Does persistency work on men?

[LondonS]

Hi everyone.

I have been reading some threads on this site for a few days and finally decided to join you all.

I have a question for everyone please. I have read that if a man is persistent with a woman ( not in a crazy stalky way but more of a fun way) it works, is it also true if the roles are reversed and a beautiful, life and soul of a party kind of girl is being persistent with someone who is hesitant to date her for

" professional reasons or age gap reasons". ??

Please dont be judgemental as often the topic on the these forums drifts off to a total different discussion.

cheers all xxx

[Lishy]

why would you want to persue a guy who is not interested? I dont get what you mean to be honest

 

I am guessing there is a guy who is not interested and you want to know if you should continue persuing him?

 

If that is the case then the answer is defo NO! Have more pride

 

Would it work? Who knows! It depends on the individual but I know if a guy who I was not intersted in dating continued persuing me I would be uber turned off and feel a bit creeped out

[LondonS]

why would you want to persue a guy who is not interested? I dont get what you mean to be honest

 

I am guessing there is a guy who is not interested and you want to know if you should continue persuing him?

 

If that is the case then the answer is defo NO! Have more pride

 

Would it work? Who knows! It depends on the individual but I know if a guy who I was not intersted in dating continued persuing me I would be uber turned off and feel a bit creeped out

 

Thanks.

I am trying to asses a very complicated situation in the light of general opinion of different people. I can not state the whole event here. xx

[temple]

I agree with Lishy. Don't pursue once you've been given the brush off. No one likes that.

[xxxheartbrokenxxx]

I agree with Lishy that if someone kept chasing me after I had already made it clear I wasnt interested then it would make me feel very uncomfortable so I dont think persistancy always works.

 

As for the other way round, well I wouldnt ever feel comfortable persuing a guy, I have always let men make the first move as it wouldnt feel right to chase someone. I guess a guy may eventually give in to a persistant woman who he wasnt particularly interested in if he was a ONS or FWB type of guy, then he could get one thing from her and use the situation to his advantage.

[Lishy]

London, you would have more chance of getting solid advice about your situation if we know the deets

 

You are asking such a diverse question that no one can help

 

Some will say yeah but most will say no ... no one knows you here personally thats the beauty of this place

[carhill]

So, just to be clear, wrt 'persistence', does 'hesitance' = 'brush-off'?

 

My read is that successful men see hesitance as a sign to up their game and close the sale. Is that perception incorrect?

 

Now, for myself, if I remain engaged but appeared hesitant or unsure, I find that a very different behavior than ignoring the person or directly telling them to get out of my face. I would presume they would receive it in a different manner as well.

[and.then.some]

I don't know of any cases of persistent women changing the heart or mind of a guy. If she gave it 10 or 20 years, who knows. But of the cases I know, in which a "nice guy" allowed the persistent advances to turn into a friendship, it still never went anywhere at all. He might have been closer to her in the times where he needed someone, but I don't know any cases in which men started out with zero interest and eventually had a change of heart. I know of a case in which a persistent woman got a guy to sleep with her one time, but that was about it. But I suppose anything is possible.

 

However, even in the cases of persistent men, it doesn't always work.

 

There may be a chance if some level of interest already exists. While I would never recommend it, I know of cases where lovers or mistresses turned into wives. Rare, but it happens. People change, grow, mature, etc

[LondonS]

cheeeeers..

all the comments are greatly appreciated.

x

[sparkle]

A persistent woman makes a hesitant man just run away from her faster. Not a good idea, in my opinion.

[LondonS]

So, just to be clear, wrt 'persistence', does 'hesitance' = 'brush-off'?

 

My read is that successful men see hesitance as a sign to up their game and close the sale. Is that perception incorrect?

 

Now, for myself, if I remain engaged but appeared hesitant or unsure, I find that a very different behavior than ignoring the person or directly telling them to get out of my face. I would presume they would receive it in a different manner as well.

 

There is no clear brush off ofcourse but situation is not allowing one of the parties to make some decision..everyone handles things differently ofcourse and its not some life and death situation lol- ofcourse 6 billion earth population and 3 are men, plenty of fish and all that good stuff. I needed some general comments.

cheers

[carhill]

A persistent woman makes a hesitant man just run away from her faster. Not a good idea, in my opinion.

True dat, especially when she's waving a marriage license in his face

 

OTOH, after he's signed the license, watch out...

[carhill]

There is no clear brush off ofcourse but situation is not allowing one of the parties to make some decision.

 

Is the man single and available? That's more complex than it sounds....

[LondonS]

True dat, especially when she's waving a marriage license in his face

 

OTOH, after he's signed the license, watch out...

oh no no- No 1 in this scenario is waving marriage license. Its all way too harmless and less serious then that...

[LondonS]

Is the man single and available? That's more complex than it sounds....

He is but he is

1. very shy

2. in a rather high position in the same company as the lady. The lady however is an Oxford Grad aswell and high flyer of the team. the age gap between them is about 13 years...

[CrestfallenNoMore]

In my own experience (from my youth) and personal observations, it's a waste of time for a woman to be persistant in her pursuit of any guy.

 

If he's genuinely interested, no persistance will be required. If she meets resistance, he simply doesn't (and never will) want her. He may occasionally take advantage of that to get a roll in the hay, but will never see her as more than that.

 

I honestly don't think being persistant pays off for either gender, personally. When people tell you want they want (or don't), believe it.

[Johnny M]

Given the extreme vagueness of the question, I have no idea how to answer it. However, one thing that you might want to keep in mind is that most people on this board are Americans, while you are [presumably] British. And from my experience, American and British mentalities are very different when it comes to things like dating and relationships.

[LondonS]

Given the extreme vagueness of the question, I have no idea how to answer it. However, one thing that you might want to keep in mind is that most people on this board are Americans, while you are [presumably] British. And from my experience, American and British mentalities are very different when it comes to things like dating and relationships.

 

That is a very valid point you have just made. I actually was trying to figure the fundamental difference I was noticing in certain things

[meerkat stew]

Many men have learned not to flirt or date in the workplace at all, especially in more high profile, elite companies where advancement is extremely cutthroat and competitive. Work relationships are a minefield of career risk for men.

[MyNameIsJonas]

In my own experience (from my youth) and personal observations, it's a waste of time for a woman to be persistant in her pursuit of any guy.

 

If he's genuinely interested, no persistance will be required. If she meets resistance, he simply doesn't (and never will) want her. He may occasionally take advantage of that to get a roll in the hay, but will never see her as more than that.

 

I honestly don't think being persistant pays off for either gender, personally. When people tell you want they want (or don't), believe it.

 

I generally agree, but I think the modern scene has a very fine line drawn between the perfect amount of persistence and too much/too little persistence. This line varies significantly from person to person, both male and female.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I have a slightly different angle.

 

If you are good at reading people and you sense that a guy is attracted to you yet hesistant because of say work situation, inappropriatness of the relationship or other reasons (that have nothing to do with him not liking you) then light persisatnce might work. This is assuming that you haven't been rejected in so many words yet (if you have then it's game over).

 

The best way is to get your primary focus off him, definetly look for other men to date but keep the postive, fun and friendly dynamic with the guy you like. You may initiate contact as long as it's light and as long as he keeps responding and seems engaged. If he doesn't respond then you will look foolish if you persist with the contact. In time he MAY devolop stronger feelings for you so that he will blow caution to the wind so to speak or the constraints of the situation may change.

 

This will only work if you are not obssesing over him and giving other men a real chance. If you are expanding all of your mental and emotional energy on him, then it's definetly not worth it.

[LondonS]

I have a slightly different angle.

 

If you are good at reading people and you sense that a guy is attracted to you yet hesistant because of say work situation, inappropriatness of the relationship or other reasons (that have nothing to do with him not liking you) then light persisatnce might work. This is assuming that you haven't been rejected in so many words yet (if you have then it's game over).

 

The best way is to get your primary focus off him, definetly look for other men to date but keep the postive, fun and friendly dynamic with the guy you like. You may initiate contact as long as it's light and as long as he keeps responding and seems engaged. If he doesn't respond then you will look foolish if you persist with the contact. In time he MAY devolop stronger feelings for you so that he will blow caution to the wind so to speak or the constraints of the situation may change.

 

This will only work if you are not obssesing over him and giving other men a real chance. If you are expanding all of your mental and emotional energy on him, then it's definetly not worth it.

 

Thanks everyone who has taken their time to respond.

In response to the above post, yes everyone around me who has seen this situation in real thinks that the guy in question does like/is attracted to me..He has said however that " us might not be the best idea in the world due to professionalism, in response to that, I have said that sure, if thats what he prefers then professionalism it is and since then I made no personal contact and I am not going to either but we have to communicate almost daily on work related matters which I strictly keep "Work Related" with all formals present.

He stares at me on every given chance although I do not. He is always way too much fine tuned into what I have to say around in office. He shows every sign of interest but I am very realistic about things. Mainly because I am fairly succesful for my age aswell as considered an attractive young lady and have a fair share of pursuers so one guy having indecisiveness issues is not going to hurt my self esteem really. ( dont wana sound cocky, just stating some facts)

[meerkat stew]

I don't know British law, but based on your last post, if there is any express or implied power imbalance between you two, especially if he has authority over you and works with you daily, a relationship is an extremely bad idea for him, and could be detrimental to your career also. If you feel you must date in your workplace, which I don't recommend, date at your same authority level and completely outside your department. Do not date men you interact with every day, can't be more emphatic about this.

[LondonS]

I don't know British law, but based on your last post, if there is any express or implied power imbalance between you two, especially if he has authority over you and works with you daily, a relationship is an extremely bad idea for him, and could be detrimental to your career also. If you feel you must date in your workplace, which I don't recommend, date at your same authority level and completely outside your department. Do not date men you interact with every day, can't be more emphatic about this.

I am fully aware of all such limitations. Company has no law against it but ofcourse I understand his point of view. I plan to move to a different company in near future.

[and.then.some]

Thanks everyone who has taken their time to respond.

In response to the above post, yes everyone around me who has seen this situation in real thinks that the guy in question does like/is attracted to me..He has said however that " us might not be the best idea in the world due to professionalism, in response to that, I have said that sure, if thats what he prefers then professionalism it is and since then I made no personal contact and I am not going to either but we have to communicate almost daily on work related matters which I strictly keep "Work Related" with all formals present.

He stares at me on every given chance although I do not. He is always way too much fine tuned into what I have to say around in office. He shows every sign of interest but I am very realistic about things. Mainly because I am fairly succesful for my age aswell as considered an attractive young lady and have a fair share of pursuers so one guy having indecisiveness issues is not going to hurt my self esteem really. ( dont wana sound cocky, just stating some facts)

 

It could always be that he likes to flirt or enjoys the attention/ego boost, as he already knows you're interested. I've seen this happen a number of times in which girls who made the first move and were let down in any number of ways. Yet, the guy remained flirtatious or became even more flirtatious. Based on this, girl tried again some time later, and the reaction was still the same.

 

I don't mean to imply that this guy is necessarily the same, or that things won't change in the future. However, it is something to consider. Just don't put all your eggs in his basket.