JumboJumbo Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I fell in love with this girl about two years ago and i am sure she had the same feelings at first with me and for five months it was great even though at the time i was battling chronic depression. Up until that point i had been suffering seriously with it for about a year and a half but meeting her made the pain go away and i managed for most of the time when i was suffering to get by with her by my side. We started to have problems because of the depression and despite assuring her i loved her very much she could never not get past taking it personally when i went into my shell. Depression for those who may not fully understand what it is is a chemical imbalance in the brain which can change your moods. I started to get worried she was wanting out and despite giving her assurances and even offering her the chance to get out of it if the problem was causing her strain she seemed to stick by but would not give me any emotional support about it when i was having problems. She started to act more and more strange with me though after these incidents where i was ill and i started to feel like she was wanting out but maybe in some way she wanted to cause problems, who knows but her i suppose. She was going on holiday during the summer and was really looking forward to it, it was a girls planned thing and we were talking about it a lot and how she was planning it. One night however she wanted to tell me that the last time she went over to the destination she slept with someone and she felt she needed to tell me about it. I still to this day dont know why she told me this a week before she was going. Maybe in someway she wanted me to suffer for a week whilst she was gone, to test me to see if i would crack? It certainly never crossed my mind to cheat on someone whilst she was away and she knew how much i loved her, infact i was dreading missing her what with the depression and not having her around to keep my spirits up. She really was a shining light in a bleak life for me From that point i started to crumble with the managing the act i had with the depression. Like a dam holding back the sea it seemed to just cave in and my mind played havoc. My mood became one where i started to really question why she would say a thing like this about sleeping with a man on the holiday first time round . Things were pretty bad whilst she was away for myself with the illness and she did not help herself making me feel like my fears were not founded whilst she was over there acting very strange with me towards the end of the holiday. When she came back i fronted her on why she acted so strange to me whilst she was over there and why she felt the need to tell me that she slept with someone the first time she was over there. The answers i wanted were nothing like i would have hoped for and my moods were getting the better of me and making me feel potentially more ill. In the end i felt i had to break up with her as i was feeling like a burden on her and myself because what was going on. When we broke up i crashed so to speak thanks to the depression and when she told me she met someone having tried to foolishly pull myself together and get things back to normal to get her back. I ended up having a breakdown and tried to take my own life and not knowing if i did the right decision and missing her so much at the same time life seemed to be five times more not worth living, thankfully my mum was about to save me from making a fatal decision. Two struggle of a years on and having broke all contact with her including changing my number and deleting hers so i don't interfere in her future happiness i am a lot more stronger in myself. My therapy is going great and its a massive help but i still have problems but at least are not as severe as they were back then. I do however still have them and when they do the main reason for them happening is the thoughts about her. It seems to me that once the depression eased up the heartbreak seems to have set itself in more. I want to get in touch with her again and keep hovering my mouse pointer over her "send message" on facebook but i worry things might quickly spiral downwards again with whatever she has to say and that maybe i will be building my hope up for another crash. Part of me says "just go for it, what you got to lose!" and the other is telling me "move on like she has" Friends, as they do for all of us, tell me to move on and find someone else but i feel i would not help but compare them to her and thats not fair on whoever that woman would be. Sorry if i bored you :-)
Angel1111 Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 If it has been 2 yrs since your break-up then I agree with the others that are telling you to just move on. Too much time has passed and if she has made no attempt to contact you at all, then the break-up was probably what needed to happen. If you sensed that she was feeling burdened by your depression, then you were probably right. I have no idea why she told you that she slept with someone on her previous trip just before she left. It seems the only reason to say something like this is to warn someone. I don't think she was cut out for dealing with someone with such serious depression issues and, therefore, not someone you need to be with. It doesn't make her a bad person or you a bad person. Just acknowledge that your condition does take someone who has a lot of patience and understanding. I have a friend who's in a wheelchair and after a few failed attempts at relationships, she is now dating a really nice guy. As much as I love my friend, I could never be in a relationship with someone like this because it's too challenging for someone like me. But she has found the perfect guy for her because these challenges don't phase him. He loves her and he's happy with her. That's the kind of person you need to be with - someone who accepts and loves you for who you are; through good times and bad times.
sugarmomma Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 She seemed to have made your depression worse, NOT BETTER. Please move on because: 1. She cheated on you Which means that she knew you were already dealing with a mental issue and she just dumped more sh*t in your lap to deal with. I don't understand how someone could do that to another person. She is not the one for you and you should keep up front that if she were, you would be together now. She is out of your life for a reason. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal and she carelssly without any remorse did it to you. Pain is inevitable, BUT suffering is optional.
gaudi Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Friends, as they do for all of us, tell me to move on and find someone else but i feel i would not help but compare them to her and thats not fair on whoever that woman would be. I don't pretend to know much about depression or related conditions. But I believe that if you do move on and find someone else. it will only help you forget about this other girl rather than compare everyone to her. Give it a try mate.
Author JumboJumbo Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 thank you, you have got me back on the path i need to go in. i really appreciate this
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