ladyjane83 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Guys...would it put you off if a girl did the asking out? I have been talking to a guy for a while (about a month) that I met online, emails every other day, get on well, he has told me I'm attractive etc....so was waiting for him to ask about meeting up...but so far he hasn't. I'm considering taking matters into my own hands and suggesting we meet for a drink. Guys...would this put you off?? I know alot of you will say I should forget about it if its taking him this long without asking, but am reluctant to write him of just yet because for all I know he could be shy or new to the online dating thing so is nervous or whatever...I dont think its from lack of interest because he wouldnt be emailing me regularly. My veiw is..whats the worst that can happen? Yeah, he might say no, but then at least I would know he isnt interested and no longer waste my time....what do you think?
DiscoChick Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I'm not a guy, but I vote for you to go for it. All he can say is yes or he's not interested in you like that. I've done it before. Rejection sucks, but at least you know. You can laugh about it months for now.
carhill Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I'm comparing both ways; one, which I consider more European, is where the dynamic can go either way, with either myself or the lady being more assertive in meeting up, versus the traditional American method, where the man does all the pursuing. To me, the goal is enjoying the company of someone I get on with and feel positive about being with; perhaps, out of that, a love affair will grow. If it so happened that a lady whom I was corresponding with said 'hey, let's meet up at xxx on Wednesday; how's that for you?' I would not be put off. That said, if I enjoyed the meetup and we got on, I would feel it my obligation to say something like 'I really enjoyed this and would love to spend some more time with you; how about we go to xxx on xxx?'. For me, that's balance and sends a clear message of interest. I would likely be more assertive and traditional beyond that point, as that is my personal style, but I see first meetups as equal opportunity. One datapoint
Vintage79 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I've been on enough online dates where the girl has asked me out - I actually like it quite a bit. If you've been in contact for a month - it's long enough. Just put it out there and if says no, or goes silent, well, move on...you shouldn't have much, if anything, vested in this right now.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 yeah thats what I'm thinking. I mean we get on really well and his emails are nice and chatty etc, we have alot in common. but yeah...neither of us has actually mentioned meeting up. But I suppose one of us is going to have to! Yeah the worst that can happen is he can say no I suppose! At the moment the UK is covered in snow and travelling is really bad, he lives 40 mins from me, so in my next email I might say something like "so when the weather clears up and there isnt a whole load of snow in between us we should try and meet up for a drink or something" ....... good? bad?
carhill Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 'I know this cool little cafe at xxx (someplace relatively neutral distance-wise) and I'd love to continue this conversation there. What day would be good for you?' P.S. - I would do this over the phone. If online hasn't progressed to phone, considering the distance, weather and time of year, IMO I would move the conversation to phone before investing further.
adamt Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) In this day and age i dont think there is anything wrong a girl asking a boy out. It should happen more often!Just ask him if he would like to go for a drink or a coffee as its better to chat face to face and say you feel it is the next step. something like :-"Anyway shall we meet up for a quick drink/coffee some time (I much prefer talking to someone in person)" I've been online dating for a couple of months and been asked out 3 times by girls. one of them just said after a few messages back and forth did i want to go out. she is very pretty so i couldnt say no. We got on well so going out again soon. the danger with online dating is that you talk too long and then one or both gets bored before you meet in person. it can fizzle out. you need to move it into the real world after a few messages back if you feel you are getting along ok. nothign to lose if they say no, you wont see them again. I usually add them as a favourite first, then if they add me back i send an email to them. and if it goes well they suggest going out. i thinkk women get bombarded with loads of favourites on these websites so i leave it upto them to cherry pick who they like. then if we go out you exchange mobile numbers but just to texting unless you get to 3rd date. If he added you first then the chances are he likes you already, so go for it. Edited January 9, 2010 by adamt
zetkin Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 I've asked guys out, both online and in real life. I think it's easy when you see that the guy's interested and that's what you discribed. So you should try and don't be so unsure)))
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 yeah I'm definitly interested, and I think he is too, so I might aswell I suppose. I think I will wait for him to reply to my last email and in my reply to him I will ask. At least then I will know one way or the other if its actually going somewhere or if I'm just wasting my time...as much as I like his emails, I want a boyfriend not a pen pal! haha. Im guessing he wants a girlfriend or he wouldnt be on the dating site I suppose. His profile is quite in depth too, so its not like he is just trying it out for fun. I have been on 2 dates with another guy of the site, who I like and has potential....but I think this guy is more my type from what I know of him, so I kind of want to go out with him and see if there is any chemistry before I get too involved with the other guy, thats why I'm eager to get things moving
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Guys...would it put you off if a girl did the asking out? I have been talking to a guy for a while (about a month) that I met online, emails every other day, get on well, he has told me I'm attractive etc....so was waiting for him to ask about meeting up...but so far he hasn't. I'm considering taking matters into my own hands and suggesting we meet for a drink. Guys...would this put you off?? I know alot of you will say I should forget about it if its taking him this long without asking, but am reluctant to write him of just yet because for all I know he could be shy or new to the online dating thing so is nervous or whatever...I dont think its from lack of interest because he wouldnt be emailing me regularly. My veiw is..whats the worst that can happen? Yeah, he might say no, but then at least I would know he isnt interested and no longer waste my time....what do you think? If a woman asked me out, I would find it novel and would more than likely accept because she must've mustered alot of courage to do so.
Author ladyjane83 Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Right, I'm going to do it! eek! Now the question is when?...I sent him the last email (yesterday) which he is yet to reply to. Had a couple of questions and banter in that I would kind of like to hear his response to, so.......do I wait for his reply first (so I can get his response to the things I said) and then ask him out in my next email. Or send him a quick email now (before he replies to my last one) just asking him out? It might be more casual and breezy if its just added on the end of my next email right? plus if I email now asking him out then he might just respond to that and I wont get a response to my last email.
Yukikazi Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Right, I'm going to do it! eek! Now the question is when?...I sent him the last email (yesterday) which he is yet to reply to. Had a couple of questions and banter in that I would kind of like to hear his response to, so.......do I wait for his reply first (so I can get his response to the things I said) and then ask him out in my next email. Or send him a quick email now (before he replies to my last one) just asking him out? It might be more casual and breezy if its just added on the end of my next email right? plus if I email now asking him out then he might just respond to that and I wont get a response to my last email. Wait.. let him reply first.. then ask him if he wants to meet you for coffee, you will be at wherever at such and such time if he cares to join you. If he meets you.. get to know him then you will see if he asks you out on a real date first or you need to do it.
Johnny M Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Guys...would it put you off if a girl did the asking out? The idea that men get "put off" when girls take the initiative is a myth invented by some women to rationalize their own passivity and social ineptitude. I can assure that men do not mind being approached by women.
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