confusedbemused Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 (edited) My boyfriend broke up with me, then said he wanted to see/talk to me 2 months later. (NC during the 2 months) At this meeting, he told me that he had been thinking a lot, wasn't sure about the breakup, but was uncertain that we should get back together... He gave me his reasons for why he thought we should be apart, and I informed him that most of them (due to some life changes on my part) were now invalid. He told me that he had been on some dates with a girl, but also stressed that they weren't "dating," as in, weren't in a relationship yet. After this discussion, he said that he still needed time to decide, and said that we should remain in no contact, and that "maybe the feelings would fade." He said he probably wouldn't be able to decide until after the upcoming winter break. I said fine, that I'd wait to hear from him then. Fast forward a week. He leaves a book that I had mentioned in passing outside the door of my dorm room. He mentioned that he could give it to me, I said don't worry about it, he drops it off without telling me that he's coming by (i wasn't there). (Note: He's not at my university anymore, although he lives in town -- meaning that he had to make the 15 minute walk to my room, wait for some stranger to swipe him in, and walk back in bitter cold, and risk seeing me outside MY room without warning me). When I go to church the week after that, he sits right next to me... and then I scoot three feet away, and he ends up moving to a different pew. (yes, it was incredibly awkward). Two days after that, he catches up to me after church to wish me a good winter break and ask what I'm doing. (i had said happy bday to him a few minutes earlier when we shook hands for exchanging the peace, because it was his birthday, but that's it) Awkward conversation for a minute until I notice that some friend of his is waiting for him, and ask him does he need to go? He says yes, and leaves. 2.5 week winter break. No contact from him at all. Next time I see him at church (we both go to the same service daily), we awkwardly shake hands during the exchanging of the peace (i kind of frown and am a bit hesitant about shaking his hand, although he smiles), but he leaves before I do and so doesn't talk to me. The next day, though, 45 minutes before the service we go to he sends me this totally unnecessary email: "Dear x, I just wanted to thank you for the Christmas card your mom sent. I hope you had a good time in florida and a merry Christmas at home. Sincerely, x" I think my mom sent his parents (not even him specifically) a christmas card, which I didn't sign or anything --so there's no reason to send me a thank you note. I mentioned i was going to florida in our awkward convo before break. There is absolutely NO POINT to this email. I don't have time to reply to it before going to the service. At the service, he leaves before me again, so we don't talk. I'm super confused. Why would he bother craft and send such a weirdly formal, pointless email, but not initiate any contact? I'm wondering if maybe he's trying to see if I'm still willing to talk before actually talking to me in person, but maybe I'm just getting my hopes up? Or maybe he's moved on, but feels guilty about not telling me... But if that were the case, i think he wouldn't be contacting me at all. How should I respond? Should I? Sorry for the super-long post. Edited January 9, 2010 by confusedbemused
JaneDoe35 Posted January 10, 2010 Posted January 10, 2010 I would turn the tables on this guy and completely no contact him. Don't even tell him, just do it. I have no idea what his issue is. But you will find out if you cut him off. he will either move on and you wont hear from him or he will coming looking for you. In the time that you go no contact on him - think about what you want from him and if he can give that to you. JD
Author confusedbemused Posted January 10, 2010 Author Posted January 10, 2010 I got your reply to late, I guess. I gave it a day and then replied: I'm glad your family enjoyed the card. I did have an excellent break, and I hope your Christmas was pleasant as well! Also: I've finished reading the Gilson book -- let me know the best way to get it back to you. He gave it another day and then replied to that: It was a good Christmas, but I was sort of eager to get back. Please keep the book--I have another copy. Right now I'm reading some [***blah blah blah***], which is unfortunately much less clear. Good luck with all your papers! I hope your finals week isn't too bad. ----- I guess since he ignored my basic invitation to meet up and talk to me, he's decided against getting back together and has moved on. It's over, right? Is it worth trying to talk to him?
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