My boyfriend/husband to be broke up with me and not knowing the REAL REASON why!

[kristinabopp]

i was confused. my boyfriend/husband to be just broke up with me this december 24th! but the day before he broke up, he was so happy and excited about him going here in california he cant wait to be with me!

 

here goes the story:

i live with him and his family when i was in DC. i live there since april to december. his parents made me go back to california because they said its the economy, i dont have a job that time, but i almost got it because the store im working at hired me already, but they said its better if i will go back to california because its christmas and its better because ill be with my family and they said that i was a distraction to their son. I know i can be a distraction but i always help him with everything its just that its him when i tell him and help him to do this he wont follow me sometimes. but thats not the story. so i came back here in california this december 14. but before i go back, a few days earlier before i go back, my boyfriend told me he cant take being far away from me so he decided that he will follow me here in california before the 24th because he wont be able to leave the house after 24th because his mom will always be at home so he cant runaway. so that was the plan, but me and him doesnt have money were broke my mom paid for my plane ticket i told her to pay his ticket as well, but she cant because shes lacking of money too. so the plan is i go first and he goes the 2nd, i was just following his plans. the night before i leave, he was crying on me, he said he cant be far away from me and he will do everything to go to california as soon as he gets the money. and yea, he was crying and telling me everything how much he loves me. and then he was also crying when we were in the airport. even if his dad is there he wont stop crying while i leave.. and then as soon as i get in california we keep talking about the plan like EVERYDAY. i even tell him to say it to me THAT UR GOIN HERE. and then sometimes he gets mad because someone in their house might hear it, but i was wrong, his dad and brother heard him talking bout him leaving to go follow me. he was mad at me because it was my fault. i should not have force him to say it.. and then we keep talking of what are we goin to do here and he said that he cant wait to be with me and see me and have a new life here with me in california. he even told me that as soon as he gets here he wants to marry me. i mean, he proposed to me so many times already. and i said yes, but i told him we have to save money first. so my mom bought an apartment so me and him can start over our life here. this apartment im living right now is where me and him are supposed to be living right now. my mom is helping us start over a life,cozwhen in dc everything is hard and expensive.so i told him bout the apartment and he was happy. and then he told me that as soon as he gets here he wants me to cook him our culture food. and i said yes, and he said we have to go see the avatar movie and we have to visit the first hotel that me and him stayed at when he went to visit me here before. and i was so excited, i keep leaving him msgs and calling him everyday coz i cant wait to be with him and he cant wait to be with me too.

but december 23rd, he told me his sister said some **** to his dad that made his dad so mad and the phone bill was high so his dad took all their phones and will turn off the internet. so i cant call him, he told me not to text. andhe said his dad will probably cool down the next day and then he told me he will find a way to call me and his last words are I LOVE YOU AND SEE YOU!.. but i didnt get any call. so i tried calling him as many times as i can. but no one is picking up the phone. so he was kinda mad because i made his dad get more mad because of me calling. and then DECEMBER 24TH of 3AM he went online on his facebook and he told me to give him my address here in california and i did gave my address to him, i dont know why he took it though. and then after that he just went offline and his last msgs is *i think it better if..* and then he went offline. and then december 24th of 12noon. he went online and then offline on yahoo messenger. i was like, *hey u went online and then not leave me a msg?* and then he started talking to me, but it was showing that he wasnt on, maybe he was invisible. so that time, he told me that *baby i need to go their watching me*. and then i ask him are you still goinn? and then i was freakin out already because there is something wrong! and then he told me that he cant go here anymore and he said sorry. but i was confused because he told me the day before he broke up that *TRUST ME IM GOING THERE* and now he like took back everything. and then i ask him whats wrong and then he told me he cant tell me and he said he must go now! but i insist that he needs to tell me whats wrong and then he told me that *this relationship has to stop, i have bills to pay and many more problems and dont come here..

 

i stopped calling him this dec.31st. and now i havent leave him a msg or call.. it hurts me so bad because it just happens that he promised me and told me to trust him which I DID TRUST HIM.

Edited January 10, 2010 by kristinabopp

[LovelyDaze]

Before I comment on your story, how old are you two?

[kristinabopp]

we are in the same age. im 20 turning 21.

[LovelyDaze]

we are in the same age. im 20 turning 21.

 

 

Sounds like his desire to please his parents is more important to you at this time. You are not going to win that fight unless your ex gets some backbone. I'd like to think that at 20-21, your ex has the right to date whomever he chooses. But in your ex's case his loyalty is so strong, that he doesn't want to disappoint them in any way.

 

You might need to continue to stay NC for awhile. This is for you not him.

You are way too young to have this kind of stress in your life.

 

Focus on the other things and people in your life that you care about. Sure, right now your ex seems like the sun,moon, and stars but you need to make yourself all of those things. There is a saying that you cannot fully love anyone unless you love yourself...it's true. Making any other person #1 fails miserably because that person has their own goals, thoughts, and ideas that often times, does not include what you want and need.

 

Give him some time to figure out a way to create a happy medium that works. If he still stays on his parents' side of the fence to stay away from you, then do just that...stay away, close the door and open it up to new and exciting opportunities. There's other guys out there in the world who will happily balance family and his love for you nicely.........................

[kristinabopp]

im just so depressed because he said and promised so many stuff to me, and i didnt expect this to happen. this is my biggest downfall, knowing that we are each others first love/gf/bf. its just impossible to belieeve that he promised this and tell me to trust him and he loves me more than anyone and then the next day he broke up with me. thats just impossible to believe, i know and i can feel that he still love me. but i dont know what happened to him because i wasnt there in his house anymore.. he told me hes not going to talk to me not for the next 6 months, and im like, why is there a time limit?this is very confusing. 6 MONTHS?! whats in 6months?. im already heartbroken and now he made me think so much. and im also scared because he took my address, which made me think that maybe he is going to return the RING that i gave to him.. but i dont know why he took it. but thats what came into my mind. im still wearing the ring and the necklace that he gave to me,its hard to take it off.i have some of his clothes and letters. i cry everyday everymorning/night because of what happened. this is very depressing to me.. i feel so heartless that he change me from being loving to not loving anymore,because now i dont want to get hurt again.. i already got the man of my dreams, but that man of my dreams broke my heart. and i try and not hve many relationships as i can, because i only have 1 heart and i gave it to him. he told me his love for me goes deeper and deeper everyday, but i dont know what happened now..

[hoping2heal]

In his 20s and has to "run away" from his parents? It's easy to see what happened here. He is controlled by his parents. He may or may not be aware of it, but there is something wrong with the fact his family sent YOU home. He is a grown MAN. Why is he not acting like one? Is he not employed and living off his family? Is there a legitimate reason for that? Even if there is, he allows his family to control him and that will be a problem for the two of you and every relationship he is ever in until he breaks that control.

[kristinabopp]

In his 20s and has to "run away" from his parents? It's easy to see what happened here. He is controlled by his parents. He may or may not be aware of it, but there is something wrong with the fact his family sent YOU home. He is a grown MAN. Why is he not acting like one? Is he not employed and living off his family? Is there a legitimate reason for that? Even if there is, he allows his family to control him and that will be a problem for the two of you and every relationship he is ever in until he breaks that control.

i know right? his living with his family. hes unemployed right now. im just too confused because he was so desperate to be with me coz when the time i left their house to go back here in california, he told me that his family is getting on his nerves and saying **** all the time as soon as i left their house. his sister and i dont really get along, because shes saying bad stuff infront me but in spanish language, i found that out because i always ask him to tell me what they are saying. and he always do. but im really CONFUSED ABOUT EVERYTHING. he was so desperate to go here so bad because he wants to be with me right away and start a life here with me and move out of his house for the first time because he cant take his family saying bad stuff about me and him. all the time, they just keep talking craps about me and him. and about us.. there was one time that only me his sister, his brother were in the dinning room and then his sister said *he is changing..* and im like, okay what does that supposed to mean? but i didnt talk, i just stayed quiet and so is his brother.. i just started not liking his sister when after one week of me staying in their house she started being mean to me. but the first time we met she was nice. and then after one week or so she just became mean and never stop shouting and talking bad to my xboyfriend. on my xboyfriend's birthday, his wish was to get the hell out of their house so that they wont bother me and him anymore. but then, now, i dont know what really happened to him and his family. and i dont know why he changed his decision instantly.