WantToFixIt Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Would you file a restraining order against a short term ex boyfriend who calls and texts too many times (maybe while drunk)? No threats or mean comments but just really annoying/desparate/pitiful attempts? The kind of stuff that makes you want to puke.
bananaboat11 Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 or block the ex. give yourself a chance to a) move on or b) give yourself time to miss him Whichever you prefer.. or both
paleblue Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 i say just ignore it and keep moving on! eventually they will stop. unless you just want to change your number.
Author WantToFixIt Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 I guess the question(s) are: a) should restraining orders be used in a non threatening situation and is this reasonable. b)Or should restraining orders should be used in situations where abuse has or could occur and their have been threats? it seems so much advice on this board is to get a restraining order in a situation like this one. just trying to see if most people here agree.
Vampire Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Would you file a restraining order against a short term ex boyfriend who calls and texts too many times (maybe while drunk)? No threats or mean comments but just really annoying/desparate/pitiful attempts? The kind of stuff that makes you want to puke. If he's drunk, a restraining order won't mean jack. If he's not being threatening or abusive then I think a restraining order is going a little bit too far, but then that's just my own personal opinion. If he's just upset that you've split up, it's only natural for him to plead and be, dare I say it, pitiful.
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Would you file a restraining order against a short term ex boyfriend who calls and texts too many times (maybe while drunk)? No threats or mean comments but just really annoying/desparate/pitiful attempts? The kind of stuff that makes you want to puke. Be direct. Tell him you do not wish to communicate in the way that he is coming across. Show him a specific text that was particularly annoying/desperate/pitiful and tell him that this has to stop. He'll respect you for being direct.
Vampire Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 He'll respect you for being direct. No he won't! He'll probably hate her even more. Sorry pal, but I have to completely disagree with you. This forum is littered with broken hearted people who have tried to win their ex back and have many times said they tried texting/emailing/phoning them - it usually goes horribly wrong and sometimes the ex cuts them dead because of their constant contacting. Those people end up coming here and pouring their hearts out. I was one of them when my ex told me I needed to stop contacting her (as it made it easier for her that way). Did I respect her for being direct? Did I hell. I'd have been mortified if she'd put out a restraining order on me for contacting her.
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 No threats or mean comments but just really annoying/desparate/pitiful attempts? The kind of stuff that makes you want to puke. You cannot get TRO for something like that.. If you built a long enough case of harassment and he was showing up at your work and stuff like that then you might be able to talk a judge into giving you one.. You just cannot go get a RO against someone without could cause and even then a judge has to sign off on it. The other thing is the a TRO is only for a few weeks and then a court hearing happens in order to make it permanent. He would be there and could fight it and if you wanted it to continue then you would have to be there and tell the judge on why you would need a permanent RO against someone who isn't threatening you. Why not just change your number or block him ? Do you know friends of his ? if you do then tell them to have atalk with him.
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 No he won't! He'll probably hate her even more. Sorry pal, but I have to completely disagree with you. This forum is littered with broken hearted people who have tried to win their ex back and have many times said they tried texting/emailing/phoning them - it usually goes horribly wrong and sometimes the ex cuts them dead because of their constant contacting. Those people end up coming here and pouring their hearts out. I was one of them when my ex told me I needed to stop contacting her (as it made it easier for her that way). Did I respect her for being direct? Did I hell. I'd have been mortified if she'd put out a restraining order on me for contacting her. When an ex tells you to stop contacting them, you stop contacting them. Vice versa.
Vampire Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 When an ex tells you to stop contacting them' date=' you stop contacting them. Vice versa.[/quote'] Yeah, in an ideal world perhaps, but unforunately, human behaviour isn't so black or white. Regardless, "he'll respect you for being direct"? Not likely.
Author WantToFixIt Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 A civil or harrassment restraining order can be attained in many states without threats. They don't even have to imply threats. Just unwanted unwarranted contact is harrassment.
You'reasian Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Yeah, in an ideal world perhaps, but unforunately, human behaviour isn't so black or white. Regardless, "he'll respect you for being direct"? Not likely. Who cares. Tell the ex anyways. Tell them verbally and in writing. Block the ex-es phone number and move on.
sadintexas Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 Where I live, it's hard to get RO's. The county attorney won't take it to the judge unless you are/were married or are currently living together...i.e. somthing they can classify in someway as 'domestic abuse'. You can hire a private attorney to take it to the judge, but that's gonna cost you. To me, it wouldn't be worth it at all, and really it's a little unfair IMO. Tell him to quit contacting you, ignore him, or change your number.
meerkat stew Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 A civil or harrassment restraining order can be attained in many states without threats. They don't even have to imply threats. Just unwanted unwarranted contact is harrassment. Based on what you post, it is an awful idea. Restraining orders were not created to help remove unwanted people from one's life, but to allow people who feel genuinely threatened a legal remedy. People who clog the justice system with knee-jerk restraining orders are beneath contempt, as they gunk up the works for those in real need. A frivolous restraining order diverts precious resources in the community. I know this sounds adamant and preachy, but I see the consequences of a clogged justice system every day, and hear way too many people tossing around the "just get a TRO" when there is no cause for it.
Author WantToFixIt Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 Thanks for the input Meerkat. That gets to the heart of the question. I can see how using a restraining order in this situation may take the focus off people who would use them for protection.
DenverBachelor Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 Based on what you post, it is an awful idea. Restraining orders were not created to help remove unwanted people from one's life, but to allow people who feel genuinely threatened a legal remedy. People who clog the justice system with knee-jerk restraining orders are beneath contempt, as they gunk up the works for those in real need. A frivolous restraining order diverts precious resources in the community. I know this sounds adamant and preachy, but I see the consequences of a clogged justice system every day, and hear way too many people tossing around the "just get a TRO" when there is no cause for it. This is very true. Anyone who runs to get a TRO because they get unwanted texts is abusing the system and needs to just tell the other person to stop immediately and then not reply to them if they try to contact again. If they start driving by your place late at night really slowly or start following you around, then you have grounds for a TRO because you feel in immediate danger.
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