broncosfrk83 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Me and my ex had dated for 3 years and a lil over a week ago she broke up with me. She said stuff like her emotions were all over the place and that she felt the spark was gone but she loved me but she didnt know if she was IN love with me. I messed up and at first begged and pleaded for another chance and she showed no emotion to that. But for awhile now contact has been very very limited and now i have started a week of NC. I understand why her emotions are hay wire because her grandpa which she was really close to died on xmas eve and that tore her up, along with other family issues. I just want her back so bad and i feel like i did take advantage of us. Reason for the spark being gone was because our relationship got boring, ill admit, and so she said we felt like friends. Its just that to me thats such an easy fix, we need to start goin out like we use to and then i think things would be fine. But everytime i have talked to her she has sounded so nice and happy, and that kills me. I have broken up with her in the past and i initiated NC and after a week of NC i realized i wanted her back and she took me back. Its just with her she has been going out to dinner almost every night with her girlfriends and so i hate that she isnt feeling what its truely like with me right now, like i was. I want to start moving on just because i dont want to wait around for something that wont come, but i love her and want her to love me just as much back. Like i said i decided on the no contact for one week to let her get it in her head im not there, then i was going to ask her out to dinner and give her flowers and a written note of my feelings. That way my feelings can be heard without interuption and i can make sure its said how i want it to be. I just dont think she will even try to contact me during this week. I wish she would like i did in the past, but shes acting to different to the way i was. Some advice i what i should do would be great. I really want her back and some have told me that after the one week i need to tell her how i feel and to show her how much she means to me. I realize i cant change how she feels though and if she did come back i would want to make sure i was true and she was positive thats what she wanted. How do i know for sure?
myhearthurtsbadly Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Dont worry if she doesnt contact you for a week shes in the honey moon stage of the break up where nothing you can say will deter her. Wait a month if you have to and in that time you need to work on yourself and make gains to finding who you are without her. Not only is it incredibly attractive but it will help you heal. Go and buy yourself and awesome jacket or some new shoes, when she calls you, which she will, be cool and tell her about them, be interesting again to her ok!
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 im just afraid to wait too long. It just hurts that after 3 amazing years she acts like she has moved on and is happy
LovelyDaze Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 im just afraid to wait too long. It just hurts that after 3 amazing years she acts like she has moved on and is happy People change. It can't be helped. What you both need to do is sit down honestly and say whether you want to be together and work out the issues or you don't. Both have to agree or it's just not going to work out plain and simple. You both really shouldn't play mind games. Usually the dumper or dumpee thinks a mind trick will work...it doesn't really in the end. Truth comes out in the wash, regardless. Try giving her some time to be free from the broken relationship and work on what YOU need. Don't continue this cycle of drama, it's a waste of your life. Again, after a few weeks or so, give her a call. By then, you two will have a little more clarity on things and be able to discuss things smoother.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 11, 2010 Author Posted January 11, 2010 I finally went and got my stuff from her place yesterday. She says that she feels like we wont ever get back together. I really want her back. I just dont know what to do but she was really cold and just had that blank look on her face while i was there. She said this break up is hurting her also. I have done this to her before little less than a year ago i broke up with her because i was second guessing my feelings. (Which is what she is doing). I was really cold to her and i told myself no matter what she said i was going to stick to my word. This seems to be what she is doing is that she listens to what i say about us but it seems to have no affect. When i broke it off with her after about 2 weeks of no contact i went back to her because i was reassured she was what i wanted. I just hope this is the same for her, even though its hard to believe it is. What do i do? Shes leaving for a week in 10 days so should i call her after she gets back and ask her to go out? i just cant imagine life without her.
sunshinee Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 don't call her at all.If u call she won't feel like missing you,u''ll be still in her life that way.Yoiu should give her space without calling,texting,etc. Don't show too much interest in her.Make her think that u're okay with the break up(even though u're not) because that's the only way she can question herself "he is moving on,OMG i''m losing him,may be i have made a mistake letting him go??''
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 So dont contact her no matter how long it is? Im just afraid her not hearing from me for that long will make her forget about me easier. I just cant stop thinking about her. She broke up with me like lil over 2 weeks ago, and its been the worse.
sunshinee Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 if she doesn't love you any more..there''s nothing u can do about it,but if she still does she will contact u
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 I know she doesnt. But i want her to so bad lol. I want to take her out in 2 weeks and try to tell her how i feel and how in this time ive grown as a person and things would be better if we had another chance. I want to make her fall in love with me again like i did before.
adamt Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Once a woman makes her mind up a relationship is over there is no way back. She will have emotioanlly detached from the relationship. if the spark is gone then sadly it is probably over. Same happened with my ex and she said we had missed our time. I guess at some point she started changing due to stuff outside the relationship going on. not heard from her in 8 months apart from when we bumped into each other. its hard to deal with the realisation that someone can walk away without any contact. but the chances are she will have been thinking about it for a while and got to the point where she is relieved to move on. if the relationship was going to work she would come to you with issues and sort them out rather than keep them to herself. Search this forum for how to move on, its hard but you will need to eventually.focus on yourself
WiseOne1 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 Well first I want to speak on a couple of things that other posters didn't. If she says she "doesn't love you anymore" partners rather MALE/FEMALE can't come to that conclusion by themselves, it has to be someone else. That's right, she probably never paid any other guys attention but noticed that her mind and eyes started wondering, and that's when she came to the conclusion that she's no longer in love with you. Disappearing for a while can do NO HARM, common sense would make it seem that if you disappear for a long time that someone can more easily get over you or forget about you, however it's the opposite. Using NC will give you much better reaction from her than if you hung around "yea I know, it's weird" Also there's 2 different honeymoon periods that "dumpers" go through... 1. When they first hook up with someone new. 2. 2-3 months after the break-up. During #2 there's nothing that you can do to make her want you back, after thoughts and emotions have settled around 3-4 months, that's when you have the least possible chance at a reaction that you would like.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 So wiseone what do you suggest? I really want her back. I wanna ask her out to see if any attraction will be there since w havent seen each other. Its just should i do it next week before she leaves or right after she gets back or not at all. We broke up exactly 2 weeks ago. Let me know what you guys think. I know most will say to just move one, but is there anything i can do to try to help us out, i know why she lost the spark and they will change if we could just get back together.
WiseOne1 Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I know how you feel, and your right most people will say JUST move on or go NC, but you heart is set on trying 1 more time...and you know deep down in your heart ALL you need is 1 more chance, but the chances of her giving you that 1 more chance is maybe a gamble of 1 out of 200. From viewing and overlooking loveshack for the last 5 years, I've seen your EXACT same situation at lest 600 times, no i’m serious!!! It never worked, and it won't work unless you let her work at fixing the relationship. Now me personally I went through the same thing with a girl about 2 years ago, and I convinced her into giving me another chance (big mistake), she then dragged it out for maybe 3 extra months and stated that her feelings didn't come back. So no it's not impossible for you to GET her to try again, but you want to make sure it's final and that it's her decision.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 12, 2010 Author Posted January 12, 2010 Thanks a lot for the advice. I will admit though, i am having trouble believing that me and another girl will be as happy as me and my ex. Or that our feelings for each other will be as good. Same with the memories. I mean for over a year and a half, i had never been so happy, every second was AMAZING! The things we did and yes the sex we had was unbelievable. Its hard to imagine sharing any of that with anyone else.
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Oh i also wanted to add that im confused because i kno some people say no contact will work, but her grandpa died xmas eve and she is still upset. I dont want to never say anything to her and her be upset becuase i wasnt there at all for her during this rough time, even though thats what she decided. Do i send her nice poems about passed loved ones to show im thinking about her?
Author broncosfrk83 Posted January 13, 2010 Author Posted January 13, 2010 Anything? Could use some nice advice right about now.
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