Els Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) So, a bit of the usual backstory: Together for 1.5+ years and counting, been LD for a lot of that time, he's in my place for these 2 months, got a few weeks left before he heads off. We're both students and he's 5 timezones away; there will be no more visits after this one until I manage to get a postgrad in his place. For most of the visit, since it's also the busiest time of my entire degree course, I've just been so busy rushing for time. Rushing to finish my huge chunk of assignments so that we can spend time together, rushing to do all the things we like to do together and didn't have a chance to the past 6 months, etc. Finally, today I had a bit of quiet time to myself, as he's out with the guys and I'm visiting my parents. And I realized I'm terrified. Terrified of the prospect of him leaving soon, of not seeing him til I manage to get there. That wouldn't be so bad, really, since I'm graduating in 3 months and then I can start searching -- but it's completely fraught with uncertainty and obstacles. I'm afraid I can't list them all here; it'd take far, far too long. I'm just terrified I may not be able to make it. Or that I may make the wrong decision. It's a balance between what postgrad I think I want, what I might get or might not get, and which I should take if I get it. Should I take one that I like slightly less and be able to go this May/June, thus closing the distance? Or should I take one that I might like more... but then again it really might not end up all that I envision it to be... and go in January 2011? What if he can't get a job near the university that I'm going to? What if I do all this for nothing? What if... what if... Edit: Just to add: I think part of the reason I'm in this melancholy mood, is because over the past month or so, I just got so used to having him by my side. To be able to hold him each day, to be able to just have dinner together... for the first time in so long, I realized what it was like to have him there for 'good', as compared to the snippets of 1 week, 2 weeks, etc, that we've been getting for so long. Edited January 9, 2010 by Elswyth
Ashbash11 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Elswyth- I am in practically the same situation as you are. I am graduating in about 3 months and then I hope to find an internship where my boyfriend lives.. There are a lot of "what-if's" for us, also. What if I don't find an internship out there? What if things don't work out? Was this 2 years of long distance for nothing? I understand what you are going through. And then, after I do my internship, what if I can't find a JOB in California? The best way I've learned to cope is just to take things one day at a time. I know it sounds silly, but you can't predict the future, or if things are going to work out or not. You have to just go with the flow and try your hardest to make things work out. If they don't, they don't. I've already accepted this fact. I am incredibly in love with my SO, but if I can't get a job in California, then I just can't, and it won't work out. I know it sounds horrible, but you have to acknowledge the possibilities, both good and bad. Good luck with everything!
SophieA Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 The what if's will KILL ya. Believe me, I have nearly driven myself mad with the what if's. What if he gets clinicals across the country? What if he has to move around for clinicals every few months? How will I hold a job? How will we afford rent? How bad will my resume look if we're moving around for his education and I have to get a new job every 4 months or so for 2-3 years? Yada yada yada. LOL. I know it sucks Els (((hugs))). I know that it's hard to tell your brain to relax but you've got to try. And like the Ashbash said above, you've got to take it one day at a time. Think about it, I bet there were times you never thought you'd make it this far...but you have! You're still going strong. Have faith that you can handle whatever life throws at you. You've got to believe in yourself and that no matter what happens, you will be okay.
alphamale Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 as far as school goes i think you should make the decision on what is best for you and your future career. forget about the relatioinship because that may end at any time. be selfish and think long-term
Rollercoasterr Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 as far as school goes i think you should make the decision on what is best for you and your future career. forget about the relatioinship because that may end at any time. be selfish and think long-term Gonna go ahead and agree with Alpha here. Now heaven forbid that ANY relationship ends unless it's a bad one(and yours isn't), but it very well may. Anyone is capable of ending a relationship at any time. As much faith as I have in Mathew and I, I don't know what tomorrow holds. I can only hope that it brings us together. That being said, the only thing that is for certain are the things you can make for yourself, ie school. I will always suggest that you look at whats best for YOU first and then everything else should follow. If you came to regret your school decision by following him around and not waiting for the one you want, you'll only end up resenting him. And that, more than anything will spell disaster for your relationship. Good luck sweetie!
Millstang Posted January 12, 2010 Posted January 12, 2010 I'm only a 19 year old college student, but I think one of the purposes in life is to find true love. I can honestly say I love my girlfriend with all of my heart, and it's not just because I'm 19 and blah blah.. But If you really love him, why jeopardize your relationship? Money and a job is nice and all, but where do you get your true happiness from? It's from your significant other, your best friend, and your life partner. A good relationship can last a life time, a job and school doesn't even come close. I wish my gf would consider being close to me for school :/
Author Els Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Thanks for the advice, guys. You're right, I should try not to worry about the future so much - but I would totally beat myself up if there WAS some opportunity to be together in the near future and I screwed it up because I didn't plan or brainstorm enough! @RC: The problem is that it isn't nearly as clear-cut as 'Choice A: Course and job that I'll love, but I won't get to be with him vs Choice B: Course and job that I won't like nearly as much, but I'll get to be with him'. It's more like, 'Choice A: Course and job that I think has slightly more benefits but I'm still not really sure about, but we'll be together half a year later and he has a lower chance of getting there, vs Choice B: Course that I think I'll like more but has lower chance of me getting a job, and I think I'll like the job just slightly less, but again I'm not sure and he has a higher chance of getting there but it still isn't certain.'
Recommended Posts