.
OnlyJake Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I was thinking of coming straight out with it and asking "do you ever want to get married?" Or do you think that's too upfront and bold? Absolutely not! Don't do that! lol I realize that I'm coming late to this thread, but for future reference for you, and to anyone else who reads this: I think put the statement more on HIM and HIM ONLY. e.g.: Do you ever see YOURSELF getting married, someday? JMO Yes, this is a good way to do it Why on earth would ANYONE waste 4 months or 4 days of their life with someone else who doesn't share the same desires and goals in regards to marriage and kids? Also agree with this...never wait that long to figure out such an important thing! If marriage (or lack thereof)/mismatched goals is a dealbreaker for you, you need to have this conversation sooner, NOT later. It doesn't have to be a big deal or a serious conversation; in fact, it SHOULDN'T be. All you have to do is bring up the topic in a round about, indirect way to figure out how he feels about it.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Do you think that's too soon to be asking such a question? yea you should ask around the six month mark
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 yea you should ask around the six month mark Too late alphamale lol, I already asked and finally I got a straight answer.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Too late alphamale lol, I already asked and finally I got a straight answer. well if he doesn't give u a ring in the 1-2 year timeframe then its time to bolt
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 well if he doesn't give u a ring in the 1-2 year timeframe then its time to bolt Agreed, but that's a little ways off. Right now I'll try to take things one day at a time.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 You ABSOLUTELY should talk to him about marriage, kids, the future. NO, it doesn't have to be serious, you'll scare him off talk either. Why on earth would ANYONE waste 4 months or 4 days of their life with someone else who doesn't share the same desires and goals in regards to marriage and kids? I'm in a new relationship and we've already discussed these very topics on several occasions. It wasn't all serious, OMG start saving your money and expecting sleepless nights. In fact it was the opposite. It was a fun talk about what we each expect to unfold in our lives and what we'd like IF we are together that long. Nothing more, nothing less. That's something I don't get, either. I knew within the first 10 days of emailing the guy I'm dating now that he sees himself getting married again, someday. It's required info before I'll date somebody.
jw90063 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 To ask your SO what they want in the future? I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 months and I want to directly ask him if he wants to get married in the future, but I don't want to scare him off either. Do you think that's too soon to be asking such a question? Oh yeah, we sort of discussed this before, but he never gave me a straight answer. It was always really vague and I don't know if that's because my questions weren't straight forward or what. That's actually something I like to know earlier than four months, whether or not the guy in "general" wants to get married, have a family etc in the future. Of course this is if/when he meets the right person. If he isn't giving a straight answer, either that's a sign he isn't sure, or doesn't want that OR, you put him on the spot. Maybe he took it more personal as if you are asking if you two are going to get married. He probably wouldn't know considering the amount of time you have dated. I think it's ok to ask in a general sense, but definitely at 4 months, I would be careful about how I approach the subject or could scare him.
Tizzy Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Re: SoulSearch " It's required info before I'll date somebody." Ditto that. I ask during the first conversation what they want in life. If the answer sounds good and meshes with what I want, then there's potential there. Otherwise, I don't waste my time. Nothing wrong with being straight up. It will save you heartbreak, time and energy in dealing with a guy/girl who was wrong for you from the get-go.
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