Tania Posted June 21, 2000 Posted June 21, 2000 my boyfriend is 8 years older than I am. I like older men since I feel they are more on my maturity level. well I probably would have said that a month ago but not today. My boyfriend at times talks to me in a very condecending way. I feel he tries to control me and I also feel he gives me crash courses in self-improvment. Maybe he doesnt realise he does it. But it really is damageing. There were two big incedinces where I DID NOT let him get away with it and I stood my grownd. By the second time I think he realised how he was making me feel and he felt awful and appologized right and left. What bothers me is that usually I except appologes but I just cant this time. He doesnt know Im still really hurt. But I feel like if he is treating me this way after 3 weeks I just cant emagine what 6 months would be like. I believe that if you love or care about someone that you should try to work things out. So thats what Im doing. But I just can not get over it. Its eating me up. Im not an insecure person Im actually quite strong. I feel really defenssive. What do I do to feel better about myself? Im I over-reacting? Forgive and forget right? Help-Tania
Leonard Posted June 21, 2000 Posted June 21, 2000 U should communicate with him and tell him that there are certain things, which he does or says, that are really demeaning and are painful or hurt you. If he still persists and continues hurting you, then you should consider finding someone who will respect you and love you more. See what happens, try to COMMUNICATE with him. Forgive and forget will not work all the time, if the person is being ignorant and does not learn by his own mistakes....Once, twice,,,but forgiving all the time is not good. You should respect yourself too. Hope this helps D my boyfriend is 8 years older than I am. I like older men since I feel they are more on my maturity level. well I probably would have said that a month ago but not today. My boyfriend at times talks to me in a very condecending way. I feel he tries to control me and I also feel he gives me crash courses in self-improvment. Maybe he doesnt realise he does it. But it really is damageing. There were two big incedinces where I DID NOT let him get away with it and I stood my grownd. By the second time I think he realised how he was making me feel and he felt awful and appologized right and left. What bothers me is that usually I except appologes but I just cant this time. He doesnt know Im still really hurt. But I feel like if he is treating me this way after 3 weeks I just cant emagine what 6 months would be like. I believe that if you love or care about someone that you should try to work things out. So thats what Im doing. But I just can not get over it. Its eating me up. Im not an insecure person Im actually quite strong. I feel really defenssive. What do I do to feel better about myself? Im I over-reacting? Forgive and forget right? Help-Tania
Taressa Posted June 22, 2000 Posted June 22, 2000 Two things I would like to know so I don't jump to conclusions: 1) Do I understand you've only been dating this man for three weeks? 2) Do you like the stability/well-mannered/assurance of the older men or is it more of a father-figure thing for you? (Just checking before I make wrong assumptions.) It sounds like you're handling yourself well, demanding right treatment from him. To forgive and forget works sometimes but a repeated problem calls for forgive and move on. It sounds like you are a level-headed, smart lady. Listen to what your instincts are telling you. A little hurt from a goodbye right now is better than sticking with someone who eventually decreases your self esteem. Best of luck. You'll come through okay.
Recommended Posts