confusedbemused Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 My boyfriend broke up with me, then said he wanted to see/talk to me 2 months later. (NC during the 2 months) At this meeting, he told me that he had been thinking a lot, wasn't sure about the breakup, but was uncertain that we should get back together... He gave me his reasons for why he thought we should be apart, and I informed him that most of them (due to some life changes on my part) were now invalid. He told me that he had been on some dates with a girl, but also stressed that they weren't "dating," as in, weren't in a relationship yet. After this discussion, he said that he still needed time to decide, and said that we should remain in no contact, and that "maybe the feelings would fade." He said he probably wouldn't be able to decide until after the upcoming winter break. I said fine, that I'd wait to hear from him then. Fast forward a week. He leaves a book that I had mentioned in passing outside the door of my dorm room. He mentioned that he could give it to me, I said don't worry about it, he drops it off without telling me that he's coming by (i wasn't there). (Note: He's not at my university anymore, although he lives in town -- meaning that he had to make the 15 minute walk to my room, wait for some stranger to swipe him in, and walk back in bitter cold, and risk seeing me outside MY room without warning me). When I go to church the week after that, he sits right next to me... and then I scoot three feet away, and he ends up moving to a different pew. (yes, it was incredibly awkward). Two days after that, he catches up to me after church to wish me a good winter break and ask what I'm doing. (i had said happy bday to him a few minutes earlier when we shook hands for exchanging the peace, because it was his birthday, but that's it) Awkward conversation for a minute until I notice that some friend of his is waiting for him, and ask him does he need to go? He says yes, and leaves. 2.5 week winter break. No contact from him at all. Next time I see him at church (we both go to the same service daily), we awkwardly shake hands during the exchanging of the peace (i kind of frown and am a bit hesitant about shaking his hand, although he smiles), but he leaves before I do and so doesn't talk to me. The next day, though, 45 minutes before the service we go to he sends me this totally unnecessary email: "Dear x, I just wanted to thank you for the Christmas card your mom sent. I hope you had a good time in florida and a merry Christmas at home. Sincerely, x" I think my mom sent his parents (not even him specifically) a christmas card, which I didn't sign or anything --so there's no reason to send me a thank you note. I mentioned i was going to florida in our awkward convo before break. There is absolutely NO POINT to this email. I don't have time to reply to it before going to the service. At the service, he leaves before me again, so we don't talk. I'm super confused. Why would he bother craft and send such a weirdly formal, pointless email, but not initiate any contact? I'm wondering if maybe he's trying to see if I'm still willing to talk before actually talking to me in person, but maybe I'm just getting my hopes up? Or maybe he's moved on, but feels guilty about not telling me... But if that were the case, i think he wouldn't be contacting me at all. How should I respond? Should I? Sorry for the super-long post.
edenvegan Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Dear Poster, I'm sure you will have made up your mind by the time you read this message, still I would like to respond. First, I am so sorry for the confusion your former boyfriend has caused you. No one deserves that. As for the no contact, it seems like two months is a long enough time for someone to figure out what they want. I don't know why you two broke up, but I'm guessing you had moved on and expected him to do the same. Instead of trying to figure out why he wants you back and why he's sending mixed signals, you should be asking yourself: "Why would I want HIM back?" "What could he have possibly done in two months that will make him a better boyfriend for me?" (It is okay to ask these questions to yourself.) *Good luck with your future decisions and thanks for sharing.
Author confusedbemused Posted January 9, 2010 Author Posted January 9, 2010 Thanks -- the thing is, I haven't moved on. I still really want him back. He was the one who broke up with me. There wasn't really anything that I really wanted him to change that would have made him a better boyfriend. Based on the talk we did have, the one thing that would have needed to change already has, on both of our parts. That's why i'm still interested.... And nope, still haven't decided what to do yet.
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