enchanted771 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I was dating this guy for months, totally led me on, made excuses why he couldnt see me, hardly ever called, lied and made me think it was going somewhere when it clearly wasnt. I hardly ever saw him...anywhere from once every 10 days-2 1/2 weeks. I settled for the breadcrumbs and i got hurt really bad. I started just dating and not get exclusive with any one person. I met this guy recently who only wants to see me. In fact, he wanted to make sure i wasnt talking to or sleeping with anyone because he is not open to relationships where your free to see other people. Even though he has alot on his plate, he still wants to see me once/twice a week. We really havent went out alot yet. We went out Saturday night, i saw him last night a little later because he already had plans. Anyways, we kind of had this discussion and i made sure that he wanted the same things as me which is, a committed relationship. I want to avoid casual relationships. So, we are on the same page, but still i get totally freaked out and start analyzing things. Like if were supposed to meet at 9 and he cant make it till 10ish (he had to wait for someone) then i get totally freaked out inside. I just dont want to get burned or look like a fool, which is why i openly communicate my needs. If something bothers me, i wont settle and if i am not happy i move on. But i think i may tend to over react things (being that its still early) and overanalyze and get myself too worked up. He has told me that he is not going anywhere, and that i am worth the wait, but i get totally paranoid of history repeating itself. What can i do?
temple Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I'm sorry you feel this way. Try to think about the positives in your relationship with this new guy. No two relationships are the same, and neither are two people. It's perfectly understandable that you're thinking of self-preservation but don't take it too far. Maybe you could bring up this past relationship where you had been hurt. I'm sure that he would understand and maybe he will become more sensitive to your emotions!
Author enchanted771 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 well, i told him my fears,and he said he doesnt want me to worry like that about him, because that is not his intention. I guess i should let my wall down a little.
temple Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Yes let them down. If you keep those walls up you won't get hurt. But...then you won't get loved either.
stepka Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 What temple said. It sounds like the first guy wasn't into you at all--always pay attn to what they do, not what they say. It's easy to believe what they say b/c you want to so badly, but it's best to step back a bit. This new guy sounds sweet, but he probably doesn't want to come on too strong and scare you away.
Author enchanted771 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Yeah, i totally hear ya. He was the one who brought up only seeing each other, not me. Usually I am the one bringing it up. And i always hear " I like to spend time with you, so lets keep seeing each other and see where it goes" which of course went no where lol.
Author enchanted771 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Yes let them down. If you keep those walls up you won't get hurt. But...then you won't get loved either. yes we all have to take chances.
GAchasen Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Enchanted, I know exactly where you are coming from. But reading your thread, has made me think you have found a good guy. You should give him a chance. I agree with the other advice that was given. Just take it day by day. If you are not happy, then you know what you can do. However, he seems to genuinely (sp) lol.... care about you in such a short time. It's hard to let someone back into your heart after being treated like crap. Just see what happens.... Trust me I have been there, too. I have realized that I deserve a good man and so do you;) You have certain deal breakers? make sure that the men you date know what they are....And if they aren't ready to be there for you, then you don't need them anyway!!!
Author enchanted771 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Enchanted, I know exactly where you are coming from. But reading your thread, has made me think you have found a good guy. You should give him a chance. I agree with the other advice that was given. Just take it day by day. If you are not happy, then you know what you can do. However, he seems to genuinely (sp) lol.... care about you in such a short time. It's hard to let someone back into your heart after being treated like crap. Just see what happens.... Trust me I have been there, too. I have realized that I deserve a good man and so do you;) You have certain deal breakers? make sure that the men you date know what they are....And if they aren't ready to be there for you, then you don't need them anyway!!! Yes, my deal breakers are if he never calls, doesnt see me at least once a week (for now), puts me last. I mean, there was a little misunderstanding the other night about us MAYBE getting together so, we had a discussion about that. But it was a misunderstanding so i settled down. I just cannot stand flakes. He said he likes me so i guess i should believe him.././.
GAchasen Posted January 15, 2010 Posted January 15, 2010 LoL Enchanted....I think those are my dealbreakers, too. I absolutely hate when you are seeing a guy for let say...5 months and then nada....no phone call, no text, nothing. I mean....it is quite hilarious to me... I actually thought I found a good guy....we dated for 2 months....he said he cared about me very very very very much and then he broke up with me. I honestly wasn't all that surprised, since he stopped his usual pattern (you know what I mean, right?) But how doesn anyone go from caring very very blah blah much to not wanting to see the person again...I guess I will never know...He said he wanted to think about us. I think he did enough thinking!!!! But like I said earlier....I have been through many heartbrakes, but I still want to meet the one for me. I'm not going to give up. I may not be as available, but I think they should do more work. I'm tired of it~~~ How did it go with your guy?
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