Darth Vader Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 As long as it takes...That is, if you're willing to love him and fight for your marriage. You don't know what his triggers are. It could be a TV show, or a certain date, or a song on the radio, could be ANYTHING that can set him off, and trigger him. You have no idea.. He could be fine and then all of a sudden it'll just hit him. THOSE are the times YOU need to reaffirm your love for him, be supportive and understanding. How long did your affair last? Do a site search on the username DazednConfused. He has long left LS, but maybe reading his story will help you understand the mindset of your husband, what he is feeling and going through right now. (BTW, the thread title of dz's story is called wife made stupid mistake) I have to agree. But it's not limited to just this. Triggers can be what you wore for the OM, like underwear, a short skirt, perfume/s, foods that you and OM shared, music, even gifts to OM and from the OM (all of these your husband may be wondering about, and they should be gone). And I haven't even begun about talking about the sex you and OM had(positions and whatnot). That's a lot of triggers. Of course he's gonna be pissed!
Darth Vader Posted January 16, 2010 Posted January 16, 2010 (edited) I was away for a couple of days. And I want to thank people for their responses. I am genuinely grateful that when I reach out on this forum people respond. A lot of people on all sides say that their worlds are turned upside down by infidelity. Thank you spark for the insider comment above. It's the thought that guids me anyway, but I guess I need to hear it again sometimes. And I thank the people who have been caeful to couch their terms so that I do not take 's**t' above and beyond. I guess in a discussion we want things to make sense and move somewhere positive. But the betrayal meansI put that on hold even if it means the conversations go nowhere. As I write that, I get it might be true, but it is hard to get. He needs to get it out. My needs are on hold. Is that it? But that is hard if someone is saying 'you think ...' (lots of bad things about the relationship) and you don't think them and they don't listen to reassurance. I think this was a helpful post for me Spark, because I see the 'straw man' now as the cry for reassurance it is. (Might be). He needs to get it out. My needs are on hold. Is that it? Reverse this position while you were having the A. While you were riding your OM, your husbands needs weren't getting met, you were meeting another man's needs in place of your husbands, he obviously knows this. He feels like you replaced him and can't do as good as the OM, otherwise you wouldn't have cheated. See how he felt while you were screwing OM? While hubby was being faithful and resisting temptation/s that came his way. Now it's time your needs are on hold. How does it feel? He is getting it out, in his own way. Thing is, did you fess up, or did he catch you? The answer speaks volumes. Edited January 16, 2010 by Darth Vader
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